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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite AIBU?

83 replies

sunshine11 · 02/01/2020 21:59

Invited to a wedding at the other end of the country. It’s on a school day and hubby has something else on so won’t go. Whilst I’d love to see friend get married (and we go way back) it’s a lot of money and travel for a wedding where I’ll know hardly anyone.

Have RSVPd no and am now being given the cold shoulder. I thought a wedding was an invite not a summons - AIBU or is the bride?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 02/01/2020 22:00

Are you sure she’s giving you the cold shoulder and isn’t just busy organising the wedding?

misspiggy19 · 02/01/2020 22:02

Whilst I’d love to see friend get married (and we go way back) it’s a lot of money and travel for a wedding where I’ll know hardly anyone.

^Surely you would be going to see your friend get married not socialise?

daffodilbrain · 02/01/2020 22:04

I think you have to be practical too it'll cost you a few hundred to go with travel, outfit gifts and it's a big thing to go by yourself especially if you don't know anyone. Is there no way DH can go?

SandAndSea · 02/01/2020 22:19

Could it be the way you declined? Did you explain or just decline?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/01/2020 22:23

If you’re going to get married mid-week and are expecting people to travel a long way, you need to be prepared for declines.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2020 22:25

The bride is being ridiculous. Perhaps she's not such a good friend after all.

FrancisCrawford · 02/01/2020 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muddyfieldsandprimroses · 02/01/2020 22:28

I expect the bride is taken up with life, work and all the arrangements.
She could all be finding that lots of people can’t attend.
But if nothing else, she will be contemplating spending a ridiculous amount of money on the day, and thats enough to make anyone quiet

reallyrandomwords · 02/01/2020 22:30

I think it's hard to tell without knowing what's been said.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/01/2020 22:33

Not an excuse but brides can get extremely caught up in themselves mid-planning. Touch base with her every now and then and hopefully she will resurface soon

LL83 · 02/01/2020 22:39

Bride sounds hurt. Sounds like if husband was available you would go so cost isnt the main issue. Reassure bride you do care, just nervous going alone perhaps an alternative plus 1 would be an option?

TigerOnATrain · 02/01/2020 22:42

@sunshine11 YANBU obviously.

Your 'friend' sounds like an entitled bridezilla.

I'd be giving HER the cold shoulder from now on actually.

Knittedfairies · 02/01/2020 22:50

It's possible you're not the only one to decline the invitation, given the wedding is taking place on a weekday.

june2007 · 02/01/2020 22:50

I would say your notbeing unreasonable if a lot of travelling during the wk. But does depend how close you are. If your family or a bestie then I think they would be offended but as you say it,s not a summons.

Original poster
sunshine11 · 02/01/2020 22:52

Lol trying to be vague so as not to out myself in case bride is on here although suspect she isn’t.

Yes if hubby could go I would (he’s not available for personal reasons and definitely can’t be shifted).

Bride is undoubtedly hurt. But I did explain my reasoning fully and as kindly as possible. I do want to see her get married but 7 hours drive each way to spend 24 hours with strangers is not my idea of fun! If wedding were nearer I would have gone but she decided to get married where she grew up.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 02/01/2020 22:59

How close are you? Was she at your wedding? For a close friend I would go. It's about her, not socializing.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/01/2020 23:02

What’s she said or done that suggests she’s hurt and excluding you? How did you tell her you weren’t going, over the phone or a note on the invitation?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/01/2020 23:02

If you would have gone with DH then I really think you could go alone. If you go back a long way surely there must be someone else going you know.

phoenixrosehere · 02/01/2020 23:03

I do want to see her get married but 7 hours drive each way to spend 24 hours with strangers is not my idea of fun!

So you aren’t really close then? If that is the case, yanbu, however, if you are then yabu.

Chickychoccyegg · 02/01/2020 23:07

surely you could take another +1 if the invite was for you and dh she obviously doesn't mind you bringing someone?

JosefKeller · 02/01/2020 23:15

But I did explain my reasoning fully and as kindly as possible. I do want to see her get married but 7 hours drive each way to spend 24 hours with strangers is not my idea of fun!

so you told her you could go but just don't want to?
bit harsh...

AutumnRose1 · 02/01/2020 23:17

YANBU

BloggersBlog · 02/01/2020 23:20

I would be very surprised if she actually said that @josefKeller! I think she was explaining that to us

HouseworkAvoider10 · 02/01/2020 23:23

A midweek wedding is never the best idea.....

JosefKeller · 02/01/2020 23:24

well if she explained her reasoning, how do you think the bride understood it?

A white lie about being so sorry to be unable to go would be better than being unwilling to attend.

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