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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she can't just have fallen asleep?

83 replies

Nicebathinpeace · 04/01/2020 15:20

Just sitting here waiting for ex to pick the kids up, he normally picks them up after his class but he didn’t go today so I called him at 11.30am and asked him what time he’s going to be here. And he says they need to do some shopping first before picking the kids up, they’re getting dressed and ready now. I say ok, and he puts his partners little girl on the phone, she says hi etc, spoke to her for a bit she’s only 2.

Anyway I just called him now at 3pm. Apparently he hasn’t even left the house yet because the little girl ‘fell asleep’Hmmshe just woke up from her nap now and they going now Hmm

AIBU to think they’ve just put the child down for a nap instead of her ‘falling asleep’? I was speaking to her on the phone and they were getting dressed?

Tbh he always picks them up on time, just not feeling well today. I’m on my period, and was really looking forward to a nice bath in peace.

And that all time he was just at home. Ugh.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/01/2020 15:28

I'd be seeing red personally. He's made a commitment to his kids and he hasn't turned up on time because well he couldn't be arsed and he's taking it for granted that you have nothing better to do than sit around all day and wait for him to show up.

Beccaishere · 04/01/2020 15:30

You was speaking to your ex’s new partners 2 year old daughter? Hmm

Apart from that to Be honest it sounds more like the problem is you need a set time so your not hanging around waiting for him pick the kids up whether the other child had a nap isn’t important. You need to sit down and put arrangements in place in regards to times. He could have collected the kids on his own and left the mum to stay with napping child.

SkateAway · 04/01/2020 15:47

Either way he could have left his partner and the 2yo at home and collected his children so he's still an arse.

Peterspotter · 04/01/2020 15:49

No they didn’t bother setting off when they said they were.

I’d be really annoyed to for my kids

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/01/2020 15:49

If a 2 year old falls asleep you just pick them up and put them in the car, don't you? She'd have just fallen asleep again anyway.

He's just being a lazy dick. I'd assume he didn't want to have to look after more than 1 child on his own because it doesn't sound like the new partner was there.

Mlou32 · 04/01/2020 15:52

Regardless of whether or not they put her down for a nap or she fell asleep; if he has stated that he is just getting ready and has to do a bit of shopping first, that would indicate that he'll be maybe an hour or two. He should have then texted you to let you know that he'll be a bit later than expected when it became apparent that he would be late. I think setting a specific time in future would be advisable, along with a rule that if someone is going to be late, then to communicate that in advance.

darthbreakz · 04/01/2020 15:54

Aside from the issues about being late for his kids etc, my daughter just falls asleep randomly sometimes. Though if I had to be somewhere, I might just put her in the car anyway as she'll sleep in there as well as anywhere else.

If he's otherwise OK, I'd be inclined to leave it for now.

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/01/2020 15:57

No specific time was set so YABU to be upset that he picked them up later than you thought he would.

If a 2yr old falls asleep (and many do after lunch), I would never pick them up and put them in a car. I’d wait until they woke up before going out.

In future, set a specific time for pick up so you are not feeling like you are on hold all day long.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 04/01/2020 15:59

YANBU she obviously didn't randomly fall asleep for 4 hours, even if she did fall asleep that doesn't mean everyone else's lives need to be put on hold. His partner could have stayed while he went to get his kids or they could have just woken her up again.

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 04/01/2020 16:01

2 year olds do sometimes just fall asleep. I would just have picked them up and put in the car though if I needed to be somewhere.

I had a really odd friend who would turn up an hoir late to things "because x fell asleep". Some people really do do that 😳.

I dont think its an excuse for not picking kids up though.

BottleOfJameson · 04/01/2020 16:02

If a 2yr old falls asleep (and many do after lunch), I would never pick them up and put them in a car. I’d wait until they woke up before going out.

No you wouldn't! If you had plans to be somewhere you wouldn't just expect everyone to wait around for you because of a 2 year old's nap.

He had told OP they were going to be going to the shop then coming round so OP clearly expected him in about an hour and was waiting in for him to come. It's very rude to just expect OP to sit around waiting when she could be getting on with her day.

IncrediblySadToo · 04/01/2020 16:05

Maybe they had a EIW ir something else happened that he didn’t want to discuss.

Not picking your kids up at the normal time is unacceptable, but if this is a one off I would just say that to him. YOU and the children need him to be reliable - whether his class is on or not. You’re not there to facilitate his ‘new’ life.

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/01/2020 16:05

If a 2yr old falls asleep (and many do after lunch), I would never pick them up and put them in a car. I’d wait until they woke up before going out.

No you wouldn't! If you had plans to be somewhere you wouldn't just expect everyone to wait around for you because of a 2 year old's nap.

Yes I would and did. My four are long past toddlerhood but I never ever took them out of their beds asleep to put them in a car so I could go somewhere. Children do not sleep as well. Car seats are not very comfortable. Whatever I had to do could wait.

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 04/01/2020 16:07

Wow.

IndecentFeminist · 04/01/2020 16:10

Could his new partner not have stayed behind and he collected children?

diddl · 04/01/2020 16:11

Why did his partner's daughter being asleep prevent him from picking up his kids?

Seems very odd to me that two adults were effectively stuck in the house waiting for a 2yr old to wake up!

Greysparkles · 04/01/2020 16:12

Whatever I had to do could wait

Even if you had to pick up you're other children?

BlackCatSleeping · 04/01/2020 16:16

I guess you know next time to set a specific time.

BlackCatSleeping · 04/01/2020 16:18

What I mean is it sounds like he didn't think it was urgent so wasn't rushing.

Soon2bemum2017 · 04/01/2020 16:19

I feel like there is more to this... like why would that stop him picking them up?

Is it that he doesn't drive? Or was he alone with the other child? Either way he should have told you so you could have arranged to either take the children there on that occasion or set a new expected time for pick up.

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/01/2020 16:20

Even if you had to pick up you're other children?

Yes. The other person can drop my other children off at home. Or they can wait. I guess myself and my friends are just more relaxed. Not so hurry hurry.

I don’t see what the issue is. I understand many of you do this to your sleeping children, but can you not even imagine that this is not something everyone does?

AlternativePerspective · 04/01/2020 16:27

IMO this is being blown way out of proportion.

He’s usually very good you say. Plus you spoke to the two YO so clearly you all have a fairly amicable relationship.

So as a one off no way would I be calling him some of the names on here. I might be mildly annoyed but then you didn’t set a time, so there’s a lesson in that.

Poppyfields21 · 04/01/2020 16:29

@PlanDeRaccordement there’s ‘hurry hurry’ and there’s politeness and not expecting other people to go out of their way to accommodate you...

steff13 · 04/01/2020 16:31

Why couldn't the child's mother stay home with her? Do they all have to come?

lilmishap · 04/01/2020 16:32

Was she sleeping on top of his phone?

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