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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it is not ok to turn up at someone's house at 12.45am...

85 replies

MeadowHay · 01/01/2020 14:15

...even if it is NYE?

In law turned up at our house at 12.45am last night with no warning. I was in my PJs in the bathroom, getting ready to go to bed so I just continued to go to bed. DH was downstairs about to come to bed and talked to them for about half an hour, until our toddler woke up crying so they left.

I think that is not ok at all and want DH to tell them so and that if they do it again we just won't answer. Or am I being like a NYE scrooge and should just appreciate the fact that we have family who care enough that they want to come and wish us happy new year?

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 01/01/2020 14:34

Yes, a first footer would be perfectly normal in Scotland. I'd be a bit taken aback to get a visitor at that time down in England though, it just doesn't seem to happen here.

Original poster
MeadowHay · 01/01/2020 14:35

We are all northerners, in the north! Fair enough about if lights had been off however pretty much the first thing DH said was that he was literally about to go to bed (which genuinely was) and relative was like "ahhh noo but we have come to see you!". Whereas surely they could have then said "aww shame ok well happy new year good night" or something rather than insisting on coming in?

Tbf I do realise we are v lucky to have relatives who care enough to want to come and wish us happy new year especially when some people have no one so will definitely try and concentrate on that part!

OP posts:
Redyoyo · 01/01/2020 14:36

Normal here in Scotland if your lights are on its fair game to knock!

Trafalger · 01/01/2020 14:38

I would be majorly pissed off as we were all in bed and asleep by 10.30. So yanbu.

PigletJohn · 01/01/2020 14:45

If you had been partying, you wouldn't have minded and they would have been welcome.

But you weren't and they weren't.

beautifulstranger101 · 01/01/2020 14:49

I'd be pissed off and I'd tell them so. "Hi, this really isn't a good time for you to pop round, we are just going to bed. Can you ring first next time to make sure its convenient for us. Thanks."

How fcking RUDE of them

fuzzymoon · 01/01/2020 14:51

I assume it's a one off time. They made a mistake and I'd doubt they'll repeat it.

It's something you can have a laugh about in the future, teasing them about visiting in the middle of the night.

I think being annoyed by something that happened once and didn't impact you as you still went to bed is OTT.

I'd just laugh it off as a one time daft thing to do.

Mydogmylife · 01/01/2020 14:54

Gosh this really shows the difference in customs in different areas. I'm in Scotland, as a previous poster said if lights are still on you're fair game for first footers. Lights off, don't knock. Have a lovely day today, and be happy you've got folk who want to visit.

beautifulstranger101 · 01/01/2020 14:55

Ive never heard of "first footers" and have no idea what it is (am down south though)

FoamingAtTheUterus · 01/01/2020 14:55

It was new years eve, you were still awake, hell when I was younger it was.normal for friends and relatives to pop in. All the doors on my street would be open.

It's sad that this doesn't tend to happen anymore and I actually think my DC miss out. I still remember being allowed to stay up late on that one night of the year and people coming in to let the new year in and have a drink.......stop being so stuffy. They didn't mean any harm by it.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 01/01/2020 14:58

I also think you were bloody rude for not at least greeting them and having a chat. Hell my mother would have clutched her.pearls so tightly they'd have snapped at that. 😳😳😳

ddl1 · 01/01/2020 15:02

Unless there's a good reason, and they're desperate for help, no, not appropriate, especially if the 'hosts' have young children. Do these people do so regularly, or was it one too many on NYE?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/01/2020 15:04

I was tucked up in bed by 12:45 last night!

KirstyJC · 01/01/2020 15:05

Never heard of first footers!? What is that?

I wad in bed and wouldn't answer.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 01/01/2020 15:08

First footing is a tradition in Scotland. To be the first guest to visit after midnight on NYE. You would usually bring a gift (traditionally a piece of coal) and it brought luck to the recipient.

MummytoCSJH · 01/01/2020 15:12

Since the OP has said she's not in Scotland, all these replies about it being normal in Scotland are irrelevant. No, it's not fine OP, I was up at that time but not partying or expecting visitors - I wouldn't have let them in!

Inhismemory · 01/01/2020 15:13

I'm Scottish and wouldn't have found this unusual. If it's not the norm where you are then I can why you'd be annoyed. I'd just overlook it this once.

didofido · 01/01/2020 15:14

First footers are not only a Scottish custom. We lived in the Midlands and my grandfather was first footer for all the neighbours. To be lucky it had to be a young, dark man, and he carried coal in one hand and salt in the other.

Is this not so now? My grandfather had been very dark as a young man, but I remember him as white-haired, still first-footing. The neighbours were probably too kind to point this out.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 01/01/2020 15:15

I'm not in Scotland, I'm in the northwest / Cumbria and this was very much the normal way of doing things when I was younger.

Mamabear88 · 01/01/2020 15:17

YANBU, I wouldn't have been impressed at all. I was in bed by 10pm so if someone did that to me they'd have had a wasted journey as I wouldn't have answered the door!

BaileysMadeMeDoIt · 01/01/2020 15:19

Seems a strange thing to do, to call on relatives at nearly 1am in the morning, lights on or not, if it's not culturally normal. We rented a cottage in the Scottish highlands for New Year years ago, and it came as a surprise when, come midnight, various neighbours came first footing (we were quite remote but a few cottages dotted about). Once over the confusion we embraced the tradition and shared some drinks and laughs and it was worth the hangover!

MereDintofPandiculation · 01/01/2020 15:20

Since the OP has said she's not in Scotland, all these replies about it being normal in Scotland are irrelevant. First footing isn't just practised in Scotland. My relatives in W Mids used to do it, although they did the cut down version of kicking out one of the men before midnight so they could come and knock on the door just after midnight, bringing a lump of coal. And it had to be a dark haired man for luck.

12.45 is pushing it a bit - chances of being the first visitor that late are slim.

AFemale · 01/01/2020 15:20

In north east and first footing was something almost everyone did on the village I lived, what wasn't so common was driving to a relatives at 12.45 am who has no history of having an open house for footers. I'd have texted at the very least to make sure I'm not knocking a family with a small toddler out of bed.

Cherrysoup · 01/01/2020 15:21

YANBU, that’s ridiculous, especially given you have a toddler and your dh told him he was about to go to bed. I don’t mind people dropping in, but not at that time!

Hepsibar · 01/01/2020 15:27

OMG, are you kidding, they turned up uninvited and it wasnt an emergency ... I'd have been tempted to pour a bucket of water out of the upstairs window ... that's what we do with prowling cats.

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