Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not want to leave my 3 year old at a sleepover?

91 replies

Alexandra54 · 01/01/2020 22:09

DW and I have a 3yr old DD - she's not 4 for a few months yet.
We recently went for a Christmas party at one of DW's colleagues houses.
Our DD played all night with the colleagues DD who is several years older. As we were leaving, the colleagues commented on how nicely the girls had played together and said that our daughter should come for a sleepover sometime. They live on a huge farm in the middle of nowhere with extended family all living in the main farmhouse and in other homes within the grounds.
I didn't say anything, but DW said that would be really nice and they spoke about some potential dates in the new year.

In the car on the way home, I said that there's absolutely no way DD would be sleeping over there. She doesn't know this family at all, and DW doesn't even know them that well. DD has never slept over anywhere before (we live away from extended family)
DW thinks I'm being overprotective and it would be fine. I'm not comfortable at all.
AIBU to put my foot down?

OP posts:

Legoandloldolls · 02/01/2020 01:57

Definitely nbu. At five my dd is too young. Maybe at 6 with a friend you knew well. Or 8 with a school friend if your not chummy with parents but there had been a few play dates. I need to gadge adults and their kids before entrusting my child. Plus your child has to know right from wrong, how to behave etc.

Original poster

Alexandra54 · 02/01/2020 08:41

I work in a safeguarding role, so the potential for abuse is absolutely at the forefront of my mind.
Not that I suspect DW's colleague or her family as such, but DD is so young and vulnerable... I couldn't take the risk and hope that everything was fine.

Like several of you have pointed out, what if she had an accident at night? She's only been dry since July, with the occasional night time accident. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger changing her etc... I've been teaching DD the PANTS rules, and I wouldn't want to put her in a situation where she felt scared and vulnerable.

Going forward, you've helped me to realise that I'm not being completely unreasonable and although I do need to make some time alone with DW, sleepovers will be out of the question for several years yet.
Thank you!

OP posts:

Northernsoullover · 02/01/2020 08:45

I used sitters.co.uk for a babysitter when mine were younger. A lot of their team are teachers, nursery workers and they are DBS checked.

Inforthelonghaul · 02/01/2020 08:55

At 3 I would only be letting her stay with people she knew really well and sees on a regular basis but she is still too young really for sleepovers and would be likely to get upset in the middle of the night. DD is 9 and has been having sleepovers since she started school but it was always her choice. She has never had a problem sleeping thankfully but her friends of same age are awful anywhere but their own houses. Some kids will be fine others not but on the whole yours is still too young for now and under those circumstances.

Jessica7689 · 02/01/2020 09:18

Sleepover birthday parties always seem to start in Year 3, so with 7 turning 8 year olds, where I live.

3 is far too young.

Griffalo123 · 02/01/2020 09:20

We’re close friends with another family with a child of the same age as my DS who’s 3. DS went to theirs in December for a night when we had a Christmas party to attend.

We see them often and have been on holiday together so it didn’t feel weird and our DS was excited. We’re repaying the favour later this year when they have plans. Both kids are very excited about the prospect and are comfortable in each home.

We’ve also had older cousins sleepover twice which again all the kids enjoy (although we’ve only done this twice as it can be full on!).

We’re quite happy to make these arrangements as DS is an only child and we like giving him the opportunity to have other kids around.

I wouldn’t let him sleepover at someone’s house if I didn’t know them very well and if he didn’t want to.

I think it depends on your child and their relationship with the people whose house they might stay at.

I don’t think yabu based on the information you’ve provided.

Treaclepie19 · 02/01/2020 09:22

My 3yo had to stay over at our friends house with her 2 and 4 year olds last year while me and my husband were in hospital for a night. He found it really upsetting even though he knew them and had spent a lot of time with them.
I would say YANBU.

poppymatilda · 02/01/2020 09:24

Could you just go round for a play date instead?

CountryGirl1234 · 02/01/2020 09:28

Too young, I wouldn’t be happy with that at all, not to say they’re not lovely people but 3 is far to young. Maybe suggest the girls get to know each other over the coming year and that would be nice somewhere down the line, when she’s a bit older. Also where they live has no bearing.

Cremebrule · 02/01/2020 09:31

I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. My 3 year old is desperate for a sleepover with her best friend. Both me and her mum think it’s far too little and they have known each other since they were tiny and spend loads of time with each other at nursery. I’m not precious at all and give my children a lot of freedom but they are just still very tiny really and are processing lots of complex emotions. I can imagine mine would have a fabulous time At the start but freak out at midnight if she needed a wee and we weren’t there etc

ChocolateCoins19 · 02/01/2020 09:42

If it was a relative they knew then yes. My ds growing up always stayed with the same age cousins etc and visa versa. However never would I for someone they Don't know.

AJPTaylor · 02/01/2020 09:56

Yanbu
Try sitters agency for a baby sitter.never had anyone that wasn't excellent from there. You could always start with a day time booking for a couple of hours and go out for lunch or something.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/01/2020 10:00

God no- way too young, I doubt she would be able to sleep and be calm anyway,

CosmoK · 02/01/2020 10:02

My DS has been having a sleepover with our friends since he was 3....but we know them very well and we spend a lot of time with them. But he's also been sleeping at aunties and grandparents since he was 12 weeks.

The issue is you don't know them very well. I think they're being well meaning though.

JustDanceAddict · 02/01/2020 10:06

No way. DCs stayed with grandparents from around 2.5 but a virtual stranger, no way.

avocadotofu · 02/01/2020 10:07

That's definitely far too young for a sleepover. I think that's a really odd suggestion.

Flip

1 2 3 4