My mum isn’t interested in my wedding?

[Debbierocket123]

I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I recently got engaged. I tried to call my mum but she didn’t answer and instead messaged me a congratulations. I thought she would call back but didn’t. Every time I talk about the wedding we’re planning she looks at me like I’m mad and either tries to change the subject or tell me I can’t afford what I am planning to do. My fiancé and I have been together for a year which isn’t long in her eyes but it al feels so right and my whole family love him. When you know, you know. I’m so excited and want her to be involved but she doesn’t seem interested at all. Is this normal? Do you think she might be angry at me?

My mum wasnt interested in my wedding so I didnt talk to her about it, arranged it with my DH and friends. She came, complained about the food and that was that. Its disappointing but you cant make her excited/interested if she isnt.

That is a shame maybe back off telling her stuff she is obviously seeing problems money etc that isn't there,

My mum was more interested in my teenage sisters dress than my wedding I had a dc before i married and she thought we were making a fuss

I’m so sorry for you, that must be heartbreaking. My daughter is getting married next year and I could not imagine being this way. Why don’t you have a chat about her actions. No, I don’t think it’s normal. Congratulations to you both.🌺

Mine wasn't interested in the run up and then furious she wasn't in control of the day. 5 years on I am much less close with her, it was like I saw the real her for the first time as an adult...

Can you afford what you’re planning? Is she at all justified in thinking this?

How old are you?

I think getting engaged after a year is too quick, perhaps your mother feels the same way? I’d struggle to be enthusiastic about such a quick engagements especially if you are young.

Do her comments about you not being able to afford it have any merit? If so then that would be a good reason that she isn’t enthusiastic.

Is this typical of her behaviour/attitude or out of the blue?

DH ans I got engaged after 5 weeks and married 13 months later, now married for 20 years. We didn’t live together until after we married as the army didn’t allow it. My DSis got married 6 months after meeting her DH and now married for 13yrs. If your DM has an issue with the time you have been together that’s a bit odd

What is she normally like and what kind of a relationship do you have!l?

The truth is that the vast majority of people aren’t that interested in other people’s weddings.

There’s nothing more tedious than having a friend who spends 18 months talking you through every intricate detail of their wedding planning, expecting you to care and have an opinion about everything.

Obviously, for most people, their mother will have some interest. But maybe yours doesn’t - and you can’t make someone be interested when they’re not.

We were engaged after a year it really isn't a quick engagement

My mum didn't even come when I got married. She said she'd babysit Ds. She was RIGHT. It didn't last any time at all.

Congratulations on your engagement!

You mention your mum says she thinks you can’t afford the wedding you are planning. If you are trying to have a champagne wedding with beer pockets, then she’s got a point. You can have a lovely wedding without spending £££.

Don't be too upset, mine tried to take over everything, I'd have loved her to back off.

I wouldn't be thrilled if my daughter got engaged after just a year. Infact I'd tell her not to be so stupid. You don't know someone in a year

It’s hard. I wouldn’t think a year was very long to be making a lifetime commitment but it would depend a bit on your age and situation. She may be worrying about paying her part or thinking there will be expectations she doesn’t think she can live up to.
Have a face to face conversation and be honest. Talk to her about your budget and how you’ll fund your plans.

I’m trying really hard to be restrained in my involvement with my daughters wedding. I want to be involved and supportive but it’s a thin line to tread without being overbearing and putting my expectations on her.

Just talk to her.

Maybe she doesn't see the attraction of spending enough money to put a deposit on a house on what is basically one day of partying.

A year is plenty long enough for some people.

Is she the kind of person that doesnt like a fuss and is quite financially minded? In just wondering if you've not got many savings and are renting and are planning on borrowing a load of money to splash 50k on being helicoptered into the grounds maybe she thinks you're a bit mad and should be saving for a house deposit etc rather than spending it all on one day?

If you're being sensible with the wedding spending and can afford it then maybe it is just that she thinks it's too soon

My mum wasn't really interested in my wedding. She didn't want to go dress shopping which I was a bit upset about. But we're not close and you can't force someone else's interest in something.

Huge amount we don't know.

Maybe your Mum doesn't like him, or can see something about him you are missing, still in the haze of 'first love'
Maybe you are only 18 and she thinks it is just too soon
Maybe there is something about his situation - complicated past / maybe you are young and he is a lot older, maybe he has 4 dc by other women ?
Maybe she thinks it is quite soon to be planning a wedding after just knowing him 12 months ?

or
Maybe she isn't interested in weddings
Maybe she has a lot going on in her life and doesn't have the headspace for minor details of a wedding
Maybe she is a miserable bugger who isn't bothered
Maybe she thinks your plans are ridiculous and is buttoning her lip so she doesn't say it outloud ?

No idea if YABU or not not even really sure what the AIBU is

I’m 32 and we are saving for a reasonably priced wedding. Although we can’t afford everything right now, we are saving up and are keeping things simple:)