AIBU to let my 8 year old wax her legs?

[ReverieMe]

NC for this as I am totally surprised by my post as it feels slightly insane ..

My 8 year old daughter is happy and confident. She’s already very sporty, plays lots of sports her school consider ‘boys sports’, not got a ‘best friend’ at school but never seems lonely. At parents evening, teacher says that she plays well with everyone but doesn’t need friend validation. (Feel like this is relevant as she’s not one to listen to ‘peer pressure’ as such.)

Anyway, recently she has mentioned a few times how embarrassed she feels about her hairy legs (they are, admittedly, very hairy). She is desperate to get rid of the hairs and it’s making her feel so worried about the summer and wearing short socks as she ‘hates the way they look’. She’s so upset. Very out of character.

My initial, feminist, why should kids feel these ridiculous patriarchal body image standards, reaction was to talk to her about how we are all different, to think about the amazing things her legs can do like run and jump etc etc. But. Months of that chat and she still feels the same.

So I turn to Mumsnet and a search and a similar thread a couple of years ago and almost every reply says let the daughter in question shave the legs.

I am totally torn, surely if I’m teaching her about body autonomy, this is her choice?! Why should she feel crap about her hair as frankly, I’m not sure it’s my job to single handily fight the good fight in favour of not wanting to remove body hair as I shave mine and have done since I was about 11!

Please help my quandary oh Mumsnet wise people.

YABU - don’t let her get rid of the hair
YANBU - let her get rid of the hair

I bought my DD an electric shaver with a trimmer attachment.

Initially she just just the trimmer lightly and it was enough to reduce the hair but not be obviously shaved.

She's older now and shaves her legs but still uses the trimmer if she just wants a quick run over her legs

This one

https://www.philips.co.uk/c-p/HP634102/satinshave-essential-wet-and-dry-lady-shaver?origin=777000000015781647170000005762745445870000533333416192700047444539967&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzP3r5bPs5gIViZntCh25gAfoEAQYASABEgJH4vDD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I'm horrified as a feminist at the very thought but remember not being allowed control over my own body in similar ways during puberty and the absolute rage of it.

Non harmful, non permanent alterations to ease her comfort should be ok. 8 is young though but I think that's just the way it's going!

If you can afford a home IPL machine then those are really easy to use and will avoid the problem of stubble etc. I have one I got from Boots and used it once a week for something like 10 weeks and now I don’t ever shave my legs- 90% of the hair is permanently gone and the rest is too fine to see. They are hygienic too so you and your daughter could both use one device. I’m not sure if they are deemed okay for children to use though but I can’t see why not if you are supervising - think it would only be unsuitable in case your daughter didn’t follow the instructions properly.

Ps I get why a permanent hair removal device might cause concern for some people but I’m not sure anyone really changes their mind down the line and wishes they’d left their legs hairy after all.

I’m dreading this question because I would hate my DD to think any part of her isn’t ok but I know it’s inevitable because that’s the society we live in. I think the silky mitts as suggested up post would be the gentlest method. I wouldn’t want to be using wax, razors or hair removal creams in such sensitive skin. I suppose it depends on the child but there is no way on earth my DD(9) could handle the pain of waxing. She does seem to be particularly sensitive to and anxious about pain in general though.

Ps you need to be through puberty and hormone stable for ipl machines to work properly and for that reason they are not recommended for under 18s

Pps that’s a shame because IPL is great

I have lumea i wouldnt use it on my dd! Its not right imo to do this on an under 16.

Definitely let her remove the hairs, kids can be so mean about things like that.
Would recommend waxing too, not shaving. She'll be thankful when she's older.

Not waxing at her age- it's so painful on such young skin! I don't think I'd encourage the hair removal, but as a dark haired hairy woman myself I can understand how she feels.

Maybe as a compromise say ok to immac, no more than once every few weeks or so, and maybe not all the way up her leg. Can you do it for her the first few times? It's a strong chemical that I wouldn't just hand over to an eight year old.

Only said YABU as wax will likely put her off. Why not cream or shave?

Not wax but I'd let her remove the hair if it's affecting her confidence. Maybe try an electric shaver? My mum wouldn't let me shave at around 11-12 so I 'borrowed' her bic razor and dry shaved and ended up sore. I wish she'd just let me and shown me how to do it properly.
My DD of the same age has very hairy arms she's really conscious of. I'm trying to reassure her but she wants to keep them covered. Not quite sure how to tackle arms but if it was her legs I would let her shave.

I was the same around this age. My mum said no so I used an old Bic razor from the bin and I still have the scar. I am very much of the opinion that it was my body and my right to choose. To this day I don't like my own body hair and get rid of all of it, am saving for a Lumea. What anyone else does with their body is their choice.

Hi OP. I was 12 when I first shaved my legs, my mum didnt teach me how and I took a razor to my legs on my own. I cut myself really badly because I didnt know what I was doing. If she wants to do it she'll do it anyway. I think you should teach her.

My dd started to get a bit self conscious about hairy legs at around 10. I held her off for a while, but at the start of last summer (when she was 11),it was really bothering her, and she was starting to cover her legs up to avoid them being seen. I bought her an electric shaver, we sat on the side of the tub together, and I showed her how to do it. I also showed her how to use my razor, which is an Intuition one (the shave cream is in a block around the razor, so it's not as easy to cut yourself). She ended up preferring the razor.
I would say if it's affecting her confidence, then go for it. I hate that it's a thing, I hate that it's an "expected" standard of beauty, but I also don't want to make that choice for her. I also shave (in summer) , so I suppose I can't really try and convince her not to do something that I do myself.

Is shaving making hair thicker/growth back fuller really a myth? I have noticed a difference in my legs since I started shaving as opposed to using cream (due to laziness).. My legs are definitely worse now than before. Maybe it's a coincidence.
(the pp referring to baldness - I'm not sure body hair quite works in the same way as 'head' hair...)

@keepingbees I shaved my arms as a teenager and felt a lot better. Stopped around 17ish and haven't done it since (maybe my hormones stabilised?)

i would recommend the 'sandpaper' type pads, I buy in bulk off e bay, 40 for around a fiver. they stick on a plastic pad and you rub gently in circles. they leave my legs really smooth and very soft as obviously the exfoliate, so no more lizard skin I swear the hair grows back slower and finer.

If she's very bothered by it then YANBU

@oblada - yes, it is a myth. They feel thicker and look darker because the hair has been cut level with the skin so you are left with a blunt end, rather than the pointed end of a naturally growing hair. And of course you are left with stubble when they grow out, which feels more abundant than hair growing back naturally and softly from the follicle when you wax. I find I still get stubble if I use Nair or similar, because that just disolves the hair above the skin.