To have a strict “no snacks” rule this young?

[SailorBee]

Hello all, looking for some preschooler food advice please.

First of all, I totally understand that it’s a developmental phase but my elder two DC (4 and 2.5) are driving me to distraction with their eating!

Every mealtime, whatever I make, they either “don’t like it”, they’re “full”, they want to bring toys or activities to the table and ignore their food, or they bang on about “pudding” all through the meal and hardly touch their food. And if one does it, it sets the other off too. They then spend the rest of the day between mealtimes whinging that they’re hungry.

We don’t do puddings after every meal, I don’t give snacks to graze on all day, I don’t let them get down and play as soon as they say they’re “full”, nor do I shout at them or force them to eat. Where am I going wrong?

When they say they’re hungry and they haven’t eaten their meal, but there is still a long time to go before the next meal, I usually reheat their uneaten breakfast/lunch, or occasionally give them toast and fruit if it’s something that doesn’t reheat, but WIBU to start a strict “no snacks between meals” (usually 5-6 hours) rule with children this young?

I just feel they really need to understand that not eating enough at mealtimes = feeling hungry. It’s also doing my head in faffing about with cooking and reheating food all day, and dealing with the “I’m hungry/I’m full/I want pudding” complaints constantly.

I also have a 10mo DD and I REALLY want to crack this before she starts joining in too 😫

TLDR: AIBU to say no food whatsoever between meals for a 4yo and 2yo?

They simply don’t snack like the brits do.

There’s an interesting documentary made some years ago, called “The Men Who Made Us Fat“ looking at the behavioural changes in the US and the UK which led to the obesity crisis in these countries. In the UK the main tactic of the (junk) food marketers was to convince Brits that snacking was good - to break the old habit of three meals a day and nothing in between. They introduced lots of new, sugary sweets specifically for the purpose and came up with all kinds of marketing ideas / remember the Milky bar kid? Finger of fudge? All aimed at children and convincing parents that not only would these new snacks not “ruin your appetite” but were “ just enough until it’s time to eat”. We fell for it, big time. And so the idea that eating between meals was firmly lodged in the UK mindset.

and I don't think meeting your child from school with sweets or crisps does them any favours

no, because that's junk food and should be limited to exactly that, parties, but an apple or a banana is fine.

Some days you are more hungry than others, same for kids, you can't be too strict about food

I think at that age, particularly for the 2.5, to, refusing food is about trying to feel they're in control. There's not a lot they have agency over and they all have massive egos. This is normal.

Your ego will never match theirs - hopefully, because you're at a different life stage - so both sets of people digging their heels in resolves nothing and can end up with the child associating food with feelings of anger and frustration.

With that in mind, I'd be inclined to go with the flow more. If they're hungry, give them food, if they're not, take it away. It just diffuses the situation. You can gradually build in more expectations as they get older. But really, doesn't everyone want to eat what they want, when they want? This isn't such an unreasonable stance on their part.

Btw I would totally reuse food when you can, maybe with a bit of variation eg serving something with toast when it's reheated. And I'd also make sure that all the snacks were healthy. I'd also do the old trick of making them think they're making their own decisions about what they eat eg when you're doing something with toast, give them two choices about how they want it cut, stuff like that. Just diffuses the situation again.

It does pass, honestly, and the less of a deal you make of it the less likely they are to continue being awkward as they get older.

banning snacks wont help.they will only want it more.but you need to make the healthy snacks not as a 'healthy' and 'treat/junk' thing.they shouldnt start knowing these labels we adults put on normal food! it should be in the balance of more good nutritional stuff but with the added 'junk' just intrsperced in as if its part of every day life.not something they can or cant have depending on beahviour or never and are then yearning for it.
so a small treat sized bar with a handful of fruit.
try getting them to choose the salad and fruit and help lay it out.so tonight tea "what colour shall we have." "you choose the veg you think will go with tonights tea."
if they have a scoop of ice cream put some fruit on it.
have the healthy stuff always avaialble to hand.fruit bowl,veg batton in the fridge.

great one in the shop too is to stand at the veg isle and say right youve got 10 seconds to choose our five veggies.off they run or they can pick two veg and two fruits each for the basket.
a tupperware of melon in the fridge.
start getting them to stir or add things to dishes.start asking for 'advice' on what the dishes taste like.

without the judging or labels.or body image and food shit i think people just snacked.and either quickly grew out of it or just found what worked for them in their own bodies therefore it quickly changed.
snacking on crisps on the way home from school and spending ur legt over lunch money on a mars was a thing.but becasue there wasnt a big horrible thing made of it back then people quickly monitored their own diets.
i dont think the problem with obesity is ALL to do with how much shit we offer our kids.but actually more to do with mental health,being with the kids,pressures o weight and food,body image,pressures and eating disorer rise.,clean eating and other fad bullshit.
when before people just ate.healthily but with the crap mixed in.there is so much pressure around food nowadys.and therefore so much more guilt,shame and judgement.and then a more emotional use of it.

dont think the problem with obesity is ALL to do with how much shit we offer our kids

could not disagree with more with you! Of course it does.
Teaching your children that crisps, chocolate bars, squash and general junk food is part of a normal diet is just wrong. Teach them to eat a bit of everything else and keep the party food for parties and picnic.

Personally I would do a snack mid morning and mid morning, but make it something like vegetable sticks or fresh fruit. When my two were little, their friends were forever eating snacks and not eating their lunch/dinner, I sometimes let my DC join in but I found it really frustrating. On the other hand, making meal times a battle isn’t great either. I would just offer their meals, if they won’t eat it don’t give anything else until snack time.

I think you're doing fine. A lot of them just push boundaries when it comes to meals. Just stick to your guns, although you're probably offering too much food and we tend to do an activity at the table to keep them there for 15 minutes. I'll set a timer and say they have to stay (and preferably eat for 15 minutes although under 3 might be a stretch) then I normally réad a story or we play a word game like i spy. I like the idea of an audiobook someone suggested.

My 3yo has been fixated on chocolate and sweets this Christmas holiday. He's usually pretty good with meals, I rarely do puddings in our normal routine.. but over Christmas we've just had so much chocolate and puds to get through. Hopefully your 2 will get back to normal when school starts again and the routine continues?! That's what I'm hoping anyway!

If mine are being like this over a few mealtimes then I reduce the amount I out on their plates. If rather them "take the win" and eat most or all of the portion. Then we can move on with the day and I offer a decent snack between meals (fruit and yoghurt, pepper sticks and dip etc).

Sometimes kids just don't want a big meal. It signifies lots of time sat at the table so puts them off.

I think it depends on the child too. My eldest has never really been a snacker, but will eat loads at dinner. We have been struggling with my youngest wanting to eat junk all afternoon, but I've realised that it is because I've been following the same schedule as for his brother, when he actually needs a snack or two in the day. When he is too hungry at dinner he just tantrums and ends up not eating it.

I think you are being a bit silly, TBH.

At these ages they are quite old enough to tell you if they are hungry, and they are old enough to get their own snacks. Try giving them a snack tin they can access, with food such as crackers or carrot slices or whatever you think might be good for them. Let them go to that, and otherwise give them meals.

If you keep reheating their food, they are going to start thinking that you exist to pander to them, and they will keep clamouring for something else that seems exciting.

Likewise, they definitely don't need puddings. We give DD sweet things as and when, but not as a 'reward' for eating her main meal, and not as something to expect.

If you stop giving out puddings, you'll likely find they need food more often than adults and maybe even more often than you revised schedule, but that's not a bad thing.

Thank you all. I’m now wondering if I do put too much on their plates and it’s overfacing them. I’m going to try dishing up less initially and see if that helps.

I really like the idea of offering them small choices too. I also think I need to get them involved in food prep more. It’s difficult to do stuff like that with three preschoolers at home but as a PP very rightly said, it’s not their fault we have such small age gaps. I loved “helping” with the cooking at that age.

Can I just add that I was brought up with the no food between meals thing (I'm in my 50's so standard for the times) and it meant that I would overeat at meal times as I was conscious that it had to keep me going until the next meal. Consequently I was trained out of the ability of stopping eating when I was satisfied and I have struggled with my weight all my life.

So I allowed my children to not clean their plates and provided healthy snacks, they are late teens now and are a healthy weight and have a healthier relationship with food.