Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I just walk out of here?

459 replies

Rayray118 · 06/01/2020 16:02

Okay, long story short I'm a writer who's been offered the exclusive use of a friends apartment abroad so I could spend two weeks writing. I dived on it of course. I've just begun a major project and will be enormously busy with my day job (I have one of those unfortunately!) for the rest of the spring and summer. Aside from weekends this is the only chunk of time I have to focus on this and if I don't get a decent 20,000 words written in these two weeks there's just no point in my being here.

20,000 words is easy going for two weeks and I left it at that as a plan because I wanted to spend a night or two at the weekends with my friend who owns the apartment. She lives about twenty minutes drive from here and lets out this apartment in short lets most of the year but of course in January it's quiet. I had expected, and made very clear, that I need solitude to write. I arrived here on Friday and so far solitude has been no part of this experience.

My friend stayed here Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I really wasn't expecting her to stay last night and thought that was pushing it, so I reminded her that as I'd said I need solitude to write. She seemed rather shocked and appalled when I suggested that she come back next weekend and leave me on my own till then. This morning she came up with some bizarre excuse about needing to stay tonight also. To me it's just getting ridiculous at this stage. To clarify, she is not lonely, nor is there any other reason I can see why she'd be so inconsiderate. She knows exactly what I came here to do and why it's so important that I be left alone to do it. She lives twenty minutes away in a very large comfortable home with her husband. She is also in a very happy and loving marriage. It seems to me she's just wilfully oblivious to how important it is to me to be alone to undertake this task, however clear I was about it before I arrived.

I can imagine some people may think I've little to worry about but if I don't get this done in the next ten days I won't get it done before late summer. I am wondering to myself if I should just pack my bags and rent an Air BnB somewhere else while I've still got ten days left? I don't want to do anything to damage my friendship but I cannot say how important or irreplaceable this time is to me. I am also getting increasingly frustrated, another few days and I'll be extremely resentful - honestly this about the most boundary-less behaviour I've experienced in a long time!

Any opinions would be most welcome.

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 07/01/2020 13:40

Have you made your escape op?

windycuntryside · 07/01/2020 13:44

Leave. Some people do not understand that ideas in the mind are lost with noise and chatter, I would be so resentful of wasting precious time.

Localocal · 07/01/2020 17:38

How about a pressing deadline? "I really want to hang out, but my deadline is in 10 days and if I don't work 16 hours a day for the next ten days I'll never make it. Thanks for the company, but I really need to focus now.'

MadameOvary · 07/01/2020 17:42

Maybe one if us could call you and act all mad that you’ve not done any work yet. Sometimes people “get it” if there’s an outside agency cracking the whip.

BonfireStarter · 07/01/2020 17:49

Definitely leave asap OP, if you haven't already. I think shes being very unfair and rude, you were clear from the outset and if she had any confusion you've definitely made her clear now.

If you dont leave asap then you'll get more angry.

girlsyearapart · 07/01/2020 17:54

If you’re writing a novel you could always use her as a character.
Even better if it’s a murder mystery and you need a victim Wink

ToftyAC · 07/01/2020 18:01

Awww OP! It was nice of her to offer, but pretty shitty behaviour now you’re there. FGS don’t tell her where you’re going in case she follows 😂 Best of luck for the great escape and I hope you can salvage some writing time!

Genevieva · 07/01/2020 18:04

@Rayray118 I don't have any advice on your friend, but I think this is what you need:

hoskinghouses.co.uk/wp/

Housemum · 07/01/2020 18:04

Waiting for the update unless OP has had her legs smashed by a typewriter whilst she’s snowed in...

BeatriceTheBeast · 07/01/2020 18:06

@Housemum Grin. That's an old reference!

I really hope you escaped op.

Harls1969 · 07/01/2020 18:06

Housemum

Waiting for the update unless OP has had her legs smashed by a typewriter whilst she’s snowed in
🙈😂😂😂

SilenceMeansWhatAreTheyUpTo · 07/01/2020 18:06

girlsyearapart Great idea to write a murder mystery - and since she's earwigging, it would also be a good time to discover the voice-recognition dictation software on the laptop ... Grin

DanceItOut · 07/01/2020 18:10

I'm an academic and people just don't understand the level of solitude and quiet you need to think and plan and write.

Escape OP escape!

SisterAgathaVanHelsing · 07/01/2020 18:11

I think the friend has willfully misunderstood in this case.

DrJackDaniels · 07/01/2020 18:12

I have to write long articles and copy as part of my job and absolutely could not concentrate with someone around. My mil used to continuously interrupt me if ever I had to work when she was round. It was like she couldn’t bare an awkward silence and had to fill it by asking me questions and trying to start conversations. Drove me mad!! I wouldn’t get flights home but would look for an air B&B or something so you don’t waste time on flights.

PineappleDanish · 07/01/2020 18:15

The problem is that if you work at home, lots of people don't perceive it as real work. i'm self-emplyoed as a freelance writer, my mother will regularly call me during the day and get all sniffy when I say I can't chat because I'm working. She'd never dream of calling my sister during office hours because she's at work....

EngiNerd · 07/01/2020 18:19

Could she be trying to sabotage you? Perhaps she's trying to get back at you for something in the past she feels you wronged her for?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/01/2020 18:21

Hope you’ve either escaped or sorted things out...

Choccylips · 07/01/2020 18:23

If you made that clear in the first place and its so important to your life, then I think you better leave on as friendly terms as possible, as I can't help but think she has some problems that she finds hard sharing, no matter what she has materially. But I realise you have your own and was honest about why you wanted to stay, so if she did she should have said.

Horcrux · 07/01/2020 18:25

Be interested to k ow what happened op

letsgopikachu · 07/01/2020 18:26

Hope you’ve made your escape drama free op

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/01/2020 18:35

She sounds like a nightmare?

Moaningmeadowlark · 07/01/2020 18:37

I completely understand Rayray, I would feel the same. Hope you have managed to find somewhere elsen

Moaningmeadowlark · 07/01/2020 18:37

*else

Twinkled · 07/01/2020 18:42

Do leave . I hope you can find somewhere comfortable to stay . She is not thinking about what you need . I would leave asap and try to start afresh for the days you have left. Talk with her about this after your writing holiday as it will just upset you/ I ncrease resentments now and intrude on you more. You need to keep a calm head to write. Good luck X

Swipe left for the next trending thread