Most annoying Facebook posts to me are:-

[glitterytrainers]

So blessed, date night, Love my man so much (no one belongs to anyone else unless you gave birth to them and even then they could fuck off and ditch you), feeling joyful, feeling thankful - the list goes on - what are yours?

The I’m sick selfies or I have a cold

Big deal!!

Political memes - not always; some are poignant or funny, but it irritates me when people constantly post them with 'Share if you agree' - if they feel that strongly about something they could take 5 minutes to express the view in their own words.

In particular, any meme that uses World War 2 to justify Brexit, unless the poster actually fought in that war, which is virtually never the case!

Any post that includes the lines 'I think only 5 (or however many) of my friends will care enough to copy this post; I think I know who they are'. Can't stand this sort of emotional blackmail, and it often spoils posts about genuinely important health issues, etc. Occasionally, I have indeed copied the post, but always with that bit taken out, and replaced by links to charities and organizations that deal with that health issue.

Coy posts and messages about breast cancer, which ask recipients to post something feminine, e.g. colour of your knickers!, and to keep secret why, and post only to female friends, etc. It's supposed to spread awareness, but if you're secretive about it, how does it spread awareness?! Also, I hate the implication that it's a purely female problem, as I've sadly known a man who died of it.

my dad is on fb and he constantly shares every single one of those share type posts. Even more annoying is that he tags me and forwards everything to me including all the scam ones. He's had his account hacked more than once and then I get lumbered sorting it out. No matter how many times I tell him not to click he still does it. All the sob story drivel and then he also phones me to tell me to check the post he's just tagged me in . I remember a few years back he sent the one with a dog with a scarred and burnt face saying 1like = 1 prayer 1 share = 10 prayers. ffs the photo was a dog with a slice of ham on his face.

There was a post doing the rounds a few months back with an old woman in bed and a cat very badly Photoshopped onto the duvet. ‘She got to share her last days wit her beloved cat! Share if you think the hospital is amazing for allowing this!’ screamed the headline. I commented pointing out that a) the cat wasn’t really there, b) the room was clearly in a house and not a hospital and c) that if it was a true story, the hospital would be named rather than just being ‘the hospital’. I got called every name under the sun, told I was a terrible person with no compassion, that it didn’t matter if the picture was Photoshopped because it was still a lovely story... it was practically the case for compulsory IQ tests before being given internet access.

Humblebrags

• Virtue signallers of all types esp when I know the person does not live by the wholesome values they're preaching
• Anyone who regularly 'FB Checks' into hospital/restaurants/hotels, etc, etc. Why do they think we need to know?
• Bragging about kids' accomplishments inappropriately (one FB friend posted a close up pic of her son's first successful potty deposit )
• Braggy posts about how wealthy they are - so, posting about having the best seats at Wimbledon, car shopping at Jaguar, VERY expensive holidays (incl constant updates of expensive excursions, expensive meals out, how deluxe their apartment is, etc, etc)
• Preachy posts by MLM health product peddlers, about how much more fulfilled/healthier/happier they are now they are working for themselves. Why do we need too know several times a day? You're happy - WE GET IT
• Posts marking the birthdays/anniversaries of dead relatives MANY, MANY YEARS/DECADES after they died - why not just go and lay some flowers at their grave?
• Bragging about how wonderful their child is when said child is a disrespectful, bullying little plop of a human in real life (admitted by the parent IRL too)

To be honest, anything on FB which screams of the poster being disingenuous or hypocritical, or of ridiculously glossing up reality. I'd LOVE to be able to call them out publicly EVERY time and wish propriety didn't stop me...

Posts from cats/dogs that their hooman had to type for them ?????

People thanking people for doing something, when they live in the same house. Thanks babe for my breakfast in bed this morning.... I guess telling him directly means you can’t tell everyone else.

My NDN used to gush about how happy she was with her man, he was amazing and the kids were a dream etc etc. Reality was very different with almost daily rows and her shouting at the kids.

Check ins..... I’m on holiday now...so my house is empty

The countdown to Christmas throughout the year.

Forgot one, the parents who post their child’s school report for everyone to see.

"Missing child takes 2 seconds to share"

Fuck off with your fake phishing emotional blackmail crap.

Oh yes and the "only 3% of people will have the guts to share this racist shite from neo nazis I think I know who will" bleeurgh instant CULL

What is this rash?

Plus picture of gruesome skin infection (and random side boob)

FFS! Go to a doctor!