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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex refusing to return son

92 replies

SiempreDot · 04/01/2020 21:59

Cross posting here for traffic.

Ex came to pick up our son on friday and saw there were moving boxes. Temporarily moving to parents whilst a new house two minutes from ours is renovated.

I haven't told him our new address due to emotional abuse and stalking - this was based on legal advice from a solicitor who said there's no legal reason you have to disclose your address.

We are in an appeal hearing on a Monday where he has appealed the judge's decision which ruled against himS He has now text me to say he is refusing to bring our 3 year old son home because our son has said apparently we're moving to Brighton (we live in the north). This is totally bizarre. I believe he's trying to set me up before court on Monday to say I'm some kind of flight risk.

This is one of a long list of inflammatory things he's done before court. On Christmas Day, he refused to return him at the agreed time claiming his car had broken and then all his family had hidden their cars down a side road when I arrived.

I don't know what to do if he doesn't return him tomorrow? Can the police be involved? The court order says drop off at 5pm on Sunday.

If he does fail to to return him, I'm minded to say in court that he isn't safe to have our son because of his decision to engage in these games. Can someone advise me how to play this in court? And whether the police could do anything tomorrow?

Really out of my mind with worry.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2020 22:02

Is he on the birth certificate?

Pumpkinpie1 · 04/01/2020 22:03

When was he supposed to drop him off?
Is it Sunday?

Original poster
SiempreDot · 04/01/2020 22:07

Yes, he's on birth certificate.

Court order says he needs to drop him off at 5pm on Sunday. He's apparently taken 'legal advice' from this Fathers for Justice Mckenzie Friend to say withhold him. I feel like with court on Monday, he's trying to establish a narrative.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2020 22:08

There's a court order there for a reason, he's got to bring him back. The court aren't going to be impressed with him ignoring them.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/01/2020 22:09

If he doesn't bring him back when he's meant to, I'd be calling the police. You've got a court order stating it.

Homemadearmy · 04/01/2020 22:10

This may not be the right advice for you, but I preferred my ex to know where I was, because I knew if I moved he would look for me. And I'd always be looking over my shoulder waiting for him to find me.

Coldilox · 04/01/2020 22:12

If there is a court order in place then yes you can involve the police

RuggerHug · 04/01/2020 22:14

He's put it in writing that he's knowingly going against a court order. That won't work for him at all on Monday. If your DS isn't back by 5 tomorrow I would be straight onto the police about it. Make sure your solicitor knows about what he's said before you go in so it can be used. Good luck.

Legomanships · 04/01/2020 22:14

As long as you don’t feel your son is in any danger I would just say to make sure you keep all communications with him polite and to the point, reassure him your move is local. Once you’ve done that he doesn’t really have a leg to stand on. You need to speak to your lawyer though, they are best placed to play this in court for you because they have seen this a million time’s.

Report if he doesn’t return him, but don’t get into a fight over it so long as your son is safe. He will have to explain the breach in court, which will be to your benefit.

Retroflex · 04/01/2020 22:21

Had you not had a court order in place, the police could have asked him to return your child to you, but they could not have removed the child, however you do have a court order in place, which means that technically by refusing to return the child to your care on time, he is effectively breaking the law.

RandomMess · 04/01/2020 22:23

I would just reply "I am not leaving the local area so there is no reason to not return as per the court order"

slipperywhensparticus · 04/01/2020 22:25

The police might not do anything you will have to go to court Monday morning to get the order enforced

Long term he should know where you live as he will now use this against you claiming he is in fear of you preventing access so he preempted your actions

katielilly · 04/01/2020 22:31

His appeal isn't being heard until Monday, and may be unsuccessful anyway, so he must abide by the only court order in existence.

Ring the police if he doesn't stick to the court ordered arrangement tomorrow.
This will not help his appeal. What is he thinking ....

KTheGrey · 04/01/2020 22:37

Keep the text as it shows an attempt to threaten / intimidate, as well as a declaration of intention to break the law. Show it to your legal rep Monday.
If your ex does breach the order he is less likely to get any variation in it in Monday.

If

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 04/01/2020 22:38

what an idiot. he's going against a court order and its not going to do him any favours.

TeddyIsaHe · 04/01/2020 22:39

Call the police now. You need to show you are making efforts to stick to the court order and having this on police record is going to go massively against him on Monday.

Keep every single text, email etc.

TeddyIsaHe · 04/01/2020 22:39

And wrote down with dates and times exactly what has happened and been said.

Quartz2208 · 04/01/2020 22:40

Yes because you have a court order the police can get involved

Wait and see and then get it all rolling tomorrow

TeddyIsaHe · 04/01/2020 22:41

Oh, just realised drop off isn’t till tomorrow - sorry! If he is late, call the police. Show them the evidence. He’s breaking the law if he doesn’t return on time.

PJMasksGhekko · 04/01/2020 22:45

You phone the police tomorrow at 5pm if he's not returned.

Merrymumoftwo · 04/01/2020 22:49

Police will do welfare check but you will need to take it back to court and request a motion for contempt of court. Police can’t forcibly remove just suggest that child is returned and if he refuses, given he also has parental responsibility, they can’t make him as this is a family court matter not a criminal one. Strongly suggest ringing solicitor

darthbreakz · 04/01/2020 22:53

Farthers for Justice are nasty fuckers.

You could call the police on 101 and say that he's threatening to not return your son and ask their advice. Presumably, since you have a court order they will say that they will take action if it comes to it and you can very calmly, say to your ex that if your son isn't back by the agreed time, you will be calling the police.

Did he say he wasn't bringing him back by text or on the phone? I would suggest keeping communication in writing - text or email as much as possible.

Sorry you're going through this - he sounds awful!

BrendasUmbrella · 04/01/2020 22:54

If he's any more than 30 minutes late at drop-off call the police.

And at court on Monday take proof with you of your next address.

Spacey306 · 04/01/2020 22:56

I've been in this position. The court order said days and times. police can't do anything at all unless he's in danger. Court orders are useless, they said I'd need to get a solicitor and go back to court. I walked in his house the next day and got him back myself.

IdiotInDisguise · 04/01/2020 22:58

Get your solicitor to get an emergency appointment at court to get your child back ASAP.

To be honest, it is a bit naive not to expect a response from him if he could see a move coming and you refused to tell him where, saying a few blocks from here would have been enough.