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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder at what age is deemed too old to be living at home

110 replies

busyweeks78 · 01/01/2020 14:35

A lot of my friends aged between 23-28 still live at home is this uncommon. Is there an age where living at home is deemed socially unacceptable?

OP posts:
ProfYaffle · 01/01/2020 15:53

BIL is 53 and still living at home ....

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/01/2020 15:56

Mine can live in the family home for as long as they wish after eighteen. Hopefully they will stay and use the time to save, travel, have lots of fun before settling down at a time when they are ready.

Moving out early may be good for independence but lots end up with no house deposit, quickly moving into relationships etc.

recycledbottle · 01/01/2020 15:56

I think it is fine most of the time but you do sometimes get Co dependent relationships forming when the adult child can't function without the mother.

Newmetoday · 01/01/2020 15:58

23-24.

huggybear · 01/01/2020 15:59

@Itsjustmee why would he move out when you are letting him live for free and spend all his money fun stuff! You could save the rent and gift it back to him for help with a deposit.

Gin96 · 01/01/2020 16:07

My son is 28 and still lives at home, I love him at home with us. I do charge him rent, he works, cleans, does his own washing, cooking and shopping, someone to watch the house and dogs when i’m on holiday. It works well. I’m sure as soon as he settles down with someone he will move out.

StrawberryIsMyJam · 01/01/2020 16:07

My eldest is 34 and still lives at home.
I keep begging the single women at work to take him off my hands, but to no avail. 😭

thunderthighsohwoe · 01/01/2020 16:14

I’m 33 and DH, 13mo DD and I have rented out our home while we live in a cottage on my father’s land. We keep an eye on his house and gardens while he’s away (at least 50% of the time) and get to save to upgrade the mortgage.

I feel awkward telling people in real life about it when they ask, but no one has openly judged me yet. I expect one of my siblings and their respective partner will move in once we’ve done our stint (all in their late 20s, early 30s).

BillywigSting · 01/01/2020 16:16

I'm 29 and only know one person (he's 30) who still lives with his mum. It's just the twist of them as his parents are divorced and his siblings all have homes and families of their own.

He's gay and has never had a long term relationship, or been to uni which I think has been a contributing factor.

He has previously lived away from her but had to move back when he was made redundant and couldn't afford the rent.

He's currently saving for a deposit on a new place but doesn't seem to be in any great hurry. It seems they have a pretty good living arrangement and are both reasonably happy. He's living there like a lodger paying rent (though obviously cheaper than living alone) and doing his fair share of the housework.

I moved out at 22 and had been dying to move out for about three years by then but couldn't afford to. I can't imagine being late 20s or older and still living at home but each to their own I suppose.

RedPanda2 · 01/01/2020 16:17

Personally I think anyone past 25 living with their parents is odd, a couple living with one set if parents even odder.

SlayingDragons · 01/01/2020 16:17

I have 2 siblings who still live with our parents. One is 22 and for a variety of reasons, unlikely to live independently for quite some years to come. The other is 28 and likes to think of themselves as a bit unique. They have been to university, had a professional job and then given it all up to volunteer/study/find themselves etc. They are currently living away due to a “job” for a period of a year, but living with another family so still not independently. They’ll be back next summer and will move back in with mum and dad. Totally inappropriate in my mind - they are absolutely capable of living alone and earning a good wage to pay for it but they don’t want to grow up. (They complained that they didn’t get a stocking and pile of gifts from Santa this year as my parents had sent them a parcel a few weeks earlier with all their gifts in it then - they were annoyed at having no surprises to open - says it all really.)

JacquesHammer · 01/01/2020 16:18

Whatever works for the family dynamics is fine.

I moved out at 21 (having had a year at uni, then two years back at home whilst studying) but imagine at some point we’ll all pool resources and move back in together.

TwentyViginti · 01/01/2020 16:21

The problem is, as evidenced on MN, that men who remain at home long after attaining adulthood often expect their live in partner to take on the role of mummy and do little cooking, shopping, housework etc; they seem trapped in teen mode and have sulks and tantrums when they realise their partner expects them to do their share.

blue25 · 01/01/2020 16:21

After 25, I’d say it’s time to move out and stand on your own two feet.

I’ve got relatives still at home at 30 and 35 and it’s definitely stunted their independence and maturity.

StillMedusa · 01/01/2020 16:24

Two of mine..aged 25 and 26 are living with us. The 26 year old is off to Australia shortly to live (getting married) and the 25 year old is saving for a house..with her fiance who also lives with us.

House prices here are obscene and I'd far rather they saved than rented or they will never get a foot on the ladder as we can't help.

Eldest is 28 and has her own home, youngest is 22 and is very unlikely to ever leave home as he has special needs.

It works fine for us. they pay a small rent and save as much as they can. We all work, all come and go at different times and cheerfully share our home and actually it's lovely, and I'll be a little sad when they do leave as I love a busy home!

Userwhatevernumber · 01/01/2020 16:25

It is entirely dependant on culture imo.

In some cultures it is perfectly normal to stay living at home until marriage, and even then, in some cultures, a newly married couple will live with their parents for a few years.

I lived with my mother until I was 26. A friend of mine lives at home with her mum at 31. Another friend of mine moved out at 19 and has never even since stayed overnight.

Who is anyone to say what is normal or acceptable or odd or not? Anyone who deems anyone else’s set up is rude and xenophobic.

Userwhatevernumber · 01/01/2020 16:26

*anyones set up is odd

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2020 16:27

It's not about what's 'socially acceptable '. Some people are never in a situation where they can move out. Not everyone can pay cash for a 5 bed room house with a swimming pool at age 21.

Limensoda · 01/01/2020 16:29

My son left home at 26. I thought he was never going to leave!....but I don't think we should judge others on what's acceptable so long as its ok with whoever is involved.
I left home at 20.

Bourbonbiccy · 01/01/2020 16:31

I agree, it's not always about what socially acceptable, some people now, simple can't afford to get on the property ladder and older than 28.

If it is just down to socially acceptable again, I don't really think there's a norm. Some people crave more independence earlier on, others are quite happy staying at home.

Fr0g · 01/01/2020 16:34

the idea od charging adult children rent, and saving it for them when they move out is surely further infanalising the "child"?
If they are living at home at reduced rent, then not unreasonable for them to make a decision to save.

Couple of years ago a colleague who was finally leaving home calculated all the "rent" she'd paid to parents over the years (she was around 30, so nearly ten years) and assumed she'd have it as part of her deposit.

Her parents weren't particularly wealthy, and not unreasonably had treated it as part of the household income, covering her share of food, utilities, etc. Colleague was furious when they told her no, they weren't about to reimburse the £50k she thought she was entitled to to provide a deposit.
Everyone in the office thought it was hysterical - particularly her peers roughing it in grotty hose shares.

Lazypuppy · 01/01/2020 16:51
  1. Either move out to go to uni or move out when you get a full time job.
Bourbonbiccy · 01/01/2020 16:56

I would save my sons rent for him, (if we are still in a position to do so and he was still at home).

I don't think it would infantilise him, as he will know how to cook, clean, look after himself and budget for his bills.

He just won't know he will be getting a chunk back to help him on the ladder.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 01/01/2020 16:59

I agree that culture has so much to do with it IMHO. When I get asked by my Asian colleagues do I still live at home - because they know I am single (divorced actually but let's not complicate things) they are always surprised that I live alone. And I find it quite common to find they are still living at home, way into their 30's married or not.
I left home aged 18 and only moved back in with my DM for a couple of months when I moved back to my home town.

Dementedmagpie · 01/01/2020 16:59

I know of 2 people (male) who each still live with their parents in their 40s/50s. Both have reasonably well paid jobs and no additional needs so I find it unusual that they wouldnt want to get their own places.