Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

My mum isn’t interested in my wedding?

95 replies

Debbierocket123 · 01/01/2020 22:14

I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I recently got engaged. I tried to call my mum but she didn’t answer and instead messaged me a congratulations. I thought she would call back but didn’t. Every time I talk about the wedding we’re planning she looks at me like I’m mad and either tries to change the subject or tell me I can’t afford what I am planning to do. My fiancé and I have been together for a year which isn’t long in her eyes but it al feels so right and my whole family love him. When you know, you know. I’m so excited and want her to be involved but she doesn’t seem interested at all. Is this normal? Do you think she might be angry at me?

OP posts:

DeeCeeCherry · 02/01/2020 08:50

Next it'll be you all planned your wedding within 6 months max and zipped your lip about it all too

Actionhasmagic · 02/01/2020 08:52

She sounds awful!

MrsMillerbecameababy · 02/01/2020 08:56

DeeCeeCherry are you a wedding bore by any chance?

JanesKettle · 02/01/2020 09:06

Yeah, it's kind of weird to think a relationship is made or broken by levels of wedding excitement.

NerrSnerr · 02/01/2020 09:55

My mum wasn't interested in my wedding and it does hurt. It's not about the 'wedding' it's about the lack of interest in something that's important. She planned my sister's wedding because my sister lived local. I didn't ask anything of her, didn't have a huge lavish wedding, I just wanted to talk about it but she didn't give a fuck. She turned up for the wedding and went home.

Original poster

Debbierocket123 · 02/01/2020 12:29

Maybe there’s a misunderstanding here I didn’t forget when my wedding day was.... it was 2 years from the date he proposed. I don’t expect her to be interested in my wedding for two years but hoped she would be pleased for me when I told her I was engaged. All of his family are super excited for us. I don’t bring it up all the time just a couple of times. Also is it so wrong to actually enjoy my engagement and wedding? I don’t want to rush it all. I literally have all my life to buy a house but I don’t have forever to have children. That’s my choice please respect that.

OP posts:

BanSprouts · 02/01/2020 16:19

My mum was like this, it's hurtful but try to ignore is as best you can. Just remember that it's about you and your future husband and as long as you're both happy that's all that really matters.

Whoops75 · 02/01/2020 16:27

Is the wedding in 2022 ?

Maybe she’ll get more interested closer to the time.
I was very enthusiastic about weddings but less so now, maybe she feels the same.

SaphfireRose · 02/01/2020 16:57

OP, why would you set it two years away from the date he proposed? I've never heard of a wedding date set two entire years away. It doesn't seem like either of you are actually keen to get married, no one waits 2 years.

And people have explained to you that it is far easier getting house before you have kids. Those people have given you good advice.

crosstalk · 02/01/2020 17:55

OP why don't you ask her instead of asking Mumsnet? No one on here can guess at her feelings or know what else she has going on in her life or what background she has. She congratulated you and the wedding is a year away? Just leave her out of the mix.

I would be more concerned you are saving for a wedding, not a house and plannng TTC.

Youthgonemild · 02/01/2020 18:00

Your Mum doesn’t sound very nice. I can’t imagine not being interested in everything my kids have to tell me and that extends in to adulthood.

Congratulations and try not to let her indifference ruin your planning and day

Ragwort · 02/01/2020 18:03

Why is a wedding more important than a house? surely if you are thinking about children it would be sensible to have the security of a home rather than a ‘wedding’.
And what is there to enjoy about an engagement once you have chosen the ring and celebrated with your fiancé?
You sound hopelessly romantic, maybe your mum is a lot more practical.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/01/2020 18:08

Maybe op has set the date for 2yrs so can save

We got engaged 2015 but I have infertility issues so we then saved for ivf and £27k later and 5 attempts we have our daughter now almost 3

Last year in jan so a year ago we set a date for this May so almost 18mths away

So we can save

If being a mum is important to you op. I wouldn’t wait till you are 34 to then start ttc

If being married is that important to you then set a date this year and hVe in registrat office and then start ttc

PapayaCoconut · 02/01/2020 21:20

I literally have all my life to buy a house

If you buy when you're 40 your mortgage may become unaffordable when you retire. The idea is to give yourself enoug time to pay it off so that the repayments are affordable and means you will have low outgoings when your income drops. Otherwise you may as well rent (which is a bad idea for the same reason - too expensive in retirement.)

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/01/2020 22:36

I’d not be thrilled either with a wedding being planned after just twelve months of dating. Equally I’d want a stable home for any grandchildren so would see home ownership as far more important than s big party.

Wedding talk is boring, those two years of planning will feel like twenty for everyone else.

BackforGood · 03/01/2020 18:54

Well, I seem to be in a minority here, but I think I'd be excited if any of my dc were engaged and planning a wedding.
I was excited when my niece go married last year
But, unlike many MNers, I like a wedding, and I like to see people I love happy and excited.

ShinyRuby · 03/01/2020 19:24

My mum wasn't interested. She was pleased for us when we got engaged but showed little or no interest in any preparations. My sister & BIL were brilliant as was my best friend so I just had to accept my mum's attitude.
That was over 20 years ago & looking back on it I can see it was everything she really wasn't interested in. It still hurt a bit at the time though.
YANBU to expect a bit more from your dm but don't let it spoil your engagement. Surround yourself with people that do care & let your dm get on with it as she won't change.
Congratulations & enjoy your engagement.

WeeSleekitTimerousMoosey · 03/01/2020 19:29

Next it'll be you all planned your wedding within 6 months max and zipped your lip about it all too

Try 6 weeks and you'd be nearer the mark.

I hate weddings. The only people who came to ours were our children who acted as witnesses and were in their teens.

We only married for legal protections and now wish we'd held out for civil partnerships to come in, but hey ho.

If my adult daughter was planning a big wedding I wouldn't be interested in it, but she knows me so wouldn't be disappointed in my lack of interest in something I've never been interested in.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/01/2020 10:25

Next it'll be you all planned your wedding within 6 months max and zipped your lip about it all too.

2 months actually

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/01/2020 11:12

Perhaps I shoukd explain why. DH and I wanted to start a family and wanted to be married before we did. Neither if us wanted a big wedding so we just had a smallish do. Between us we had enough saved to pay for the wedding. We had already put the deposit on a house and moved in a few weeks after the wedding.

So I suppose we were lucky to have that amounts saved although it did mean cashing in almost everything’s we had.

If we had waited, to get married, we would have waited to TTC, and as others have said, I didn’t feel that would have been a good decision in my thirties.

Flip

1 2 3 4