AIBU to think it is not ok to turn up at someone's house at 12.45am...

[MeadowHay]

...even if it is NYE?

In law turned up at our house at 12.45am last night with no warning. I was in my PJs in the bathroom, getting ready to go to bed so I just continued to go to bed. DH was downstairs about to come to bed and talked to them for about half an hour, until our toddler woke up crying so they left.

I think that is not ok at all and want DH to tell them so and that if they do it again we just won't answer. Or am I being like a NYE scrooge and should just appreciate the fact that we have family who care enough that they want to come and wish us happy new year?

I am genuinely amazed that 30% of people think it is ok to call on someone at that time.

We would have been in bed but even if up I doubt we would have opened the door. It's incredibly rude to call uninvited so late

That is absolutely not acceptable, especially as these relatives all know you have a toddler who was probably asleep. What is wrong with MN sometimes???

This is clearly not acceptable, even on NYE. We all have smart phones now so even a heads up text would have done the job!!

Former midlander here and my DM used to ask one of our dark haired handsome guests to go out the back door at midnight and come back in through the front door with coal and bread.

It was a tradition of her NYE traditional parties.

However YANBU to not feel very welcoming to these people at 12:45 when you have a small DC.

Never heard of First Footing so appreciate the explanations given, but why did it have to be a 'dark man' or 'dark haired man'? Why does coal bring good luck?

It was N.Y.E or Ne'erday in my part of Scotland, we had strangers in here at 2 o'clock this morning, they were passing with some locals (from 5 miles away) and heard the music and laughter so knocked on the door, we invited them in, we had a dram out of our bottle and a dram out of theirs and they were on there way to walk the 5 home.

NE here and first footing is very normal and expected in all the places we’ve lived. 1245 is still a time when neighbours would be going to each other’s houses too. Only if the lights are on though and there’s obviously a party going on!

12:45am I'd have been fast asleep, as was dh.

Unless it was someone in need of help I would not be impressed, NYE or not.

Is he usually socially inappropriate? He may not have been drunk but I would assume he was under the influence of something to think it was a good idea to call on relatives with a toddler in bed at this time, especially given his partner was trying to tell him what a bad idea it was.

I would guess that most of the 30% are Scottish, or from other parts where there is a first-foot tradition. My elderly parents were having guests in until 2am!

Completely acceptable to me but I'm Scottish. Should be glad it was only 12.45, at home you get first footers all night, and it happens on the first and second as well.

Completely inappropriate especially considering your young child - they owe you and your DH an apology.

We first foot here as well, it’s not just a Scottish thing 🙄

I hate uninvited guests at any time of the day and night, but then I am an anti social miserable bastard. I’d be livid under these circumstances OP 🤣

We re of Scottish descent so used to it (first footers).
Last night ours was the only house lit up and partying.
I probably wouldn't call on English friends at that time

Yes, traditional for us too ( north east of England but with Scottish relatives), perhaps less so now but certainly when I was younger. Very fond memories of dressing up, going 'house to house' or being one of the 'open houses' till 4.00 or 5.00 in the morning, ending with all of our extended family at nanny's house. We could walk 4 or 5 miles across town.
We still follow 'first foot' traditions now - to welcome the new year in. It would feel so wrong not to!

I cant believe some people think this is ok. I'd be annoyed after 9pm lol

Dad's family is from the NE
So it's traditional for me and I'd be fine with first footing, up to about 1am

YANBU to be annoyed I suppose OP it is rather late but not the end of the world. Why does DH need to tell them you disapproved though? Surely if you feel bothered you can do so yourself.

I'd probably just leave it tbh, it sounds like the reception made them aware it wasn't well received.

@Abouttimemum I'm not sure why you're rolling your eyes? It is a Scottish tradition and pretty much everyone does it in Scotland, it's considered the norm. Other areas may have adopted the tradition, just like many other kinds of traditions, recipes and other things have been adopted in areas where they don't originate from. However that doesn't take away from the fact that it is a Scottish Hogmanay tradition. Not sure why it necessitates an eye roll?

We have mobile phones these days so you can warn people you are coming.

No excuse unless an emergency (something needing hospital treatment or would be if you did not act, that sort of thing).

So with this first footing does everyone knock on doors of houses that are dark and that they know have toddlers in bed? So you just go round waking people up who may be elderly, asleep, ill, working early next morning? I thought the tradition was that you only went into houses were the door was open or party going on.

Anyway OP has already said that they don't have this tradition where she lives so seems a bit bizarre to just drop in unannounced. If I knew I was going to be driving past and wanted to say happy new year I'd have sent a quick text to see if it was OK first.

The only night of the year it’s ok is NYE

Odd and a bit rude for NYE, completely unacceptable at any other time. Frankly, if anyone called me, or came round between 10pm and 7am, I'd assume either a death or sudden major catastrophe had occurred!

We used to have family friends that did this. If the lights were on then houses were fair game after midnight until about 1.30am 😁

Sadly he died in 2019 so we all caught ourselves going "Oh yeah, I bet *Dave will be here soon" then suddenly having a lump in our throats because he won't ever be here to do that again

I hate getting older.

First footing is traditional here in parts of Liverpool too by the way!

@milou32 because it’s not just a tradition in Scotland.
The eye roll was probably unnecessarily rude so I apologise if it irked you. Like I said, I’m a miserable bastard.