So frustrated of conversations with DC like this. AIBU or is DC.

[Garbosdinner]

I keep getting in to little squabbles with DC because I think we are both not explaining ourselves correctly. I'm not sure who is at fault, if anyone. It happens a lot.

For context they went out this morning shopping with a friend (in London). I've spoken to them once and stayed in what's app contact for the rest of the day. Here is tonight's exchange over what's app.

[03/01, 19:29] 🙄: Where are you

[03/01, 19:58] ××× ❤: We went to the other Westfield’s

[03/01, 19:58] 🙄: The question was ... where are you now

[03/01, 19:58] ××××❤: We went to the other Westfield’s

[03/01, 20:00] 🙄: The question was... where are you now.
How can you not see that your previous answer could mean that you was at the other Westfields but you are now at kings cross.
I ask again.. where are you now.

[03/01, 20:00] xxxx ❤: Then I would have said that I went to the other Westfield’s and now we’re at kings cross

[03/01, 20:03] 🙄: Why on earth would you have said that? I asked where you are now.

[03/01, 20:04] xxxx ❤: And I said we might go the other Westfield’s so I said we went to the other Westfield’s

[03/01, 20:05] 🙄: Yes you did indeed. But then I asked you where you are NOW.... 'we went to Westfields' implies you was at Westfields but that you are no longer there!

I get this. It sounds like DS has his head still in his day ie what he said that he might do, what he did, where he might go now and it's all a bit mixed up (possibly because he's had multiple discussions about Westfields and god knows what else with multiple people) and can't focus on what piece of information you're requiring of him.

In his head, he doesn't need to tell you where he is now as he knows he's somewhere, as do you as he's messaging you. What you didn't know is whether he did indeed to go the other Westfields, and he thinks that information is either interesting or relevant to you.

My dd phoned me the other day to let me know that she'd phone me on a couple of minutes to 'update' me about her plans .

My 14yo would answer like that to be funny. And I might well answer back in a similarly pedantic manner.

DH is more likely to go off on a complete tangent to be funny, which is great, except when I actually need the answer to the question. Then I get stabby.

Not the same but my sibling (15) is the same.

"Im here, Where are you" = "Walking down the road"

"How long will you be" = "weve just left now"

Teenagers cant answer a simple question sometimes.

@PaperbackBlighter exactly. There was no fiasco.

He is 17. He tells me where he is occasionally throughout the day. Its polite. I tell him my plans etc when I am out to.

We spoke once. I messaged him twice (in 9 hours) and he sent 3 voice messages telling me what he had been buying.

@InsertFunnyUsername haha yes !!

I think you come across as really pedantic and condescending in that conversation. He thought he’d answered the question, there was no need to get so snippy just because you found his grammar imprecise. Surely the fact that he answered the question “where are you?” with “we went to the other westfields” TWICE means you could logically deduce “...and we are still there”?

@cornflakegirl @thehorseandhisboy thanks! Nice to know I'm not alone.

@riotlady

That's the problem. No it didn't mean that to me at all. I mean, now looking back on it, I suppose it could (did) but it isn't logical.

Why can't you get rid of your TV?

One of my teens is dyslexic (diagnosed) and gets his tenses muddled all the time. I think he’d be quite upset if I replied like you did.

You were very rude to him. His response made sense. And picking on his tenses when you continuously wrote "you was" is a little rich. If you didn't understand his answer, ask the question in a different way.

@Biancadelrioisback eh ?

@cold.. we are both dyslexic. Don't worry he isn't upset.

ITA with you, OP. I often doubt my brain, too - migraines & cardiac meds fog. Sounds like he was purposely being obtuse. Similar to my DH at times.

And what is with having phones on silent all the time?! Mine do this - I can't reach them when I need to - one took off with our car keys from the park (we'd taken 2 cars) and couldn't be reached, so we had to take a cab. They noticed the missed calls half an hour later when we were almost home. Also "I've lost my phone somewhere"..."have you tried calling it?" ..."can't, it's on silent".

Something that is very important to teenagers of saving face. It gets less important as we get older but the way their brains work means it is often very hard for teenagers to admit to something where they might be perceived as having done something wrong or to be criticised for. However they often also do not want to lie! Hence the roundabout, evasive answers. It’s a way of being overly cautious and avoiding a potentially stressful (to them) situation. They nearly all do it (talking as a teacher of teenagers). It’s normal and you have to find ways to ask where they don’t feel interrogated or on the spot. Yes maybe they should give straight answers but they don’t so why wind yourself up about it?

Maybe he just wants a day out without having to tell his mum where he is all the time. At 17!!

As the adult, you were in the wrong. It was obvious what he meant and if it wasn't obvious to you then a direct question of 'are you still there?' would have resolved the confusion.
Repeating the same comments/questions just means you get the same response and you're no further forward. My DP is dyslexic. It might be worth learning the difference between open and closed questions if you spend a lot of time communicating by text.

Was he at the other Westfields?

I think the poor grammar and incorrect use of past and present tense (on both sides) doesn't help things.

Anyway maybe better to call in future if this is how your text exchanges usually pan out.

Reads to me as though they were still there. If you wanted to double check, just ask ‘are you still there?’. You are being pedantic.

His response was clear, and if you weren’t sure, easily resolved without all the palaver. If this is truly a major irritant, you’re doing pretty well otherwise!

You asked and his answer was perfectly clear.

You really didn't need to go on like you did and tbh your last message actually comes across as being pretty rude.

There was no fiasco

You’re the one who described it as a fiasco-

I think he could have just answered the very simple question, to avoid this fiasco

Are you generally a poor communicator?

If it’s on WhatsApp just ask them to ‘send location’ it’s on the + button just press it and a map comes up

He answered a question you had been talking about earlier that day its really irritating my daughter does this my son tells me what he did last week my youngest has special needs and frequently tells me all about his day 12 months ago 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️