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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I just walk out of here?

459 replies

Rayray118 · 06/01/2020 16:02

Okay, long story short I'm a writer who's been offered the exclusive use of a friends apartment abroad so I could spend two weeks writing. I dived on it of course. I've just begun a major project and will be enormously busy with my day job (I have one of those unfortunately!) for the rest of the spring and summer. Aside from weekends this is the only chunk of time I have to focus on this and if I don't get a decent 20,000 words written in these two weeks there's just no point in my being here.

20,000 words is easy going for two weeks and I left it at that as a plan because I wanted to spend a night or two at the weekends with my friend who owns the apartment. She lives about twenty minutes drive from here and lets out this apartment in short lets most of the year but of course in January it's quiet. I had expected, and made very clear, that I need solitude to write. I arrived here on Friday and so far solitude has been no part of this experience.

My friend stayed here Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I really wasn't expecting her to stay last night and thought that was pushing it, so I reminded her that as I'd said I need solitude to write. She seemed rather shocked and appalled when I suggested that she come back next weekend and leave me on my own till then. This morning she came up with some bizarre excuse about needing to stay tonight also. To me it's just getting ridiculous at this stage. To clarify, she is not lonely, nor is there any other reason I can see why she'd be so inconsiderate. She knows exactly what I came here to do and why it's so important that I be left alone to do it. She lives twenty minutes away in a very large comfortable home with her husband. She is also in a very happy and loving marriage. It seems to me she's just wilfully oblivious to how important it is to me to be alone to undertake this task, however clear I was about it before I arrived.

I can imagine some people may think I've little to worry about but if I don't get this done in the next ten days I won't get it done before late summer. I am wondering to myself if I should just pack my bags and rent an Air BnB somewhere else while I've still got ten days left? I don't want to do anything to damage my friendship but I cannot say how important or irreplaceable this time is to me. I am also getting increasingly frustrated, another few days and I'll be extremely resentful - honestly this about the most boundary-less behaviour I've experienced in a long time!

Any opinions would be most welcome.

OP posts:
impossible · 07/01/2020 18:46

Did you manage to sort out somewhere else OP? I think it's difficult for people who don't work alone - especially writing - to fully understand the need for quiet and space to drift around in, knocking outs words as and when they come. I hope you find somewhere better.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 07/01/2020 18:48

Hope she comes back and tells us she's been busy moving.

HoneysuckleSpeck · 07/01/2020 18:56

Placemarking 😁

paranoidmum2 · 07/01/2020 19:02

Too soon to call her Bookzilla?

mummytraveller · 07/01/2020 19:02

yea good idea to leave! That would drive me insane.. I dont write but love quiet time, alone, chilling at home

KatyCarrCan · 07/01/2020 19:20

Are you a professional, paid, published writer or is this your hobby? It seems as though your friend thought it would be nice to spend time together hence why she offered you her flat for free. Very few people would make such an offer and think they'd never see you so I don't understand how you thought you could turn up effectively ignore her (when she usually lives a flight away) and then go home.

I'm a writer and even on writing retreats, you tend to socialise in the evenings so I'm bemused by your attitude. As such, I can see why your friend is struggling too.

I don't think this is worth losing a friendship over.

girlsyearapart · 07/01/2020 19:28

silencemeanswhataretheyupto do you reckon we qualify for royalties?

bridgetreilly · 07/01/2020 19:35

I don't understand how you thought you could turn up effectively ignore her (when she usually lives a flight away) and then go home.

Because the friend said she would be staying elsewhere and the flat would be empty. So OP thought the friend would be elsewhere and the flat would be empty. Weird, huh?

Tistheseason17 · 07/01/2020 19:37

Did you escape, OP?!!

Doidoit19 · 07/01/2020 19:42

Been lurking since the start of the thread. Hope you managed to escape OP!

FelicisNox · 07/01/2020 19:44

YANBU... Airbnb it is.

Try not to lose your friendship.

Explain the situation 1st, don't just leave.

FilledSoda · 07/01/2020 19:46

Hopefully you're in blissful solitude .
Her actions are bizarre and a bit narcissistic tbh.

BaolFan · 07/01/2020 19:48

Anyone else concerned that OP was caught in the act of trying to make a run for it, and has now trapped in a corner being talked at? Grin

Lunde · 07/01/2020 19:59

@KatyCarrCan - Very few people would make such an offer and think they'd never see you so I don't understand how you thought you could turn up effectively ignore her (when she usually lives a flight away) and then go home.

Because the friend doesn't live there and the expectation was that the friend would stay for a couple of nights and then leave OP to get on with her writing.

ilikemethewayiam · 07/01/2020 20:00

Definitely leave, this would really piss me off! The friend fully understood what OP was asking for when she offered the apartment and has completely gone back on her word. She seems to be playing dumb.

Jack80 · 07/01/2020 20:01

I would speak to said friend and check all is ok at home and that if it is does she realise you need 10 days peace to write your book

IdiotInDisguise · 07/01/2020 20:09

This is not going to end well... but you are right OP, you need to leave. It is not a holiday but just your very limited time you have to work

Patroclus · 07/01/2020 20:29

Out of interest how do you find 'remote cabin-style writers retreats' in the UK?

SilenceMeansWhatAreTheyUpTo · 07/01/2020 20:35

girlsyearapart Deffo! Grin

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 07/01/2020 20:53

Just in case the OP is looking for writing venues for next year. www.irishtimes.com/culture/books/writers-retreats-the-perfect-place-to-make-progress-1.2798519

SapphosRock · 07/01/2020 20:54

I imagine the OP has escaped and is busy writing rather than letting herself get distracted by Mumsnet.

MachineBee · 07/01/2020 21:17

I hope she’s just lost in her writing. I’m another one thinking her friend is deliberately sabotaging her writing break. A bit like friends who sabotage successful dieters.

NotTerfNorCis · 07/01/2020 21:22

Want to know what happened now! Did your friend find this thread?

Cherrysoup · 07/01/2020 21:22

Waiting for the update unless OP has had her legs smashed by a typewriter whilst she’s snowed in...

Omg!! 😱🤣

lborgia · 07/01/2020 21:26

Of course she hasn’t got time to update, she’s online a deadline people!!!!! Grin