To have a strict “no snacks” rule this young?

[SailorBee]

Hello all, looking for some preschooler food advice please.

First of all, I totally understand that it’s a developmental phase but my elder two DC (4 and 2.5) are driving me to distraction with their eating!

Every mealtime, whatever I make, they either “don’t like it”, they’re “full”, they want to bring toys or activities to the table and ignore their food, or they bang on about “pudding” all through the meal and hardly touch their food. And if one does it, it sets the other off too. They then spend the rest of the day between mealtimes whinging that they’re hungry.

We don’t do puddings after every meal, I don’t give snacks to graze on all day, I don’t let them get down and play as soon as they say they’re “full”, nor do I shout at them or force them to eat. Where am I going wrong?

When they say they’re hungry and they haven’t eaten their meal, but there is still a long time to go before the next meal, I usually reheat their uneaten breakfast/lunch, or occasionally give them toast and fruit if it’s something that doesn’t reheat, but WIBU to start a strict “no snacks between meals” (usually 5-6 hours) rule with children this young?

I just feel they really need to understand that not eating enough at mealtimes = feeling hungry. It’s also doing my head in faffing about with cooking and reheating food all day, and dealing with the “I’m hungry/I’m full/I want pudding” complaints constantly.

I also have a 10mo DD and I REALLY want to crack this before she starts joining in too 😫

TLDR: AIBU to say no food whatsoever between meals for a 4yo and 2yo?

*Told we should enforce good manners!

My kids don’t stuff themselves, they eat til they are full. They are both healthy weights and do loads of exercise. My husband and I are both slim and fit and no one finishes plates unless they want to. We just aren’t full of snacks.

My kids have never said they are hungry between meals. It’s boredom usually, or a pacifier. Mum I’m hungry usually means mum I’m bored, mum I need a cuddle, mum play with me. It isn’t genuine hunger.

YABU
Children at this age should be eating little and often. Their tummies are too small to digest enough food to keep them going that long. Reheating their lunch when they’ve said they don’t like it is not kind either. My dd was really fussy when little. As she’s got older, she eats more and more variety. I think your approach is more not less likely to give food hang ups.

I also do veg starters - a bit like the French do salad to start. Means they eat that first which often doesn’t happen with kids. So when they are full you aren’t left thinking they’ve had no veg. Got this off a European friend and it works a treat. They don’t snack either on the continent and their evening meals are much later.

NHS guidelines are little and often at that age. Even when they are in school they are offered snacks. Mine are grazers but so am I. My husband is more a 3 square meals person but I despise the feeling of being full. We always have things on offer like breadsticks, fruit, carrot sticks, granola bars as well offering 3 meals a day. They mostly eat all of their meals and they know if they make a good effort with them they will get something out of the ‘treat’ cupboard for dessert. We usually have small cakes, yoghurts, biscuits or small packets of buttons or similar. One of mine is quite a fussy eater but he’s currently going through coeliac testing and the other will eat anything and everything put in front of her unless she is full. I think you need to look at them as individuals rather than trying to force both into the same eating habits and patterns. We do all sit down together for evening meals and breakfast but very rarely for lunch.

I think the advice to offer smaller portions and a snack in-between is good.
We very rarely have pudding and what we do is offer DD a small 'pudding' before she gets ready for bed.
Clear plates not required and nothing is conditional on something else being eaten.
No food is banned in our house and all 3 kids have grown up to be healthy weights and good at natural appetite control.
I was bulimic in my teens and felt a lot of my family's habits and expectations around food didn't help.

I have a 5 year old. We don't have pudding at home. Only as a treat when we're eating out. I trust her appetite and if she asks for a snack I give it to her, unless a meal is imminent. We allow biscuits as a snack no more than once a day. Crisps and chocolate are not kept in the house.

We don't make her stay at the table when she's finished. She usually chooses to carry on sitting there anyway. If she doesn't want to eat a meal prepared for her, we allow cheese sandwich or yogurt and fruit as an alternative. She usually eats what's on offer. We never expect her to clear her plate.

She is healthy weight and is not a fussy eater at all. She eats a range of vegetables, grains, pulses and beans (we're vegetarian).

Easy snacks/small meals that I do -
Carrots and Houmous
Plain yoghurt and banana
Toast and peanut butter
Nuts and fruit
Cheese and fruit
They don't need to be actual meals and you don't need to spend a lot of time on them.

I think the key thing is not to make a big deal out of it. So the actual approach you take to number of meals and snacks is less important IMO than the words and tone of voice you use. Try to avoid things like getting cross with them, bribing them to eat or using food as a reward, making pudding seem special compared to savoury etc. Just be very matter of fact and unemotional about it all. Act as if you don't care what they eat! This approach seemed to work best for my DC at this age.

Some kids are just grazers. Offer healthy snacks, even at main meal time if they still just wanna snack, ok fine but sit at table with the family.
Offer snack size portion of main meal, full plates can be intimidating. I find most people serve up way to much for adults and kids

We had heaps of issues with dd not hungry or full fast, me thinking that she just being difficult but turns out when i applied the smaller portions, snacking over a day or "eat like mum", she ate better and less fights.
Most days she wont even have breakfast before school, she isnt hungry till recess at school. She like me, im just not hungry till my body has been moving for at least 4 hours

Even as an adult my hunger isnt 3 full meals but more grazing over the day.

. It’s boredom usually, or a pacifier.

It can be boredom. But very often when they are little, it’s because they have small tummies and need to eat little and often. And some people are more sensitive to blood sugar and insulin spikes and need to eat more often than others or they get hangry/can’t concentrate etc.

It isn’t superior to stuff all your calories into fewer occasions in the day, rather than breaking it up into more frequent meals. There is no one size fits all, and presenting it as such isn’t helpful. Assuming that everyone who prefers a little snack between meals is doing it because of boredom or lack of emotional regulation just because that would be the case with you, isn’t realistic. Real life can be complex and nuanced.

They don’t snack either on the continent

not true at all. They do!

They just don't stuff themselves all day with crisps and rubbish, but a regular snack is part of the normal diet.

My kids have starters too, and a pudding. They learn very young not to make a big deal of food. It works for us too.

With your ages of children, maybe offer snack at 3-3.30pm ish most days. That would roughly work with eldest finishing school, and younger ones after afternoon nap. I

I wouldn't worry about being chained to the kitchen. Snack can just be a small pot or plate of chopped fruit, veggies, chunk cheese, mini sandwich, or similar. something easy, that you can either have at home or out depending on where you are. Morning snack I would probably offer some yogurt instead of at breakfast time.

If you give 'pudding' in the evening, maybe seperate it out like others mentioned, with dinner eaten, then get kids ready for bed, and 'pudding' gets given nearer bedtime.

If they are fussy, can you try serving more from the table and separate a bit. Ie pasta in a dish, veggies in dish, garlic bread. Then let them help themselves. They can then learn to take less, and get more if hungry, and leftovers can be used properly as haven't been on some 2 years olds plate and dribbled on. Same with all meals.

Real life can be nuanced, for sure. And as adults we make our own choices, healthy or otherwise. I have been around families for si long now, most of whom use food as a pacifier and then wonder why their kids don’t eat their meals. It’s really a no brainier.

Id you’re sure your child is hungry by all means give them a satsuma. But presenting food every 2-3 hours whether hungry or not, or in response to every little whine, gives all the wrong messages about what food is for.

The ops kids are messing around. There is a discipline problem that needs addressing but I also suspect her kids arent sctuslky hungry. Along with some changes in disciplinary approach, cutting out snacks might be revolutionary for her. I’d bet money it works.

Mine is 13m and I only have one, so little to compare to. We do breakfast 7am/snack 10am/lunch 1pm/snack 3pm/dinner 6:30pm which also fits with nursery and their routine.

Morning and afternoon snacks aren't huge, maybe just a yoghurt, or fruit and crackers, or some crackers and houmous or something. Just something so he's not overly hungry between meals. If he eats every 3-4 hours he's generally happy and content and there's no battle. After this length of time he's ready to eat again and eats well.

What I can't stand, is when people just shove food at young kids to keep them quiet/still/entertain them. It's just not necessary. He's more than capable of sitting in his pushchair without a biscuit in his hands, or sitting and playing without a packet of crisps within arm's reach. He eats his meals and snacks at the dining table with us (or similar set up at nursery). Both my husband and I have had issues with food and weight over the years and it's not something I want our child to have to deal with. He has good food habits currently and I want them to continue.

For snacks I tend to do finger foods more often than not- veg crudités, cheese cubes, apple slices, banana, wholemeal oat cakes etc. You can also offer yoghurts- little yeos with no added sugar are good.

It doesn't have to be labour-intensive. I do two snacks a day, but mine is only 18 months old. She eats at 8 a.m., 11 a.m., 2 p.m. and 5 p.m.

Hi mine are 3 and 5 and I totally understand the frustration!

Is it because it's the holidays and they're bored? It's a long day and the weather is poo..

Are you showing too much anxiety around food?

I don't think 5-6 hours is too long if dinners are routinely wasted, usually mine go 5-6 hours between lunch and tea but they nap/rest in bed for 2-3 of those so would defo be wanting a snack if not I expect.

Could snacks be a plate of chopped fruit?

Lastly...don't worry. It does sound so standard at this age!

The ops kids are messing around. There is a discipline problem that needs addressing but I also suspect her kids arent sctuslky hungry. Along with some changes in disciplinary approach, cutting out snacks might be revolutionary for her. I’d bet money it works.

I don’t see that they are messing around particularly, it all sounds pretty normal for their ages. I would stop the bringing toys to the table, for sure, but wouldn’t be getting draconian about no snacking at that age.

I don’t see how you can be so sure about them not really being hungry between meals from what OP writes either. It sounds like you socialise within a particular milieu, and assume that its mores can be applied across society. I don’t recognise at all what you have said about food being offered as a pacifier, I just don’t see that happening in my social circle. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen elsewhere though. Doesn’t sound to me like OP is offering food as a means of emotional regulation from what she’s written.

I agree with others who suggest 2 snacks at fixed times per day. Would make it non sugary though.

We did " puddings only at weekends" when ours were children. I think that intermittent reinforcement ( unpredictable pudding availability!) is unhelpful and could lead to them holding out for pudding in case one is available.

Snacks in out house are vegetable sticks or an piece if fruit

And puddings ar weekend only. Then tend to be a yogurt

My kids have never had snacks. Friends are always in awe of how they just eat their meals, but once they know there won’t be anything else then they just do.
Eldest is 6.

The more kids eat the bigger their stomachs get and the more they will eat. Seems counterproductive but snacking will probably help them eat more at meals and overall. Just make sure you up their daily activity levels

“ They don’t snack either on the continent ”

Hahahahaha
I spent part of my childhood growing up in France. What utter bollocks.

The French (used to) have such a much healthier attitude to food.