To think life is shite

[Bulbousbob]

And the daily grind until the day I die just isn’t worth it, I appreciate there may be some things in my life to be thankful for. For example I’m in reasonably good physical health. I’m not destitute. But for the love of god. My entire life has been a grind. No love in any form since the day I was born. No parents. No extended family. I’d love to be convinced I’m being unreasonable. I want to be positive but it feels futile. Im already journaling, daily affirmations, generally trying my best to be positive.

@Singlenotsingle snap! 😘

A dog is a fantastic idea and, at the risk of sounding patronising or silly, if you’re approaching 50, would you consider HRT? I know you say that you’ve always felt like this but, if there’s any chance that the feelings of pointlessness and hopelessness have increased gradually over the last 5-10 years then there’s a good chance HRT could help. There are so maybe women of our age who feel gradually overwhelmed by pessimism and so many who emerge from that fog after a few months on the right dose of HRT. Have a look at the mymenopausedoctor website. It won’t change anything in your situation but it might help you rediscover your resilience. I cannot put into words how different I feel.

Actually i'm now retired but have a problem finding the time to do all the things that I want to do, new engineering concepts and other things of intrest the only thing getting me down a bit is i'm running short of years left ;!

But still I'm basically healthy and can't grumble at that! Had the ex over here , not at mine, she needed a bit of cheering up she was at deaths door just over a year ago with cancer but after some new expermental treatments is now fine but dosent seem to appricate it!

But best of all is a new lady beckons might be a few practial problems but they I think can be overcome, and all that traveling I've wanted to do but didnt, marridge and children to support and private schools etc;(

Love to have someone to spoil rotten again:)

Might be an idea for you to get a little dog rather then a cat with them your just servants but doggies are best mates. Like a dog again still miss the last one its bin sometime.

Animals are on the whole better than people. Dogs in particular are the best at making you feel important and worthwhile; they're just always so pleased to see you. I also like reptiles for their ability to not demand too much, look cool whilst simultanaeously giving you a glance that affirms you are indeed a piece of shit, yet they still require you to stay around a good couple of decades to take care of them.

Other than that I find creative type projects keep me going, mostly cross stitch, gardening and home improvement. Admitedtly it's a relatively short term solution and the prospect of another 60+ years of this existence doesn't spark joy, but we all have to start somewhere I guess.

OP are you kind to yourself? Are you drawn to people who are kind to you or people who you can be kind to?

Another self help book that I found really helped is Pete Walker's book 'CPTSD from surviving to thriving. A self help guide to surviving childhood trauma'. If you can't afford the book, some of the key points are contained in his website.

It's difficult to find connection with others until you learn to really connect with yourself and start to really understand and care for you. Also if you are vulnerable you may be unconsciously drawn to narcissistic and self obsessed people rather than those who will give back to you. Start reading about narcissistic people so you can learn not to get sucked in by them.

Good luck OP, you'll be amazed and how life can change. Look for a relational counsellor, who will work on how you connect with others. Many counsellors will accept some low income clients at a reduced rate. Look for someone through Psychology Today or the Counselling Directory.

Wow! You people are incredible. I started this thread feeling pretty hopeless. I’m going to bed feeling empowered and very grateful for what I’m blessed with. Including the warmth and guidance from strangers. Night all. Tomorrow I’m tasking myself with rescue dog exploration. Already the works feels a better place.

OP, that’s good. People do care. You get a good nights sleep and as a previous poster said, be kind to yourself. Night.

Bob there's a lot of love in the universe 🤗 sleep well xx

I agree with the first poster. Telling you to ''be positive'' would be shitty and useless. I hope things get better for you. Maybe you can change one small thing. One thing at a time.

I went through a decade of feeling overwhelmed and powerless in the face of so much responsibility and I used to read endless articles about positivity and I couldn't just flick that switch BE POSITIVE.

I read a book by Carol S Pearson Phd about archetypes and it did really help me, understand and forgive myself for not being braver and ''more positive''.

I understood why my inner orphan had been at the helm. It had kept me safe before I was ready to be brave. There were good reasons for that. I'd never had security and I needed it, and I was kind of in survival mode. Letting my Orphan make all the decisions kept me safe. I couldn't just be another person. I read the book and understood why I had valued security and why I'd never had it! There were benefits to allowing the inner orphan to be in charge when you're vulnerable though so it's not Then I did the exercises to bring out the inner warrior. It has been better for me and more useful to me than just a meaningless piece of advice to 'stay positive''. I began to feel a little braver and a little bit more creative. Which helped me.

What did you love to do between the ages of 8 and 14?

I am sorry. I (think I) felt much the same as you for decades, just one day plodding after the other. Nothing to look forward to. Wake, work, eat, sleep. Six miscarriages. Divorce. Cancer. The drugs I was given afterwards had 'interesting' side effects, and after a while (when I couldn't so much as walk up a flight of stairs without having to sit down, blood pressure through the roof), I was put on Sertraline. For me it's been a life saver. Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor. The way I understand it (and I'm not medically trained) is that most people's brains sort of bob along fairly evenly, but in others it's a bit like a roller coaster - highly up or down, which (in my case, and possibly yours) causes high anxiety or depression. After all that waffle, I think I'm suggesting you see a GP to see if an anti depressant will help. It's changed my life - I'm not bouncing off the roof tops like Dick Van Dyke, but neither am I scuttling in the gutters like an anxious rat. I also tried all the things people suggest - the joining things (which made me feel even more lonely), sports (ho ho ruddy ho), hobbies (I had and have none), now things are more even - just sitting in a coffee shop reading and listening to other people is fine, not having a panic attack at the checkout is wondrous. Tiny steps, and it takes time - it's taken me the best part of half a century to finally feel at ease and not pressurised. It may work for you. I'm wishing you the best of luck. Please feel free to PM me if I can be of any help (i.e. if I'm in your area and you fancy coffee).

user1470771898 yep!, Neuroscience is a very intresting subject indeed:)

aaahh… you work from home... that is really really really really significant... working from home is so isolating, especially if you don't have colleagues who you can phone for a chat.

a dog is an absolute essential then. he will get you out the house, rain or shine, and chatting to everyone from school kids to the lil ole granny who lurks by her wheelie bin waiting for someone to talk to her. you get to meet so many people when you walk your dog and even if you don't, you will have fresh air, exercise and the undying devotion of your little fur baby.

you will also have hairy carpets, muddy floors and bones in the bed but hey, who cares... he won't mind if you don't shave your legs, have a spot on your nose or wear your pj's all day... he will forgive you for being human much quicker than another human will.

Hi OP,
I hope you are feeling a bit better today...?

Can I suggest you travelling? If you can afford even a small escapade to a warmer place or a city break in one of the beautiful European cities, do it. Just do it.
"Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.” – Seneca

Happy new year and all the best for the 2020

Wow. I could’ve wrote this myself ... everything from the type of work (I’ve worked in H&SC for 25 years and I’m absolutely drained and exhausted) to how you feel. Taking lots of inspiration from this thread. Unfortunately a dog is out for the foreseeable due to the relentless shift work right now but I’m going to put my chin up and have another whirl at getting out and about and doing things just for me. Have some

Life is so so short OP.

I really do think we need to try and enjoy each day as it’ll be over before we know it.

OP, thank you for starting this thread. I've been feeling the same. I'm also nearly 50, is that significant?

I'm going to take on board some of the suggestions and recommendations and ideas on this thread. So many wise and insightful people on this thread. Thank you all. x

I'm sorry I haven't time to write more as I've just read your post but I just wanted to say that you already got one of the things you asked for ...

You made a connection. Actually you made multiple connections to the people responding to you

You are special, you are heard.

Well you've done what's expected of you,what's recommended, bla bla bla, you don't even mention if you enjoyed any of it.

So change track, do the things you want to do and fuck it. Get the dog, buy the flowers, wear Uggs and flesh coloured leggings, dye your hair purple or whatever other things that would bring you happiness, satisfaction and make you smile.

Living life for yourself would be a great start to the year.

Love this thread. Glad you’re feeling a little better already OP. I was going to suggest a dog too.

Best wishes x

I'm partial to cats myself, not as needy or loving but definitely good teachers in "fuck it".

Im nearly 50 too but feel fairly optimistic my 50s will be a good decade. However i earned my stripes feeling low. I get it. Ive been on SSRIs too. I had so much responsibility in my 30s and still do, in my 40s. And late 40s!
It never ends. But even the end in sight helps.

You sound delightful OP. I’m sorry you feel like you do. I wonder if nearing 50 has something to do with it, I myself have been feeling pretty maudlin and fatalistic as that milestone approaches although it’s still a few years off for me.

Anyway I just wanted to say you sound a brilliant person, and that I think a dog would be an awesome idea for you to explore. Big hugs x

I'm feeling pretty much the same; single, childless, stressful job that I don't enjoy much.

Made massive life changes and seem to end up feeling the same.

Don't know what the answer is. I've been thinking about ending things tonight too.

Just have to hope that something shifts.

A dog sounds good. I was at the beach today and a lone man came and sat by my kids and we just got chatting over the dog.

I'm 45 and joined s crochet club. I mostly sit and just listen to the other ladies as they are a tad older, but I love it. I dont have to be bubbly, I can just sit and be and feel part of something.

You can be surrounded by people but feel lonely. Finding a common interest breaks the ice. I try to go out and enjoy the moment and dont think about looking for friendships now. Regular surface level chit chat is also as good plus no drama!

If you want someone to chat too then I'm a good listener ( I think!) No one should feel alone. Been there myself and its horrible

OP, I would say having the love and support of a family around you from an early age is an immense privilege that cannot be underestimated, so I'm so sorry to hear you haven't had that.

I also think caring jobs "can" grind you down, if you don't have support and happiness elsewhere in life to balance it out.

I'm so pleased to see your plans for a dog - my dog loves me more than I think anything could love me - well, I've got 2 dogs actually, and a family, but one dog loves everyone (labrador ) the other loves me - he's obsessed with me. I truly believe he'd give his life for me. His obsession - waiting at the toilet door for example! - is annoying at times, but still - it's amazing.

Good luck! Wishing you all the best for 2020