“Basically if you're not mature enough to put your own feelings if discomfort to one side and meet his ex, then I'm not sure you're mature enough to be in a relationship with a man who has a child.”
This!
What evidence do you have that she’s “already slagging me off and i wont be a good person etc she’s very controlling and very manipulative”?? Considering you’ve never even met her!
I was thankfully spared this nonsense as my ex’s ow/2nd wife is someone who was supposedly a friend of mine too so dd and I knew her already and to be fair other than the affair she’s always treated dd well. She even instigated my meeting her parents (I’d not met them when we were friends as they didn’t live nearby) as she wanted me to feel completely comfortable about dd being around her family when staying at theirs too - they too are lovely and have treated dd very well.
Be aware that some men set new partner v exp to suit them! As per several examples from pps:
To get time to suit themselves
To get out of seeing their child
For the ego boost
To control
To create drama
My ex (initially unbeknown to me) was telling ow I was the one dragging heels on divorce - I wasn’t he was. I’d started the divorce and he sat on various papers for several months because he was avoiding marrying again, she was pregnant and wanted to be married before baby born which would have been possible if he’d not faffed about!
He also was massively unreliable with contact with dd from the beginning, even though ow was pregnant he was wanting to act the single guy and suit himself. She was actually very much encouraging of his seeing dd so when she was asking him why he ‘didn’t have dd AGAIN this weekend’ he was blaming me - eventually despite him asking her not to (for obvious reasons) she contacted me basically to have a go, and I put her straight - that blew up in his face too!
So actually it can be really beneficial to you and ex to have a good co-operative relationship as it prevents him from being able to disseminate misinformation for his own ends.
Frankly that he allowed a situation to emerge where you heard her being derogatory on the phone smacks of HIM Being the manipulative controlling one! Who’s to say he hasn’t wound her up about you?
“There is a reason why she is so angry, and he doesn't have to say nasty stuff or shout to still of done something wrong.” Exactly what I’m thinking
Almost everything op “knows” about this woman is what bf has told her
And the rest could have been manipulated by him too - he may have implied op was ow even if she weren’t
I could be wrong but I don’t think being cautious and considering all possibilities is wrong