When people say "presence not presents" on an invitation?

[Holidayaddict]

We've been invited to a surprise party for a good friend and neighbour's significant birthday and her DH has written that on the invitation. Do we take him at his word and just take a nice card or still take a small gift? If so, any ideas? Sure she'll have lots of flowers and doesn't really drink. Grateful if anyone could advise on correct etiquette! Thank you x

It’s about getting a gift appropriate for the individual no?

But the individual has requested no gifts so why would you get a bottle of cordial?!

@shirley I don’t see bringing a nice bottle of something to a party as a ‘gift’ as such but more contributing something to the party that they can choose to use up although I would be happy bringing just a card also if they’ve specified that. Same as bringing some nice food that people can eat. But I would want to make sure it was something the birthday person could enjoy - I likewise wouldn’t bring a meat dish to a vegetarians house at a dinner party which is pretty similar to giving alcohol to a teetotaller.

I don’t see bringing a nice bottle of something to a party as a ‘gift’ as such but more contributing something to the party that they can choose to use up although I would be happy bringing just a card also if they’ve specified that. Same as bringing some nice food that people can eat.

The party is being held in a hall, any food or drink to be consumed would have to be taken home again....

Didn’t see that - in those circumstances I would probably just bring a card.

I’ll save my cordial for people like @ShowOfHands

@Batqueen

Probably best to wait until you’ve been cordially invited...

I always think what it means is in present but cash instead liked no boxed gifts.

By the time people reach significant birthdays, they're usually trying to clear their lives of stuff, not acquire more. If they say no gifts, that's what they mean. Then they won't feel obliged to reciprocate with gifts for your birthday, either. And neither side will be faced with the chore of recycling it all to the charity shop.

I always think what it means is in present but cash instead liked no boxed gifts.

Well it doesn't. It means what it says. No presents.

Nice bottle of cordial???? FFS if I wanted a nice bottle of cordial, I'd buy it in the supermarket - not lug it home from a party. (What if everybody brought one?)
I hope there's a waste bin outside the hall!

Just checked the invitation and the precise wording is "your presence is enough of a present" which I guess is pretty much the same. Like the idea of suggesting in a nice card a birthday coffee so will likely go with something like that. We would not normally buy each other presents or even cards tbh but it's her 60th

We would not normally buy each other presents or even cards tbh but it's her 60th

Yes but what makes the occasion of a 60th better than a £2.99 bottle of elderflower squash! Celebration! She’ll remember it forever!

Holidayaddict that sounds perfect. Of all the suggestions on here going out for a coffee with my friend is the only one I’d want (for the love of god I hope no one ever buys me a pot plant, you can’t even donate or regift that).

So, the people who couldn’t possibly bring themselves to follow the request on the invitation. I guess we can assume that if your husband arranged a surprise party for you and 50 of your friends turned up and it was a brilliant party, you’d just be thinking, well that’s all very well but I can’t believe none of those arseholes brought me a present, I’d rather they hadn’t fucking come because they clearly aren’t real friends?
Or is it just that you can’t resist the sly little insinuation of, well, I know you said no presents, but if your social skills were as highly developed as mine you’d know that’s unacceptable, so I brought one to teach you?
Because both of these seem pretty rude, really.

@Batqueen you sound like a perfect guest and I await my cordial with gleeful anticipation. I shall neck it while you sit at the free bar writing aibu threads about the party.

Pot plants are a hideous gift, I got two for Christmas (unwanted gifts, from people I don't give presents to ), one is now dead as I don't know how to look after them property and the other just sits in the kitchen counter looking sad.

No gifts means NO gifts - no wine, champagne, chocolates, flowers, plants, candles or cordial.

We got married abroad and said no presents
We didn't need anything and it was costing enough as it was for other people