Upset by mum when I need her most

[Potato1980]

Hi all long post alert but need to rant I'm in the process of planning to leave a abusive relationship and my mum has said I can go live with her!I'm grateful as shes 70blives on her own and I'm 40 only a care assistant so not on much money best I could hope for is a house share she has agreed I can live with her but making very sure shes given 500 per month food bill money I'm only on 900 so significant amount which is fine I dont want her out of pocket although I would like to point out that she has no mortgage and a decent pension but it's the moaning of I carnt cope your whingeing at me stressing me out etc I've got to 5alk to someone and we are planning together how I can leave in secret and when so my contract on my house is up so I dont have debts left on property but shes upsetting me with her whingeing when I ring her what hes done now etc I'm living in this situation and having to work and I feel she should support me more especially since when she left her husband 10 years ago I had her live with me for six months with no notice..no kids involved

Is that £500 a month for food only or does that include gas electricity water if she is on a meter extra council tax if she is paying a single persons council tax?

I am sorry to hear your situation. It’s a real shame your mum is like that just when you need support the most. That is a lot of money per month. I am amazed she doesn’t just ask for a token amount so that you can start saving to get your own place.

There are other options such as homeshareuk.org/
This might work well for you with your care assistant background.

Just see this as a temporary solution living with your mum before you move on to the next stage in your life. Best of luck to you x

Plus could you gently remind your mum of when she lived with you for 6 months. Did you charge her rent then?

She's asking for far too much money. I would tell her the truth - you can't afford that and tell her you'll pay for your own food and split the bills. Why is she wanting to profit from your situation? She sounds mean.

Thanks it does include food but I still think with only a 40 pound increase in council tax shes taking the mick abit a room share would be that much and I'd buy my own toiletries I told her

Purple b 39 I charged her 30 food 30 Bill's pw

Just refuse to pay that amount and if she won't be reasonable then get your own place. How much did you charge when she lived with you? That's a crazy amount of money.

You were being so kind to her and charged her just a small amount. Please remind her of that.
If you have time and can manage it look around at other options, don’t feel pushed into staying with her because once you are there it might be difficult to leave.

That's harsh coming from your mum and not normal tbh. If your mum was hard up and stuck for cash fair enough but for her to turn your situation into a money maker for herself is hard to take. By all means give her half the bills and food but rent - no bloody way.

If you have to, I would remind her of when you put her up for 6 months.

Don’t move in with her. Look elsewhere, you are mixing from miserable situation to another, out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Mixing should be moving

I would certainly remind her . £500 a month for food?

Maybe move into a bed sit elsewhere? Seems a bit steep.

I dont think asking for 500 / month is excessive however:

watch you dont end up in a situation living with your mum where you become unhappy and finish up moving in with a new partner just to get out of the situation - im not saying you would do it but lots of women have done it and it makes you very very vulnerable being desperate and to moving in with some guy who is going to treat you as badly as your present partner. have you done the freedom programme?

it looks like you could be going from one type of dependence to another

What’s her financial position? Could you find somewhere else for less than that?

I’d prefer a house share to moving in with any relative. £500 should get you some fort of alternative accommodation where you’d be independent ( unless you’re inLondon).

It's good but I dont want to feel I'm ripping her off but in a small house I think 40 elec 40 gas and 40 water is what I'd be paying in my own flat she wants 250 for food and rest us internet and increase in council tax

I only spend 300 for myself and partner food at mo

Why can’t you pay bills and a bit of rent but buy your own food?

I may suggest this as I feel like even my diet is going to be controlled by her!

God I'd house share at least you'd have peace when you want it.

I don't want to sound horrible and judgemental as I am obviously just going of this tiny bit of information but your mums behaviour is getting my back up and us just making me feel like it would be like moving in with another abusive partner :(

Does she really need to charge you £50 a week for food? Can you not just agree with her to buy your own food? I would be contributing an absolute max of £250 to her living costs out of fairness. If she is mortgage free then like you said, £250 is absolutely more than enough to cover the CT increase and utility bill increase. Probably still too much to be honest and I could never imagine my mum being so grabby.

It just screams red flags to me and I really think it would be healing for you to try your very best to get into some sort of supported housing. I don't know much about fleeing abusive relationships but would you maybe be eligible for support?

Room shares are still probably expensive in relation to your budget but as a single person you are eligible for housing benefit to cover a single room. It just sounds like a suffocating and stressful situation that you really don't deserve

It's not going to work and you may end up going back to your ex just to get away from your mum.

You need to think of alternatives. Don't waste your money on your mum now; she hasn't got your interests at heart.

This isn't going to work, is it?
To be honest, I'd be looking for a room in a house share. It sounds like living with your mum will be too stressful and living together might well lead to your relationship with her breaking down entirely.

£250 a month for food alone? Did i read that right? Bilmey OP your mum is ripping you off! You’ll probably be best and move into a shared house or bed sit and save yourself the extra stress. It doesn’t sound like a healthy situation.