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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So frustrated of conversations with DC like this. AIBU or is DC.

120 replies

Garbosdinner · 03/01/2020 20:21

I keep getting in to little squabbles with DC because I think we are both not explaining ourselves correctly. I'm not sure who is at fault, if anyone. It happens a lot.

For context they went out this morning shopping with a friend (in London). I've spoken to them once and stayed in what's app contact for the rest of the day. Here is tonight's exchange over what's app.

[03/01, 19:29] 🙄: Where are you

[03/01, 19:58] ××× ❤: We went to the other Westfield’s

[03/01, 19:58] 🙄: The question was ... where are you now

[03/01, 19:58] ××××❤: We went to the other Westfield’s

[03/01, 20:00] 🙄: The question was... where are you now.
How can you not see that your previous answer could mean that you was at the other Westfields but you are now at kings cross.
I ask again.. where are you now.

[03/01, 20:00] xxxx ❤: Then I would have said that I went to the other Westfield’s and now we’re at kings cross

[03/01, 20:03] 🙄: Why on earth would you have said that? I asked where you are now.

[03/01, 20:04] xxxx ❤: And I said we might go the other Westfield’s so I said we went to the other Westfield’s

[03/01, 20:05] 🙄: Yes you did indeed. But then I asked you where you are NOW.... 'we went to Westfields' implies you was at Westfields but that you are no longer there!

OP posts:
Original poster
Garbosdinner · 03/01/2020 20:45
OP posts:
ActualHornist · 03/01/2020 20:49

I’m with you on this OP, 100%. Except it’s my husband I have these conversations with, as he’ll send me a text and then apparently IMMEDIATELY forget what he’s sent and can’t scroll up to read it so has no idea whatsoever what I’m talking about when I reply...

FizzyIce · 03/01/2020 20:49

Yep, although my ds tends to avoid the question entirely and take about something completely unrelated

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 03/01/2020 20:50

If you don't back off, you are going to have a very strained relationship with your adult child in a year or so.

Why the need to be so pedantic? You went on the offensive really early on for no reason. They are pretty much an adult, very soon they won't need to tell you where they are at all. So their message was imprecise..... and?

LimitIsUp · 03/01/2020 20:52

You made a bit of a meal of that one. As other posters had said, clarity could have been achieved with a follow up question of "are you still there?"

VenusTiger · 03/01/2020 20:53

It's you were not you was. Kids push buttons. Don't bite back.

Original poster
Garbosdinner · 03/01/2020 20:58

Ah please don't try to analyse my relationship with my DS. We have an excellent relationship.

Thank you for the grammar lesson.

OP posts:
Concestor · 03/01/2020 20:58

I'd have answered similarly OP. He didn't answer your question at all initially. Answering in the past tense is no help if referring to where they are in the present tense.

Grammar is important and this demonstrates why.

Torchlightt · 03/01/2020 21:05

You both have a problem with English grammar. Your DS is using American English.

Twillow · 03/01/2020 21:07

*For the love of god OP, choose your battles.

You could have just asked 'Are you still there now?' and stopped this fiasco in it's tracks.*

This.

Brefugee · 03/01/2020 21:07

mine do this (they're early 20s) and it drives me mad.
The answer to the question "where are you" is nothing other than the location of where you currently are.

And if the conversation is leading to something that requires me to pick them up from somewhere, they know (from bitter experience) that I don't even get my shoes on until I know where I'm going.

Original poster
Garbosdinner · 03/01/2020 21:11

At 17 years old I think he could have just answered the very simple question, to avoid this fiasco.

To be fair we both are dyslexic, although he is untested.

OP posts:
Original poster
Garbosdinner · 03/01/2020 21:12

@Brefugee glad it's not just mine!

OP posts:
PaperbackBlighter · 03/01/2020 21:12

Is it a fiasco, though? Like, what was the impact of this?

mersweeper · 03/01/2020 21:13

You both have a problem with English grammar. Your DS is using American English.

Are you insinuating that American English is grammatically wrong?

Brefugee · 03/01/2020 21:15

tbh @Garbosdinner I wouldn't sweat it unless you desperately need to know where they are.

And have a discussion at another time about how to answer questions like this.

MrsFezziwig · 03/01/2020 21:16

Why did you want to know where he was? Are you picking him up?

Torchlightt · 03/01/2020 21:16

The boy is using American English. The mum is reading it as UK English Hence the miscommunication.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 03/01/2020 21:16

I work with well educated professionals who insist on answering emails with such ridiculous imprecision. I feel your pain, but I think you are being a bit pedantic with your child here.

MamaGee09 · 03/01/2020 21:17

His answer was fine and he did answer your question, no his grammar wasn’t correct but it’s a text not an English dissertation! You are being pedantic!

MinTheMinx · 03/01/2020 21:17

How can you not see that your previous answer could mean that you was were at the other Westfields

This is where you went wrong OP. You might not call this an argument but it is, and it sounds like you're trying to wind him up. How old is he? His phone is probably on silent so you don't embarrass him in front of his friends.

AriadnesFilament · 03/01/2020 21:17

That would drive me absolutely batty!
But I have verbal and text ‘conversations’ with my eldest like this all the damned time and it is absolutely infuriating.

MinTheMinx · 03/01/2020 21:19

Ah just seen he's 17, sorry. He's probably just fed up with you asking where he is.

TenThousandSpoons · 03/01/2020 21:20

YABU. His first answer is the answer to where he was (is, at the time). If he went to the other Westfield but was then somewhere else his first answer would have been annoying but surely it’s where he was at that point. Just read it as “at the other Westfield”.

Cherrysoup · 03/01/2020 21:24

[03/01, 20:05] 🙄: Yes you did indeed. But then I asked you where you are NOW.... 'we went to Westfields' implies you was at Westfields but that you are no longer there!

You sound very hard work, I’d be pretty pissed off to get the above message. You’re extremely unclear. Messages should be short and simple. Can’t you speak to your ds and ask him to be clearer too? There’s a mishmash of miscommunication there!