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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think life is shite

112 replies

Bulbousbob · 01/01/2020 20:22

And the daily grind until the day I die just isn’t worth it, I appreciate there may be some things in my life to be thankful for. For example I’m in reasonably good physical health. I’m not destitute. But for the love of god. My entire life has been a grind. No love in any form since the day I was born. No parents. No extended family. I’d love to be convinced I’m being unreasonable. I want to be positive but it feels futile. Im already journaling, daily affirmations, generally trying my best to be positive.

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2020 03:23

You have an absolute right to feel the way you do! But I think you're right to keep plugging away trying things, making small changes. Have you tried Mindfulness? It has helped me to get a break from the sad feelings.

theflushedzebra · 02/01/2020 03:39

Oh, and the thing about having a dog is that end up with dog walking pals- whether you're looking for them or not. I have chats with so many people about my dogs! I live in a village - and I swear to god, most of us know each other by our dogs! "You know, John..." - "John?" - "yeh, John, with the two greyhounds?" "Oh yes!" Grin

loubieloo4 · 02/01/2020 04:40

I agree with getting a dog, my wonderful cocker spaniel went over rainbow 🌈 bridge last year. She was great. Then find a dog walking group, like minded people, you may get the bonus of a friend or two.

We bought mum a dog when she retired (a Cockerpoo) she often meets up for coffee with a couple from her dog walking group.

Get yourself on a cruise, brilliant for single people and you get to see some amazing places! Even if you have to book a couple of years in advance to save.

theflushedzebra · 02/01/2020 05:17

loubie my insane loves-me-beyond-reason dog is a cocker spaniel too. They are highly strung and crazy - but the loyalty is beyond anything I've ever seen in a pet. I think he'd be happier if it was just me & him tbh... they are extraordinary dogs. He goes ape if my DH cuddles me, or DH cuddles DD. He is so protective, it's hard not to feel highly loved when you have a spaniel or a labrador.

BusterGonad · 02/01/2020 05:19

It's threads like this that make me love Mumsnet.

winningwhilstlosing · 02/01/2020 05:53

@bitheby I felt so sad after reading your post. I am sorry to hear that you feel so low. Please keep posting- this seems like a very supportive thread.

WatchingTheMoon · 02/01/2020 05:59

My life got infinitely better when I just stopped trying to be positive. It doesn't work.

loubieloo4 · 02/01/2020 06:44

@theflushedzebra I miss my side kick sooo much, we had the most horrific year last year that will probably will be even worse this year (dh 39 has terminal cancer) I really need her with me 💔

Member869894 · 02/01/2020 06:56

Keep buggering on op. I feel the same often. Another vote for a dog here. I'm in a singing group which helps too. This year I'm going to try helping people more - not because I'm some sort of Saint but because it does make me feel better.

Pinkarsedfly · 02/01/2020 07:01

Just placemarking for the pic of you and your ddog that you’re going to post...Wink

OP you sound fab. Funny, self-aware and honest. I’d be your friend!

I think pps are right though. Time to do what you want to do, for no other reason than it brings you joy. Not because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do.

And may I suggest a Boston terrier? Bloody hilarious dogs, and they adore you.

Look at this face...

To think life is shite
Bulbousbob · 02/01/2020 08:12

Smile gorgeous pooches. Pink, I love Boston Terriers. Yours is particularly cute.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 02/01/2020 08:23

@loubielou so sorry to hear that. I hope you have some support in real life, and that you will consider a thread here just for you if you don’t have one already. Flowers

FredaFrogspawn · 02/01/2020 08:26

@Bulbousbob A dog sounds perfect! I don’t think it’s uncommon to feel particularly defeated at 50 - I’m a few years older now and my really low moods have largely disappeared. I can’t have a dog because of work but I garden and feed the birds, both of which help.

TaighNamGastaOrt · 02/01/2020 08:27

Just another vote for rescuing a dog. Been where you are, my dog changed my life. On good days, she took me on adventures, on bad days she was the sole reason I got out of bed and kept going.
This time of year, a lot of rescues get in older dogs. Find your best friend! I rescued my collie, the irony was she rescued me. I didn't know I needed rescuing.
Also, I met my best friends and DH thru my dog, it's amazing how they open you up to life!
Good luck op, here's to a brighter new year for you.
And your new best friend!!

FredaFrogspawn · 02/01/2020 08:27

And I foster cat families occasionally which is like a huge concentrated cuddle.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 02/01/2020 08:34

I sympathise with you as life can be pretty shit.

BuckingFrolics · 02/01/2020 08:57

There's a great book From "Misery to Meaning - the middle passage" by James Hollis. He is a Jungian therapist but you can get a huge amount of understanding and peace from the book regardless of that.

Life is hard. Being a conscious animal is damn hard. I have many times felt overwhelmed by the pointlessness of it all, despite having DC etc - and I was diagnosed with depression. Since taking antidepressants I felt immensely better. One of the things about depression is you can so easily find (negative) reasons for not taking pills and the irony is that once you do start taking them, you realise how self-defeating you were to not want to take them. Anti depressants have if not saved my life, certainly enabled me to live my life more happily and with less suffering. If you've got to get through life, don't suffer unless you have to.

Yes to a dog. Yes to going the whole hog- from flowers to an allotment, from night after night "in" to repainting you're living space. From dancing alone in the kitchen to jointing a 5rhythms group. From miserable journaling to writing your life story in Felt tip on your bathroom walls. If you want more men in your life, go where the men are - car maintenance, gliding, cycling, golf, football,

Whatever you do when you feel particularly low, DO NOT SIT DOWN. Sit, and the day is lost.

You're not alone. You're not pointless or mad or unlovable. You have been dealt a crap hand of cards with which to play the game but that doesn't mean you are a crap player or not welcome in the game.

dimsum123 · 02/01/2020 10:21

To the PP who said trying to be positive doesn't work - thank you! I bloody hate it when idiots say that. They never give any instructions on how to think positive and sustain it day after day when your life is still as shite as ever.

I didn't have the love and support of family when I was growing up. It leaves a lifelong scar.

Pinkarsedfly · 02/01/2020 10:22

That’s a great post BuckingFrolics.

StoneofDestiny · 02/01/2020 11:05

Whatever you do when you feel particularly low, DO NOT SIT DOWN. Sit, and the day is lost

True. (Or at least go sit where the scenery is different to home - the park, the art gallery, the cafe etc)

bitheby · 02/01/2020 11:24

@winningwhilstlosing

Thanks. I’m hoping to get pregnant but am already in my 40s and my sperm donor let me down last night so that’s another month that will pass by. I’m in a really unsatisfactory relationship that’s probably ending. My job is really stressful and I don’t really enjoy it but I’m trying to pay off debts that I built up while I had a period of unemployment and only working part time.

Having a baby is the only thing that gives me hope but I feel like my chances are slipping away. And I feel completely alone with all of it.

Last night just felt like all my hope had gone.

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 02/01/2020 11:38

Really do sympathise. I've had nothing but health issues since I was born. To top it all off last year got breast cancer.

LadyAllegraImelda · 02/01/2020 12:44

Hopefully you are still feeling better this morning OP?

I used to feel like this but finally (after years of refusing) went on SSRI's and I haven't looked back! Always finding cheap flights and deals, got dog and stopped working from home (too much isolation.

Flowers for you OP and best wishes for this being your year of changes once and for all! xxx

Bulbousbob · 04/01/2020 15:02

Hello all. Update. I went to rescue centre today for a chat about what’s realistic for my needs. Have a 20 week puppy in mind. I’m going back tomorrow. Grin

OP posts:
Notagainnnn · 04/01/2020 15:05

I've felt the same previously. Until a few years ago I set myself a goal to book, pay off and go on my dream holiday. It gave my life reason. Now I am planning to do it all again.