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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think neighbour isn’t nit picking for the sake of it?

302 replies

EatGrassAndPuke · 02/01/2020 07:25

Detached houses. “Next door” is actually sideward on to us and we share the driveway. DH our Christmas lights on the outside of our house before Christmas. You can change the “light pattern” from just on all the time to slow twinkling and flashing. DD likes the flashing so we tend to have that one on. Neighbour has not mentioned it all over Christmas.

Last night we had the flashing pattern on. Neighbour has just stopped me on driveway to ask when we’re planning on taking the Christmas lights down as the flashing supposedly causes her bedroom to flash and prevents them getting to sleep. I asked why she’s not mentioned it until now so she said her DH is back at work today so they’ve “put up with it” but now he needs to be able to get to sleep on a night.

We have “history” with these neighbours and do not get on. AIBU to think this is just another excuse for them to start? We wasn’t planning on taking them down until Sunday.

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 02/01/2020 08:21

Your DD isn't awake until midnight I assume? So why are your lights on until then? 10pm is late enough by far, take them down now.

thesunwillout · 02/01/2020 08:22

And there you have it.

Sparklybaublefest · 02/01/2020 08:23

midnight is pointless,wont you think of the light pollution, can anyone even see the stars any more

Worldshohohokayestmum · 02/01/2020 08:23

Our neighbours have got flashing lights in their conservatory (since November) and when they are on, they flash into our kitchen, bathroom and if the kitchen door is open, into the lounge. Highly, highly irritating and on a very fast flash like a strobe. If I use the bathroom in the night, it's lit up like a disco. We haven't mentioned anything because they are lovely and it's just over Christmas but if it was flashing in our bedroom, I would have to have mentioned it as it would be very irritating.
Please take them down if they have asked

Sparklingbrook · 02/01/2020 08:23

Are the settings v complicated then?

MiniCooperLover · 02/01/2020 08:23

If you won't change the settings (and on ours it's literally a press of a button to change it, so if that's the case for you your DH is being v unreasonable), then turn them off fully ... oh and nice drop feed now you've realised so many people said you are BU 🙄

Sparklybaublefest · 02/01/2020 08:23

unplug the lights op,

Cordial11 · 02/01/2020 08:24

He is not faffing for the sake of a few days? You mean he won’t take a few minutes out of his busy schedule so your neighbour can get to sleep at a decent hour?
Switch them bloody off!

Justaboy · 02/01/2020 08:24

Just turn or unplug the bloody things NOW!

They are very irritating!! on all the time fine, flashing?.

Do you like casuing issues with neighbours??

Well do ya!?..

BaolFan · 02/01/2020 08:24

I’ve messaged DH and he said he isn’t faffing with the settings for the sake of a few days.

It's literally pressing a button Confused

Someone's the arsehole here - and it's not them...

Original poster
EatGrassAndPuke · 02/01/2020 08:24

People were asking what the history was! That’s the only reason I mentioned the other stuff. It wasn’t a drip feed!

OP posts:
Sickofrain · 02/01/2020 08:25

You are horrible neighbours OP.

greenlavender · 02/01/2020 08:25

Just turn them off!

LIZS · 02/01/2020 08:26

Yabu. Your dd is surely not up to see them flashing at midnight. Settings are normally a switch on a control box, hardly rocket science, and turn them off earlier. They have tolerated it for the festive period.

1066vegan · 02/01/2020 08:27

The updates aren't really covering you in glory. They've put up with these flashing lights for a month and you're too lazy to change the settings for the sake of a few days? Unbelievable!

brassbrass · 02/01/2020 08:27

YABVU OP and you know it.

Not one person has said it's ok.

AllyBamma · 02/01/2020 08:27

Of course YABU but why on earth did you even ask if you were never planning on doing a thing about it. I feel sorry for your neighbours.

Roussette · 02/01/2020 08:28

YABU. For the following reasons...

  1. Having lights that flash.
  2. Having them on until midnight! WTAF.
Next minute you'll be telling me they're blue lights...

Just because my DD likes something doesn't mean to say I do what she says.

Don’t people have black out blinds on their bedrooms?
So NDNs have to ay hundreds of pounds kitting out their house with blackout blinds because of an entitled neighbour.... rightio....

Read your update OP. Looks like you're not taking them down or turning them off.... nice...

brassbrass · 02/01/2020 08:28

Also is your DH the only person who can touch the lights? Is it too complicated for you to deal with?

iamkahleesi · 02/01/2020 08:29

Your DH is being ridiculous, it's no faff to stop them flashing. If he (or you) won't do that then they've got to stay off. Otherwise you're being incredibly selfish. This is separate to any past issues. It seems they were patient all over Christmas and enquired politely now.

donquixotedelamancha · 02/01/2020 08:29

I’ve messaged DH and he said he isn’t faffing with the settings for the sake of a few days.

Yeah, flicking a switch is hard.

People were asking what the history was...It wasn’t a drip feed!

I would bet your neighbours have a very different description of the events. Given that you are clearly unusually selfish I would imagine theirs might be more objective.

Brefugee · 02/01/2020 08:30

If they've really been havig difficulty sleeping over the whole of Christmas it's a bit passive aggressive (and daft!) of her to have waited till now to say anything, but that's her problem I suppose.

On the other hand it's Christmas and for the sake of neighbourliness they have put up with it. That sounds ok to me and it also sounds ok to ask that now they are a real nuisance to turn them off.

Midnight is really late - if you really want to keep them up how about a compromise and they go off at 10pm?

Singlebutmarried · 02/01/2020 08:30

There’s a much less complicated setting. It’s the plug. Pull it out.

I think after potentially a month of no proper sleep I might be ready to cut the wires.

Or set up a motion activated sprinkler system.....just for shits n giggles. And refuse to turn that off no matter how wet you get going to your car.

Wildorchidz · 02/01/2020 08:30

Google ‘light pollution and insects’
Maybe think about the damage you are doing to their life cycle, if you can’t give a shit about your neighbours.

ohprettybaby · 02/01/2020 08:31

@Deathgrip

You’ve had lights up flashing unti their bedroom / house generally until midnight for the best part of a month?
Where does it say she's had them up for the best part of a month?

So what if it's January? The OP has stated she plans to take them down on Sunday so is presumably following the tradition of 12th night which a lot of households do.