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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think neighbour isn’t nit picking for the sake of it?

302 replies

EatGrassAndPuke · 02/01/2020 07:25

Detached houses. “Next door” is actually sideward on to us and we share the driveway. DH our Christmas lights on the outside of our house before Christmas. You can change the “light pattern” from just on all the time to slow twinkling and flashing. DD likes the flashing so we tend to have that one on. Neighbour has not mentioned it all over Christmas.

Last night we had the flashing pattern on. Neighbour has just stopped me on driveway to ask when we’re planning on taking the Christmas lights down as the flashing supposedly causes her bedroom to flash and prevents them getting to sleep. I asked why she’s not mentioned it until now so she said her DH is back at work today so they’ve “put up with it” but now he needs to be able to get to sleep on a night.

We have “history” with these neighbours and do not get on. AIBU to think this is just another excuse for them to start? We wasn’t planning on taking them down until Sunday.

OP posts:
Hahaha88 · 02/01/2020 07:38

Of course yabu. She's probably left it til now to say anything to you cos you are an arse who she knew would be a douche about it

TriangleBingoBongo · 02/01/2020 07:38

We did this with our own lights and they were irritating so we changed the settings. I can believe they have been keeping them up.

Deathgrip · 02/01/2020 07:38

I asked why she’s not mentioned it until now so she said her DH is back at work today so they’ve “put up with it” but now he needs to be able to get to sleep on a night.

We have “history” with these neighbours and do not get on. AIBU to think this is just another excuse for them to start? We wasn’t planning on taking them down until Sunday.

Sounds like the history you have has made her wary of saying anything and they’ve therefore put up with this for weeks to save an argument.

If it were just another excuse for them to start, they’d have done it the day they went up (and they wouldn’t have been wrong then!).

Would be very interested to hear about this history you have...

user1483387154 · 02/01/2020 07:39

flashing lights are annoying and midnight is late. switch them off earlier or take them down.

Babooshkar · 02/01/2020 07:39

OP - are you serious?

Of course flashing lights into someone’s bedroom is incredibly unreasonable.

Have some self awareness!

Deathgrip · 02/01/2020 07:40

I’m also pretty sure the only reason you’ve got anyone saying that YANBU is because you’ve worded your title incorrectly.

Tolerating about a month of flashing Christmas lights and now wanting them to be turned off after new year is not bloody nit picking.

Sirzy · 02/01/2020 07:41

And then asking doesn’t mean you need to take them down before Sunday. Just don’t plug them in or unplug them earlier!

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/01/2020 07:41

Flashing lights would drive me crazy and stop me sleeping. A neighbour of mine has them but, fortunately I can't see them from my house. They make me feel ill.

currentlyavailable · 02/01/2020 07:42

I would say she sounds very reasonable. They have been off work and it's Christmas so have decided not to mention it. The only reason she told you they have been bothering her all Christmas is because you asked why she didn't mention it before!

Just turn them off and take them down at the weekend! Or put them on from 4-9 or something. Flashing lights drive me mad.

MrsMillerbecameababy · 02/01/2020 07:44

How old is your DD? Is she up until midnight watching your flashing lights?

I agree with everyone else but especially don't understand why you have them flashing until midnight - why so late?

saoirse31 · 02/01/2020 07:46

You were v unreasonable in the first place to put up lights which you could see would interfere with your neighbour. I'm not surprised tou have history with them.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 07:47

They've been more than reasonable. Apologise and take them down/don't switch them on.

PoppyFleur · 02/01/2020 07:48

Sounds like this is a great opportunity to start mending relations with the neighbours by switching the lights off at 9.30pm. A little kindness can go a long way.

happystory · 02/01/2020 07:48

They've been tolerant all over Christmas. Turn them off now.

Sushiroller · 02/01/2020 07:49

Flashing? Until Midnight??
Yabvvu
She did put up with it, rather than "put job with it" due to you guys having previous and probably does just want to get along.

Don't be that dick change the timer to 10 and take the flash off.

CatteStreet · 02/01/2020 07:51

You are being staggeringly inconsiderate. Flashing lights? WTF? I'd be certifiable by now after a month of living next to that. If they'd been my lights I would have limited my dd to an hour of flashing per day.

BaolFan · 02/01/2020 07:51

YABU - very much so.

MY NDN has flashing lights on their house and they are a pain. Fortunately the lights are set to go off at 11, so we live with it. But even with our blinds fully closed, you still get flashing from the lights coming through.

If you think the NDN is nit picking, then I wonder how much of their 'form' is actually perfectly reasonable requests which you've taken issue with, because you are the problem neighbour...

Sparklybaublefest · 02/01/2020 07:52

do you really have them on all night? quite inconsiderate

rainbowstardrops · 02/01/2020 07:53

You're bang out of order and I'd say your neighbours have been bloody tolerant so far!
Midnight is way too late and bright flashing lights are a bloody nightmare!
Either don't have them flashing or turn them off way earlier.

KaptainKaveman · 02/01/2020 07:55

OP please address your grammar: "we wasn't planning". Ouch! It ought to read " we weren't planning".
Secondly, you are being unreasonable. Flashing lights until midnight is very poor show. You're not in Vegas you know.

PinkCrayon · 02/01/2020 07:57

How can they disrupt her sleep with her blinds/curtains closed? Is this a projector? Is your projector shining into her window? Otherwise I can't see how it would disturb her?

Sirzy · 02/01/2020 07:59

Unless they are a full blackout blind/ curtains then lights will still flash through

Tara336 · 02/01/2020 07:59

I have to agree with everyone else, your neighbour has been really good about it! It’s not at all unreasonable to ask that you turn the lights off now, she’s tried to keep the peace by not saying anything over Christmas and has now politely asked they be turned off and explained why. I’m glad I don’t live next door to you, sorry OP

QuillBill · 02/01/2020 08:01

I would also assume that she hadn’t mentioned it before as you’ve had previous disagreements rather than she’s not mentioned it before ‘as another excuse to start’.

Loads of people, myself included, hate flashing lights. I spent the evening at a friends last week and I was demented by her flashing tree. And also intrigued as to why anyone would choose to sit in a room with wildly flashing lights.

lowlandLucky · 02/01/2020 08:01

Hope none of your neighbours have epilepsy, fits can be triggered by flashing lights. Maybe it is time to teach your child the lesson about being a good neighbour and a decent human being

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