to not want to leave my 3 year old at a sleepover?

[Alexandra54]

DW and I have a 3yr old DD - she's not 4 for a few months yet.
We recently went for a Christmas party at one of DW's colleagues houses.
Our DD played all night with the colleagues DD who is several years older. As we were leaving, the colleagues commented on how nicely the girls had played together and said that our daughter should come for a sleepover sometime. They live on a huge farm in the middle of nowhere with extended family all living in the main farmhouse and in other homes within the grounds.
I didn't say anything, but DW said that would be really nice and they spoke about some potential dates in the new year.

In the car on the way home, I said that there's absolutely no way DD would be sleeping over there. She doesn't know this family at all, and DW doesn't even know them that well. DD has never slept over anywhere before (we live away from extended family)
DW thinks I'm being overprotective and it would be fine. I'm not comfortable at all.
AIBU to put my foot down?

3 is far far too young. And to be honest, it’s a bit weird of them to ask, especially if their child is several years older.

Haha! I remember when my dd was 3. A neighbours dd used to come in to play with her. She was 7 and asked dd if she would like a sleepover at hers. DD couldn't wait. She packed up all her treasures and off she went. As expected she didn't last an hour before neighbours brought her home 😂

Why do they need a sleepover? They can play together then go home in the evening. YANBU no need for a sleepover with a relative stranger at 3 years old.

DS1 is 5 and there is no way I would let him go to a stranger's house for a sleepover.
He has slept at PIL a couple of times - 5 minutes away and at SIL, also 5 mins away, a couple of times when he was about 18 months. That is it.

Way too young! You're 100% right on this one OP - imagine if she was upset or scared in the night somewhere unfamiliar 😭 much too little to be expected to deal with that.

Much too young. DD probably wouldn't want to sleepover anyway. What happens if she has a nightmare or wets herself in the middle of the night?

I agree OP she’s far too young. My dc are 7 & 4. The only times they’ve slept somewhere else is at grandparents.

I've tried explaining to her that our DD is too young, but she doesn't see it. She has no children on her side of the family, so doesn't really have anything to compare this to.
Our daughter is pretty grown up for 3 and has always slept really well (7pm to 8am ish) - but I've explained that this is in her own bedroom, own bed, own home etc, with us there to read stories and kiss her goodnight.
Plus, I actually don't want to be away from her yet.

My dd was very confident but was 6/7 before she had a sleepover with her best friend.
3 is far too young

Nope, grandparents or a close auntie/uncle in normal circumstances if the child was very comfortable with them. A friend the child knows in a real emergency (ie life or death) otherwise no way at that age or for some years.

My now 4 year old only has had sleep overs at her cousins (very close) and best friends house (we're really good friends with her parents and see them most weekends). Anyone else, she would probably freak out and not want to stay anyway.
Sleep overs, even for older kids are for really good friends only.

No way 3 is far to young. I wouldn’t even consider letting my 3 year old go for a sleep over. He has only stayed at my mums twice his entire life. My nearly 8 year old hasn’t even been for a sleepover with anyone but my mum and sister yet.

Far too little. At 3 perhaps staying with grandparents for the night or a sleepover with close cousins. I don’t think any of mine even had sleepovers with friends until 6 or so. The older two have been on sleepovers with Brownies etc.

YANBU just get a local teenager to babysit if you want a night out. Even with older DC I wouldn't want them staying anywhere unless I knew the family really well.

My niece slept over at my house at that age - she knows me very well and had spent loads of time in my house, but she still got a little homesick and she had to sleep in with me.

Way to young to stay with people she doesn’t know. Bonkers

God no, not a chance in hell, stick to your guns op

I think I'd be pretty fucking firm at this point!

It's mean of her to push you on this, you've told her your feelings on it and that should be it.

"Thank you again for offering but of course like any parent we know DD best and she isn't ready for sleepovers yet."

Then if any more push back, "As I've said, it's a no."

DD is 5 and hasn't slept over anywhere that isn't home or grandparents. It's a no from me!

I think it's quite good to get kids used to staying over then if there is an emergency it's not traumatic for them BUT with people they know well and you trust.

Pre DD (and when we lived closer to family), we had my niece and nephew stay with us overnight on a few occasions when they were both younger than DD is now.
DW sees this as justification for allowing DD to spend the night away from us. I suppose she thinks it's fine because she knows her colleague, but I don't, and neither of us know extended family.
It's something she's bought up a couple of times now, and I have said absolutely no... But she makes me feel bad about it.
Maybe we'll compromise and DD can go for a daytime playdate, whilst DW and I go to the cinema or lunch?

No way.

Far too young! My 6 year old wouldn't stay at one of her friends houses all night yet (nor would I let her actually) and she's pretty confident!

Daytime play date, fine.

Night time? No way

Why don’t you just get a babysitter and have a night out together?

Hell no. My 4yr old wouldn’t be able to do this, and I wouldn’t want him to!