AIBU to let my 8 year old wax her legs?

[ReverieMe]

NC for this as I am totally surprised by my post as it feels slightly insane ..

My 8 year old daughter is happy and confident. She’s already very sporty, plays lots of sports her school consider ‘boys sports’, not got a ‘best friend’ at school but never seems lonely. At parents evening, teacher says that she plays well with everyone but doesn’t need friend validation. (Feel like this is relevant as she’s not one to listen to ‘peer pressure’ as such.)

Anyway, recently she has mentioned a few times how embarrassed she feels about her hairy legs (they are, admittedly, very hairy). She is desperate to get rid of the hairs and it’s making her feel so worried about the summer and wearing short socks as she ‘hates the way they look’. She’s so upset. Very out of character.

My initial, feminist, why should kids feel these ridiculous patriarchal body image standards, reaction was to talk to her about how we are all different, to think about the amazing things her legs can do like run and jump etc etc. But. Months of that chat and she still feels the same.

So I turn to Mumsnet and a search and a similar thread a couple of years ago and almost every reply says let the daughter in question shave the legs.

I am totally torn, surely if I’m teaching her about body autonomy, this is her choice?! Why should she feel crap about her hair as frankly, I’m not sure it’s my job to single handily fight the good fight in favour of not wanting to remove body hair as I shave mine and have done since I was about 11!

Please help my quandary oh Mumsnet wise people.

YABU - don’t let her get rid of the hair
YANBU - let her get rid of the hair

I had the same issue when I was around the same age and my mum caved and let me use Immac cream. It meant the world to me back then as it made me so self-conscious. I was a dancer.

So so you mean wax or shave as you've mentioned both? If she is really hairy as you say then, yes, I'd help her shave them. Dd shaves hers irregularly.

I had the same issue with dark hairs growing near my upperlip at the same age and remember feeling so embarassed about it when a boy from school pointed at them.

Wax them for the sake of your DD.

I'd let her, it would be horrible for her if being selfish conscious led her to stop doing what she loved.

Not waxing as it can cause ingrowing hair. 8 does seem young, but if she wants to shave or use cream, let her, also let her know its her body, her rules. If she is anything like my DD she will do it a couple of times before she realised what a faff it all is!

Tell her that she has nothing to be embarrassed about but that you'll support her either way.

@dementedpixie I guess I was thinking of suggesting we try something different for her as shaving is just so annoying every few days?! I saw the other thread recommended those hair removal mitts for younger girls too.

Absolutely NBU.
If a female wanting to feel comfortable isn't a feminist issue, then I don't know what is.
You will probably get some people saying she's too young blabla but they aren't the 8 year old who is going to get noticed.
I am transparent blonde and so is dd but her best friend is very dark (we're in Italy) Friend's mum refused to let her dd do hair removal until she was about 14 and the child was mortified.

Bodily autonomy can also be choosing to immac.

Yes. Allow her to remove the hair in whatever way she deems easiest. At that age I was incredibly hairy and my mum refused to help me. At 10 i shaved myself with no direction and cut myself badly yet kept it secret because i knew I'd been told not to. I got an infection in the cut and ended up in a lot of pain and on antibiotics.

The hair made me really self conscious and depressed. I was also low level bullied about it by classmates who mentioned it every PE session.

Let her feel comfortable in her own body. If that means removing hair, then allow her to do so.

Yes let her, it’s cruel to send her to school knowing she’d be embarrassed.

My daughter also had very hairy legs and she wanted to remove her hair. We talked about it for ages and she felt the same way throughout so I shaved her legs when she was 9. She's 11 now and uses an electric shaver herself and is much happier.

I think wax is so painful! Why not shave or get her a hair trimmer? Veet does a battery operated one. I was self conscious at that age about body hair, my mum was not very hairy unlike me and just couldnt understand my feelings so didnt help me with. I remember feeling very aware of it and embarassed, using scissors to trim my leg hair and using my pocket money for stinky hair removal creams in secret .
She should have been more supportive but this is nothing really as she was very neglectful anyway.

My dd sees me remove body hair and when she asked at age 8 i got her the veet trimmer and showed her how to use it. I said to her its body grooming there is nothing wrong with body hair at all its a preference or practical thing, like athletes removing body hair or choosing to grow long nails, beard etc. Its a style like how you choose to have your hair long or short. I told her she is beautiful and perfect and hair is normal, some people are hairier and some are less or have removed it or its less visible on their skin.

I would let her do it. With waxing, you've got to be prepared to let it grow out a bit as well before you can get it done again so she might not like that.

You could try a dry ladyshave type thing to avoid her catching her skin.

Yanbu. I went through the exact same dilemma but I remove my own body hair so why shouldn’t my daughter.

I got her a razor from Wilkinson Sword that has a sort of cage over so it was really safe.

Then I got a Lumea that has a sensor to detect skin colour. She was in year six by then I think.

I had (still have) extremely hairy arms and legs as a child and was very embarrassed by it from a young age. The first time being around 6 and boys in my class calling me a monkey during p.e. My mother never let me do anything about it and I feel it really effected my confidence. Please help her remove the hair if that’s what she wants.

It has to be her choice. Feminism is not about making choices for other people and one can be feminist in many different ways. In principle I would like to not feel obliged to shave my legs but having tried for 6 months not to, I just don't like how they look. I know it's a cultural stereotype but I just can't get over myself. It's a lot to ask an 8yo to do better than us.

At 10 or 11 I’d say definitely let her but 8 seems so young. My son is 8 and I can’t imagine him or any of his classmates noticing anything like this.
I guess if she’s been saying it for months it must mean a lot to her.
You’re making me think now as DD is 10 and has mentioned her hairy legs a few times (they are very hairy) but she hasn’t seemed that desperate to get rid of it.

My mum refused to let me and I was very self conscious with dark hair on my legs... So I used to raid the bathroom supplies and shaved them anyway, dry, with a plastic BIC razor shudder. Give her the choice and help her learn how to do it properly looking after her skin x

The hair removal mitts in Boots are great. I’ve found them really effective on my legs and they’d be much gentler than waxing or shaving or hair removal cream for an 8 year old.
They’re like very fine sandpaper and they literally rub the hair away!

www.boots.com/wilkinson-sword-quattro-for-women-replacement-blades-6s-10082213

Here they are. They are called wire wrapped blades.

I think whatever method she chooses is fine. Why not?
I don't give a shit about what men think I look like (I'm asexual) or care what anyone thinks about me and consider myself a strong feminist but I still remove bodily hair because I find it comfortable, I enjoy the feel and lookof my smooth legs and dislike underarm hair because it gets sweaty and smelly.
I don't like underarm hair on men either, I think it looks awful.

Other people prefer not to epilate and that's fine too.

Definitely let her get waxing treatment. I wish it was around when I first started shaving.

I agree with PP that you do need to let her if she wants to. It's her body and while it's a shame she feels like this, she is old enough to make some decisions over it. I think those hair removal mitts are a really good idea, I used them as a teenager.

Well, there is another option- would you be willing to forego shaving your legs, at least for the rest of the winter, as then she will see that women can and do have hairy legs? Then in the summer if she wants to wear short socks and still remove the hair then you can help her to do that? I rarely shave anymore in winter as I want my kids (girls and boy) to know that women grow body hair, its normal, and its a choice to take it off or let it grow. Maybe explain too that during winter it helps keep you warm?

If you can afford it buy a Philips Lumea. When my dds reach an age where they are bothered I plan to help them shave then use my Lumea to minimise the hair growth for them. I am dark and hairy so know the embarrassment of it!