Should I just walk out of here?

[Rayray118]

Okay, long story short I'm a writer who's been offered the exclusive use of a friends apartment abroad so I could spend two weeks writing. I dived on it of course. I've just begun a major project and will be enormously busy with my day job (I have one of those unfortunately!) for the rest of the spring and summer. Aside from weekends this is the only chunk of time I have to focus on this and if I don't get a decent 20,000 words written in these two weeks there's just no point in my being here.

20,000 words is easy going for two weeks and I left it at that as a plan because I wanted to spend a night or two at the weekends with my friend who owns the apartment. She lives about twenty minutes drive from here and lets out this apartment in short lets most of the year but of course in January it's quiet. I had expected, and made very clear, that I need solitude to write. I arrived here on Friday and so far solitude has been no part of this experience.

My friend stayed here Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I really wasn't expecting her to stay last night and thought that was pushing it, so I reminded her that as I'd said I need solitude to write. She seemed rather shocked and appalled when I suggested that she come back next weekend and leave me on my own till then. This morning she came up with some bizarre excuse about needing to stay tonight also. To me it's just getting ridiculous at this stage. To clarify, she is not lonely, nor is there any other reason I can see why she'd be so inconsiderate. She knows exactly what I came here to do and why it's so important that I be left alone to do it. She lives twenty minutes away in a very large comfortable home with her husband. She is also in a very happy and loving marriage. It seems to me she's just wilfully oblivious to how important it is to me to be alone to undertake this task, however clear I was about it before I arrived.

I can imagine some people may think I've little to worry about but if I don't get this done in the next ten days I won't get it done before late summer. I am wondering to myself if I should just pack my bags and rent an Air BnB somewhere else while I've still got ten days left? I don't want to do anything to damage my friendship but I cannot say how important or irreplaceable this time is to me. I am also getting increasingly frustrated, another few days and I'll be extremely resentful - honestly this about the most boundary-less behaviour I've experienced in a long time!

Any opinions would be most welcome.

Yes, if there is nothing else behind this, I would say to her 'thank you but this isn't working so I am going to be leaving tomorrow'. That alone might do the trick, and if not, leave. I would. Time is precious.

Are you paying for the apartment? If not I suspect this has blurred things

I would leave

If there's definitley nothing going on behind closed doors that you're unaware of, and she knew you needed alone time and offered you the apartment for that reason - then YANBU to pack up and go.

She obviously doesn't understand how important this project is to you, or how unlikely you are to be able to get this time back in the future, so cut your losses and scarper!

Once the 2 weeks is over, you can maybe have a conversation with her to explain why you had to leave.

She IBU to be hanging around knowing full well you're there to write, not entertain her

How clear were you before you went that you needed to be literally alone?

If you were very clear, just leave without apology. If not, explain yourself a bit as she is a friend doing you a favour.

Did she misunderstand and think this was a catch up/social thing? I’m trying to be kind about her, but given you told her you need to be alone to work, I can’t imagine she has been so dim! It’s tricky, it’s her apartment, but you’ve told her clearly, so if she doesn’t go today, you probably need to.

Cheap hotel, airbnb. Say to her you didn't think she needed to be there at the same time, crossed wires, you won't be in her way anymore.

Sorry; you say you were clear. I would just leave.

Or can you write at night/be asleep when she turns up?

God yes, leave. Odd behaviour from her if she knows what you're there for. Have you stayed there before? Does she just not get it? Maybe she thinks you'll write during office hours in the day and can spend evenings together. Maybe she thinks you're up to something so is hanging around in order to kibosh you. Who knows?

What is she doing all day?

Are you setting up your laptop in the living room and she's just hanging out there? Or are you setting up in the bedroom and she keeps coming in?

Do you keep regular writing hours, like 9 to 5? Or what?

I think if it was me I'd just retreat to the bedroom and wrote away. If that doesn't work, I'd probably leave.

The crossed wires suggestion is a really good one imo.

Yeah go and rent an airbnb. She's being weird, like she doesn't trust you to be left alone!

I would make my very polite excuses and leave. Thank her for the stay so far etc, but then move on. I hope she's ok etc, but if you really only have this time to work, then I would use that time.

Sounds like she hasn't taken your need for solitude when writing seriously, and decided this was a social visit.

Or perhaps she is having issues at home you weren't aware of. Really, it could be any number of things. Is she normally supportive of your writing projects?

How much are you paying her to rent her apartment? If you are not paying her, I suspect she sees it as you coming to visit her and catch up with her.

My experience of this kind of thing is that, unless other people do a similar kind of thing writing, academic work, poetry they have no real idea of what is meant by solitude and think that bothering you every half hour to chat, to offer tea, to update you on the random thoughts that are passing through their mind is a kind of friendly kindness. It seems not to matter how clearly or thoroughly you explain what you need -- the words seem to mean something different to them.

In short, if you want to get the work done, run.

If she wants to stay you aren't I. A position to tell her no, but why not just say that you are going to treat the writing like a job so of she is staying you will see her in the evening but you are not to be disturbed between 9 and 5 unless for lunch?

She seems to be making some sort of weird point. Are there any libraries nearby you can escape to during the day until she leaves? I've worked from a posh hotel lobby in a pinch.

It's her apartment so it's up to her.

@schoolcats, that's not what the OP asked. Yes, I would leave under these circumstances @Rayray118, not flouncing, just calmly.

Yes, I think I'd go and find somewhere else. You've only got this opportunity. I'd try to minimise damage though, can you meet her this coming weekend? Say something like you so appreciate her generosity, and it's been fabulous to see her, but as you have to get this work done you need to be completely and utterly alone to get it done with no distractions, and so you're going to find somewhere else, but you'd love to see her Saturday night. Is she free?

That gives her a chance to say she gets it now, and she'll see you Saturday, or you'll find somewhere.

My ex used to say that he understood I needed quiet to write. I'd plead being up against my deadline and needing to write, he said it would be fine.

Then he'd come over and instantly turn the TV on.

People don't understand that peace and quiet and solitude for a writer on a deadline doesn't mean 'oh, I'll be really quiet and tiptoe around and just bring you tea and ask you how you're getting on and what you'd like for lunch and if you fancy a day out...'

They just don't get that it means ABSOLUTE PEACE AND QUIET.

Is she leaving you alone during the day and then coming round in the evenings? Maybe she thought that 'working hours' was enough time to work on your project?

Ask her directly if you'd be able to stay there alone for the rest of the time, as if not you will need to make alternative arrangements immediately so you can focus.