Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I just walk out of here?

459 replies

Rayray118 · 06/01/2020 16:02

Okay, long story short I'm a writer who's been offered the exclusive use of a friends apartment abroad so I could spend two weeks writing. I dived on it of course. I've just begun a major project and will be enormously busy with my day job (I have one of those unfortunately!) for the rest of the spring and summer. Aside from weekends this is the only chunk of time I have to focus on this and if I don't get a decent 20,000 words written in these two weeks there's just no point in my being here.

20,000 words is easy going for two weeks and I left it at that as a plan because I wanted to spend a night or two at the weekends with my friend who owns the apartment. She lives about twenty minutes drive from here and lets out this apartment in short lets most of the year but of course in January it's quiet. I had expected, and made very clear, that I need solitude to write. I arrived here on Friday and so far solitude has been no part of this experience.

My friend stayed here Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I really wasn't expecting her to stay last night and thought that was pushing it, so I reminded her that as I'd said I need solitude to write. She seemed rather shocked and appalled when I suggested that she come back next weekend and leave me on my own till then. This morning she came up with some bizarre excuse about needing to stay tonight also. To me it's just getting ridiculous at this stage. To clarify, she is not lonely, nor is there any other reason I can see why she'd be so inconsiderate. She knows exactly what I came here to do and why it's so important that I be left alone to do it. She lives twenty minutes away in a very large comfortable home with her husband. She is also in a very happy and loving marriage. It seems to me she's just wilfully oblivious to how important it is to me to be alone to undertake this task, however clear I was about it before I arrived.

I can imagine some people may think I've little to worry about but if I don't get this done in the next ten days I won't get it done before late summer. I am wondering to myself if I should just pack my bags and rent an Air BnB somewhere else while I've still got ten days left? I don't want to do anything to damage my friendship but I cannot say how important or irreplaceable this time is to me. I am also getting increasingly frustrated, another few days and I'll be extremely resentful - honestly this about the most boundary-less behaviour I've experienced in a long time!

Any opinions would be most welcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rayray118 · 08/01/2020 02:43

I went of course, and no, she wouldn't have minded in the slightest. It'd be great if she was a raging bitch - it'd make this whole thing much easier!

OP posts:
HannaYeah · 08/01/2020 02:55

Well, you sound like a very kind and thoughtful person also. Glad you are persevering the friendship and hope you can also find a way to recover the word count.

OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart · 08/01/2020 02:58

Go for a pee, make thesen a cup of tea and all, jolly noisily.

TheMaddHugger · 08/01/2020 03:19

@Rayray118 . I notice you keep talking about word count. Does she understand that? Does she know what or how many pages that is visually ?

TheMaddHugger · 08/01/2020 03:21

40 pages
Answer: A 20,000 word count is about 40 pages single-spaced or 80 pages double-spaced. A 20,000 word count will create about 40 pages single-spaced or 80 pages double-spaced with normal margins (1″) using 12 pt.
How Many Pages Is 20,000 Words? - Number of Words ...
numberofwords.com › faq › how-many-pages-is-20000-words

timeisnotaline · 08/01/2020 03:35

Don’t just go for a wee. Go for a wee, turn the light on and if you can’t work pretend furiously you are working for at least an hour.

Jokie · 08/01/2020 04:41

With your latest update she's not saying that she'll leave... She's saying that "she'll leave you alone". That's a big difference to the accommodation situation. I still don't think she realises or understands what's going on.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 08/01/2020 05:15

Another writer here too.

OP, I’d just like to really thank you for this thread. You’ve made me feel far less shitter about myself.

My main income comes from copywriting which although is far less creative Than writing novels etc still requires focus and concentration. I really struggle when other people are at home, even if they’re being quiet. Nearly every other writer on this thread has described the subconscious disquiet of never knowing if you’re about to be disturbed. My other half whispers when he wants to ask me a question - he can’t grasp it’s not the volume that’s the issue, but the interruption!! When they’re all out of the house or fast asleep in bed in the early hours I work infinitely better. I always felt it was my shitty concentration but I feel so much better knowing that lots of other writers share the same mindset!!!

lisag1969 · 08/01/2020 06:06

I'd leave just say you are really sorry but you need to leave and find some quiet working space. You will catch up with her at the weekend if you have time as you need to catch up. X

Motoko · 08/01/2020 07:48

I notice you keep talking about word count. Does she understand that? Does she know what or how many pages that is visually ?

I was wondering that. She probably thinks it's just a few pages, something you can knock up in a couple of hours.

I think you ought to show her.

SweetpeaOrMarigold · 08/01/2020 08:01

I would definitely put the lights on and work at night. Mumble about how worried you are, you've no idea how you can catch up on 40 pages and will have to work days AND nights now

PenelopePissedstop · 08/01/2020 09:06

Maybe the only way to ‘out the damned spot’ is to use the experience as inspiration. Quick murder mystery to expunge the emotions.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 08/01/2020 09:13

I notice you keep talking about word count. Does she understand that?

I suspect she’s guessing how long it would physically take to type 2,000 words and doesn’t understand that OP is actually having to think about the words rather than bash out any old thing.

...she asked "Did you get your writing done?"

How you didn’t kill her at this point, OP, is beyond my comprehension! You must have the patience of a saint.

Haworthia · 08/01/2020 09:47

I just don’t understand why she’s sleeping on the sofa, night after night, when she could be sleeping in her own bed with her husband, 20 minutes away.

That just doesn’t make sense.

OP, you need to grow some balls and tell her to stop coming over. Why haven’t you done that, every single day when she’s called you and said she’ll be over that night? And when she says she’s staying the night, why haven’t you asked her WHY?

sonjadog · 08/01/2020 09:50

Yeah, you should have left. I would give up and just have a holiday now. If you aren't going to leave then you may as well.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/01/2020 09:59

Have you asked her why she's staying at the flat? What her vision for the week is? When she thought your writing would fit in?

You seem completely bemused by her behaviour (reasonably) but, rather than speculate about her motivation, why not ask her?

HmmGrey · 08/01/2020 10:07

Fascinating read. Ready for the sequel This Friday. Do you write fiction or non fiction?

MadamePewter · 08/01/2020 10:11

Why is she staying there instead of at home?

This is the weirdest part of it all

GoodbyeRosie · 08/01/2020 10:15

It sounds like she assumed that you would need to be on your own during most of the day, and she could leave you alone between 10 - 5pm for instance.

I would have one last chat with her about you needing absolute solitude, as in you don't want to see anyone - including her - for the next 10 days and if you need anything you will let her know. Reiterate that you will be well up for socialising when you are happy with what you have done.

If she still can't respect this, then the only solution is for you to rent somewhere else or go home.

I don't think there is anything malicious going on here, just a complete lack of understanding about what your idea of solitude is.

Vanhi · 08/01/2020 10:23

To the person who wanted to know "Are you a professional, paid, published writer or is this your hobby?" I am a professional, paid, published writer who, like most authors on the planet, writes part-time. My friend knows this and has done for years.

The 'is it a hobby or are you a professional' thing is also, IMO, the wrong way to measure creative endeavour. Being an artist or writer isn't a job. It's a part of who you are. Plenty of very creative people make their living doing other things - this doesn't detract from their art, it just means their art isn't particularly commercial. Capitalist values shouldn't be the measure of creativity.

Zaphodsotherhead · 08/01/2020 10:28

The trouble is that sometimes you can knock out 10,000 words very quickly, if the story is there, strong in your head (my record is 16,000 words in a day. I once wrote an entire book in six weeks). But if you're struggling for inspiration and the words are being 'sticky', it can take you all day to type 1500 words, 800 of which you delete the next day as being rubbish.

It's not about word count. It's about the peace and quiet to let the story run in your head. Someone popping in every ten minutes to tell you that you MUST have done at least 1,000 words by NOW! doesn't help. Physically, yes, you can have done. Are they good words that you don't instantly have to delete? Probably not.

MarshaBradyo · 08/01/2020 10:32

Yes there is truth in that. I need a clear run to get in the right zone for another creative pursuit. You need zero interruptions. When you are busy with other stuff (work or dc) that time is incredibly precious.

Having said that the friend offered a free flat which was very nice and should be treated as such. So when you go thank and maybe a small gift. End the visit on good terms.

MarshaBradyo · 08/01/2020 10:33

Although the op has probably gone already

wheelywheelynice · 08/01/2020 10:36

It's probably too late now but couldn't you have bought over the ears, noise-canceling headphones and pointedly put them on every morning and ignored her so she got the message?

Dotcomma · 08/01/2020 10:46

I was wondering if you've stayed at your friend's apartment before to do your writing or if this is the first occasion, sorry if i've overlooked this if already discussed.

I was also wondering if you and this friend have holidayed together before and this is her way of getting to spend time with you, despite your insistence of alone time, and she's took absolutely no notice.

Perhaps she's used to walking all over any boundaries anyone tries to put up. I don't get her a all.