To have a strict “no snacks” rule this young?

[SailorBee]

Hello all, looking for some preschooler food advice please.

First of all, I totally understand that it’s a developmental phase but my elder two DC (4 and 2.5) are driving me to distraction with their eating!

Every mealtime, whatever I make, they either “don’t like it”, they’re “full”, they want to bring toys or activities to the table and ignore their food, or they bang on about “pudding” all through the meal and hardly touch their food. And if one does it, it sets the other off too. They then spend the rest of the day between mealtimes whinging that they’re hungry.

We don’t do puddings after every meal, I don’t give snacks to graze on all day, I don’t let them get down and play as soon as they say they’re “full”, nor do I shout at them or force them to eat. Where am I going wrong?

When they say they’re hungry and they haven’t eaten their meal, but there is still a long time to go before the next meal, I usually reheat their uneaten breakfast/lunch, or occasionally give them toast and fruit if it’s something that doesn’t reheat, but WIBU to start a strict “no snacks between meals” (usually 5-6 hours) rule with children this young?

I just feel they really need to understand that not eating enough at mealtimes = feeling hungry. It’s also doing my head in faffing about with cooking and reheating food all day, and dealing with the “I’m hungry/I’m full/I want pudding” complaints constantly.

I also have a 10mo DD and I REALLY want to crack this before she starts joining in too 😫

TLDR: AIBU to say no food whatsoever between meals for a 4yo and 2yo?

I would do a fixed snack time instead with something simple they will eat but not exciting. Then just make meals slightly smaller. Then you can just say they need to wait until snacktime/ next meal as smaller gap

Do you think they’ll settle down a bit after Christmas once their routine is back to normal? I’ve been having this over the past few weeks and it’s driving me mad but I’m hoping it’ll sort itself out once we’re back to normal routines and there aren’t as many Christmas chocolate and snacks around but I have threatened banning all snacks if she doesn’t stop messing around at dinner.

I'd always let mine snack on fruit and veg between meals, and both are pretty good eaters. The main thing we did was all sit down together when we ate, so they got used to that sense of spending time focussing on just that - no toys at the table, no tv, just the family but also no stress or cajoling - just eat til you feel full. Little stomachs need more frequent fuel, though, so nothing between mealtimes might see a little dip in behaviours - mine are devils when they're hungry. Healthy stuff like carrot and cucumber sticks with dip, cheery tomatoes or grapes were always on offer, though.

DH had an epiphany when they were very young that we could play audiobooks while we ate meals to get them sat at the table so every now and then they'd listen to a Harry Potter or David Walliams one, and it seemed to never distract them and really encouraged us all to sit down together and look forward to mealtimes. One is a teen now and still asks every now and then if we can put a story on. It might not be everyone's cup tea, and we didn't do it every day, but fractious days it took the focus off them not wanting to sit at the table.

Children so young have very little tummies . In my experience they prefer little and often . Bit like grazers . I’d offer healthy snacks and let them help themselves . So fruit , cheese etc

I would stop pudding altogether. I never did it with mine, if they eat enough at meal times then they don't need it. Offer only fruit as snacks I think they are a bit young to say no snacks. And don't give them any at lest 2 hours before a meal time.

Your not really going wrong but just be a bit more consitant. They will get it also do read my child won't eat, it's a very good book to help with fussy children.

My youngest would rather play then eat at that age, so try giving them a bit more warning about tea time. Try to end an activity then eat ASAP before they get into something else. They are often to distracted by other things to eat unless really hungry at this age. So making it into a good routine will help.

I agree with the "not hungry for lunch" means "not hungry for snacks 10 minutes later*.

My kids always had pudding though, even if it's just fruits or yogurt. Little ones tend to eat 5 times a day in my house: breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, diner.
Afternoon snacks can be carrot sticks or a yogurt, and there's allegedly no "treat" in the cupboard so they can't ask for what we don't have.

Just relax, they are only kids. It's natural to be less excited by boring food than you would by "treats", they'll get used to it. It's healthier not to make a big deal of food.

I agree with Caspianberg, a fixed small snack time would be better. I think it's too long for little ones to go without especially the 2.5 yr old as they don't have the forethought to connect not eating breakfast with feeling hungry a few hours later.

Weve never done snacks (children are fed far too often these days usually as a pacifier rather than hunger).
No toys, no messing. If they don’t eat, they get down and eat next meal. I might give an Apple or satsuma between if they ate nothing. No anger or shouting, calm but clear words: we expect good table behaviour, if you mess around you get down type thing. You’ll have it cracked within a week if you are clear. They are simply playing you now and probably not very hungry.

At less than a year my youngest started dropping food from her high chair. I said no and if she did it again she’d get down. She oooked me in the eye and did it. I calmly got her down. Ignored her cries and anger. This happened once or twice more before she learned that I meant business.

Children are clever. We pander these days. People wonder why their kids misbehave or won’t stay in bed or get up too early or dick aboit with food. Having a clear set of rules and following them consistently in genuinely all it takes. No rocket science. Start it now as your 10 month old is taking all this in and will think this is the behaviour to model.

I think recent NHS advice is for children to have 2 snacks a day of 100 calories? I'm sure I've read that somewhere!

If my DD doesn't finish her lunch and later asks for a snack, I give her lunch back.

5-6 hours is too long for small kids to go without eating.

I would stop pudding altogether.
what do you call pudding though?

Fruits, yogurt, even some home-made cakes are just part of a normal diet. Is it just the idea of sugar that you are against? It's not unhealthy in moderation.

Wheredidigowrongggggg

even my grand-parents had "snacks" when they were little, it's not pandering to feed your children in a healthy manner. Just a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack though.

They need something in between at this age.

What would happen if you allowed them to bring toys to the table on the condition that they ate?

This is common at this age and it's part of them learning control. It isn't their fault you've had a short age gap. They should still be allowed to push boundaries etc.

Are you expecting them to eat too much in one go?

5/6 hours between meals is too much. Their tummies are so small at this age and better to eat little and often

YABU, they have small stomachs and it’s a long time, most nurseries and schools do snacks as it’s too long. Have a fixed snack time if you want, and of course if you only want to give fruit or veg that’s great. But yeah I think it’s pretty unreasonable

I have a "you don't have to eat it" policy and I've found it really helpful with all of my kids, especially my son with ASD.
My job is to serve a nutritious meal. I don't serve up anything obscure or ultra exotic, just a decent meal. They can choose to put it in their body or not.
For snacks the fruit bowl is always open game. We don't have crisps or chocolate type stuff in the house generally so they can't snack on that.
9 times out of 10 they will eat some or most of what's on their plate. My little girls naturally has a very small appetite whereas my son will pretty much always clear his plate. They don't get any reaction for eating or not eating. "Pudding" also isn't a reward for eating.
Food is much less stressful for all of us and the sense of control they have seems to encourage them to crack on and eat.

If they eat enough at mealtimes they don’t need snacks. It’s the snacks which mean they are never hungry enough for a decent meal. It wasn’t a parenting choice for me, they eat like I do, we don’t snack Either. So many patents’ cupboards are full of packets of ‘stuff’ they throw at kids between meals to stop them whinging and then wonder why they don’t eat their broccoli. And I never wanted to use food to pacify - I saw so many parents use a snack every time a child niggled. They need to learn to manage their emotions properly rather than always being distracted by food.

Parenting is never one size fits all but wd are in a bit of a kiddy snack food era (look at supermarket shelves) and grazing culture (cheese/toast/fruit/stuff between meals twice a day). We don’t need it. It’s is totally cyclical that we live in a snacking culture and wonder why we can’t get our kids to sit down and eat a decent meal.

I would give them the plate back that they didn't finish at lunch when they ask for a snack. Unless they had actually made a serious effort to try it, in which case it is acceptable to not like a thing.

Sorry OP this stage is so frustrating! My 3 year old is on her way out of it now (thankfully) but my older child sat in it until well past four.. He eats like a champion now at six so it does get better!

Children that age are not suited to 3 square meals a day. My child can't eat big meals, never has been able to, and I used to get annoyed by waste when I served him what I thought was a suitable meal, he'd eat half and be hungry an hour later.
You need to accept that they won't eat on your schedule just because you think they should. 4-5 smaller meals a day is better than 3 big ones that they don't finish.

Snacking is pretty normal - just make them healthy snacks like fruit and veg. Going completely without between meals isn't a good idea when they're so young. Apart from that, calmly putting the meal away is fine. They'll soon learn that they aren't getting anything 'better'.

If they eat enough at mealtimes they don’t need snacks.

I don't want my kids to get used to stuff themselves and feel ridiculously full because the next meal is 6 or 7 hours later frankly. It's a horribly unhealthy attitude.

Portions control is very important, it's one of the most important things nowadays.

Thank you all, my gut says 5-6 hours is too long at this age too, which is why I generally give them uneaten lunch or toast mid-afternoon.

I just hate the waste and faff! A fixed mid-afternoon snack is a good idea but I’ll have to think of stuff I can have ready to go or I’ll be chained to the kitchen!

We already do all eat together, and unfortunately this isn’t just a Christmas thing but I don’t think the extra sweets/choc in the cupboards is helping.

Really appreciate your comments, thank you.

I’ve always done fixed snack times with my dc. On a school day that means breakfast at 7:30, dc5(2) then gets a small yoghurt when we get home from dropping them off at 9ish, as he doesn’t eat a lot of breakfast so early in the morning, then a piece of fruit at 10ish. Lunch at 12:30 then they all have a snack when we get home from school at 3:45 (otherwise they’re foul & homework is a battle) dinner at 5ish then a plain biscuit or crackers & cheese at 6:30 before bed by 7:30 (they don’t all always have that but dc1(9) finds it helps her leg pain in the night).

At the weekend it’s breakfast at 8:30, snack around 10:30, lunch at 1, dinner at 5 then something around 6:30 if they’d like it (again it’s usually just the eldest for that one).

Keeping portions small can help too, dc4(4) & 3(7) can get very overwhelmed by a ‘large’ plate of food & claim to be full or not hungry within 3 bites. I’ve found that by putting less on their plates (just keeping it in the pan etc) & then letting them have more has helped.

We don’t have exciting snacks very often, it’s usually bread sticks & dips, crackers, yoghurt, a crumpet with butter or fruit/veg.

When my Dd was under eating at 2.5 years old we accessed a food/eating course through the health visitor.

We were advised to give a morning and afternoon health ish snack, not too carb heavy (so fruit/breadsticks and dip/veg/yoghurt/cheese/digestive biscuit etc.) Because they have small tummies so little and often is best.

We were also told to wait 30 mins after a meal to offer pudding or supper so they don't associate it with whether or not they've eaten their dinner, and for us not to comment on it.

We were told not to enforce good table manners and eating behaviour, sitting at the table when told. Also for us not to comment on whether or not they eat/like/don't like/give praise if they eat/no yummy noises, mummy loves carrots etc.. nothing at all, which is really hard! Just say that's your dinner. And to set a time limit per meal of 20-30mins and take away any food not eaten in that time "dinners finished now".

Took several months but worked for us