Wedding invite AIBU?

[sunshine11]

Invited to a wedding at the other end of the country. It’s on a school day and hubby has something else on so won’t go. Whilst I’d love to see friend get married (and we go way back) it’s a lot of money and travel for a wedding where I’ll know hardly anyone.

Have RSVPd no and am now being given the cold shoulder. I thought a wedding was an invite not a summons - AIBU or is the bride?

A very close friend I'd definitely go if I possibly could (although would kind of dread going and hanging out awkwardly) otherwise I probably wouldn't.

I wouldn't take time off work and drive for 7 hours to attend an event where I didn't know anyone and consequently would probably feel awkward and uncomfortable. Lots of people wouldn't but they would make up some other excuse as to why they couldn't go. At least OP is being honest.
All those saying you don't go to a wedding to "socialise", you go to "watch your friend get married", yes of course that's true but the ceremony is only a very small portion of the day isn't it? Once she'd watched her friend get married OP would still have many hours of standing around awkwardly with no one to chat to, followed by another 7 hour drive home. It sounds miserable.

You never answered if you are close friends? Was she at your wedding? My close friend got married on Halloween out of town. I had to go on my own as DH and Ds were trick or treating and it was a weekday. I took the train there and only knew the mother of the bride and the bride. I left early and caught the train home. I was fine. I had more fun than I thought I would have!

Could you leave after the ceremony?

If she IS giving you the cold shoulder then YANBU. However, you haven't explained exactly what she's done to give you that impression, and she could very well be busy or ill or fielding many phone calls/emails/WhatsApp messages in relation to the wedding planning and your message has to take lower priority until the wedding is done.

Or perhaps she is hurt but will get back in touch when she's feeling happier. It's ok to allow people time to process their feelings, even if those feelings are a bit unreasonable.

You cant say you dont have that kind of money sitting around, its a long way to go and so on if you are quite happy to do it if DH was going. You could obviously find the money ok then.
Yes midweek weddings are a pain but you initially said the only reason you are not going is because you wont know anybody at all yet you claim you go back a very long way so surely you must know someone else going Friends of mine from way back in the day would usually have one or two others there that I knew even if not very well. I would be upset if the only reason you were not going was because your DH had a previous engagement . Other reasons fine.

@BoomZahramay one thing I've learned is when you have too many excuses the reality is you usually don't want to do it. You could go with DH and spend the money then? That means money isn't a factor. If you are not wanting to go on your own, then it's more important to you not to go on your own than not to let your friends down.

You could send a nice gift and a lovely card and tell her you look forward to seeing the pictures. That may go some way to help your friend not feeling like you can't be bothered.

I'm not big into weddings myself, and didn't go to my close friend's wedding b/c of the distance (international flight) and the fact I didn't have anyone to take care of my dc. But I still found ways to show I cared and was excited. Maybe focus on that now?

OP was @sunshine11 , not me @poppycity