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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to leave my 3 year old at a sleepover?

91 replies

Alexandra54 · 01/01/2020 22:09

DW and I have a 3yr old DD - she's not 4 for a few months yet.
We recently went for a Christmas party at one of DW's colleagues houses.
Our DD played all night with the colleagues DD who is several years older. As we were leaving, the colleagues commented on how nicely the girls had played together and said that our daughter should come for a sleepover sometime. They live on a huge farm in the middle of nowhere with extended family all living in the main farmhouse and in other homes within the grounds.
I didn't say anything, but DW said that would be really nice and they spoke about some potential dates in the new year.

In the car on the way home, I said that there's absolutely no way DD would be sleeping over there. She doesn't know this family at all, and DW doesn't even know them that well. DD has never slept over anywhere before (we live away from extended family)
DW thinks I'm being overprotective and it would be fine. I'm not comfortable at all.
AIBU to put my foot down?

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 01/01/2020 22:11

3 is far too young for a sleepover

dementedpixie · 01/01/2020 22:12

I agree 3 is far too young with a non family member

Drum2018 · 01/01/2020 22:12

Not a chance that would be happening. Family and very close friends if needed yes, work colleague for a sleepover with an older child definitely not.

WorraLiberty · 01/01/2020 22:13

YANBU. 3 is too young, especially given that they live in the middle of nowhere.

PsychosonicCindy · 01/01/2020 22:13

Yanbu
She is way too young I've had to go and collect dd from sleepovers even at age 10+ it's all fun playing in the evening but when they can't get to sleep or wake up at 3am and forget where they are/miss home/mummy/teddy etc it can be very frightening.

Weenurse · 01/01/2020 22:13

Nope, too young for a sleepover.

Turquiose · 01/01/2020 22:14

No way. Far too young. If it family member maybe but that's it. Not with strangers and older children.

Cherrysoup · 01/01/2020 22:14

Way too young for this.

RhodaDendron · 01/01/2020 22:15

Yanbu. My 5 year old isn’t even ready for sleepovers. My 3 year old would scream the house down.

Mylittlepony374 · 01/01/2020 22:15

My 3 year old stays at her aunties house occasionally but even then,with someone she knows well, at a house she knows well, there's been times when her aunty tells us she's been really upset at 4am wanting her mum & dad. ...Not a fucking chance would I leave her with a virtual stranger for a sleepover. I also think it's weird that they want her too- I wouldn't have a relatively unfamiliar 3 year old stay over at my house.

Turquiose · 01/01/2020 22:15

Why would you have a 3 year old stay for a sleepover anyway?!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/01/2020 22:16

Way too young! A family member of mine just had her first sleepover age 10. I would think it's extremely unusual to have a non family sleepover before junior school age.

isittheholidaysyet · 01/01/2020 22:16

7 for a sleepover (at the earliest) for my kids.

(Unless close family, or family-like friends. Or an emergency such as someone in hospital unexpectedly and child has to be cared for overnight and family aren't available)

Pepperama · 01/01/2020 22:16

Way too young. More like age 5 with family, 6 when they know each other well and 7/8 more generally

MadeForThis · 01/01/2020 22:17

No way. A good few years too young.

Russellbrandshair · 01/01/2020 22:18

3is far too young for a sleepover that’s ridiculous.

Just tell them she’s too young. End of.

Petrichor11 · 01/01/2020 22:18

3 is far too young!

Possibly they’ve forgotten how little 3 really is if their kids are older? And with family so close their kids probably had sleepover there from a young age? But that is totally different from what they’re suggesting!

Northernsoullover · 01/01/2020 22:18

My children went for sleepovers at 4. With friends with same age children. However I went for the sleepover too. That is the only way I would allow it. If I didn't know them well enough to socialise and stay then it wouldn't be happening for another 5 years.

Original poster
Alexandra54 · 01/01/2020 22:18

As I thought... DD is our first child and this is all new to us. But 3 just seems way too young

OP posts:
tired456 · 01/01/2020 22:19

Are the parents mad?

It's hard enough having a 3 year old round for tea but for a whole day then night??

Plus you have absolutely no idea who and how many people will be in and out of the house and at what time.

I wouldn't allow my 9 year old to go.

MulticolourMophead · 01/01/2020 22:20

I'd only have a 3 year old sleepover at my house in an emergency situation. My own DC didn't sleepover at a non-relative's house until they were about 6 or 7 minimum. And no sleepovers with Nana and Grandad until they were about 18 months/2 years ish. I went by what they appeared comfortable with.

SylvanianFrenemies · 01/01/2020 22:21

3 is ridiculous, unless close family who routinely see/care for the child.

Tbh I would find it a bit weird for an acquaintance/work friend to want to offer this.

Original poster
Alexandra54 · 01/01/2020 22:21

I think the colleagues was trying to be nice - DW and I haven't had a child free night (or even a night out) since DD was born. I think DW has probably moaned about this a bit at work, and colleague thinks she'd be doing us a favour.
But I'd be entirely uncomfortable with leaving my DD with people I don't know, just for the sake of a night out.

OP posts:
turkeyontheplate · 01/01/2020 22:23

YADNBU, she's far too young and it was an inappropriate suggestion from the other woman.

Rather than you "putting your foot down" however, which is not a particularly helpful co-parenting dynamic, you need to sit down with your wife and talk to her about your (completely rational) misgivings and how strongly you feel about this. Would you expect her to be unreasonable about it?

InsertFunnyUsername · 01/01/2020 22:24

YANBU. Way too young. Nice of colleague to offer though.