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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset over what MIL said?

88 replies

navteexo · 01/01/2020 13:26

Hi

Happy new year to you all.

For christmas, me and DH got MIL a new adidas tracksuit. She had been complaining for ages that she doesnt have one and that the last one she ever had was 22 years ago and she would love a new one. Anyways, when she opened up her present on Christmas day, she said "oh, this is really nice. Lovely colour". Then she opened up the present from her daughter, and it was a similar tracksuit but in a different colour. She said in front of everyone, "i prefer this one, the one you got me is too thick, go and return it".
We let it slide, because it was xmas day, and we couldn't be bothered to let anyone upset us (prior to this she had made many random comments in an attempt to upset me on that day but I ignored it)

anyways, we didnt get round to returning it yet. She walks into the living room this morning, complaining about how cold it is. DH jokingly said "well now would be a good time to wear that tracksuit!"
she responds with "what did i tell you to do with that tracksuit? return it, and next time dont buy me cheap and rubbish clothes".

Firstly, it wasnt cheap..for us anyway. We are financially tight and already have a baby on the way, we got what we could afford. I dont think £45 for a tracksuit is that cheap. Secondly, we put thought into this with the colour etc. Thirdly, why call it cheap and rubbish? when your own daughter got you a similar tracksuit?!

The look on DH face when she said that really got to me, he usually speaks up and tells her shes wrong but today hes been really quiet since. I can tell he is genuinely hurt, and so am I. Its like she waits for a special day or occasion to hurt us, its New years and she just couldnt take that me, DH and DS are relaxing watching TV. She just HAD to go and upset us by saying that.

As much as I am trying to let it go, I just cant help but feel down about it. Maybe next time a box of chocolates will be all she is getting. DH's sister gave us a similar reaction too, got her a mascara gift set and she said "oh, mascara, is that it? ..thanks?" and then told us it was a joke. Really?

We are moving out this year, because she is a toxic person and although it is tradition (In their culture) for one of the sons to stay with his parents and look after them, we wont be.

Dont even want to be at home with them today, everything is closed though so dont think we could even go out anywhere today.

sorry for the essay, just wanted to get it off my chest x

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 01/01/2020 13:31

Get out as soon as you can. Totally selfish behaviour. Won’t improve either.

OneDay10 · 01/01/2020 13:33

Yanbu, dont get her anything next year. I would focus on moving out as soon as you can and having very little to do with them after.

Tombliwho · 01/01/2020 13:37

Return the tracksuit and keep the money.

ddl1 · 01/01/2020 13:39

YANBU. She sounds incredibly ungrateful and rude.

Just out of interest: the site is telling me that 113% of posters voted that YANBU! While I entirely agree, how can over 100% vote for something?

billy1966 · 01/01/2020 13:40

Return the tracksuit. Keep the money. Move out.

It really is that simple.
Wishing you well💐

Butterymuffin · 01/01/2020 13:41

Return the tracksuit, buy her a £1 box of chocolates instead, and move out asap.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 01/01/2020 13:42

Return the tracksuit and treat yourselves to something nice instead (a pre-baby date?). Don’t bother getting her anything again. It’s perfectly ok to be disappointed with a present but it’s never ok to be rude about it.

livefornaps · 01/01/2020 13:42

Shit in her bed. Then leave

DowntonCrabby · 01/01/2020 13:43

I hope genuine plans have been laid for for moving out. You can’t raise DC round people with this entitled toxic attitude. Flowers

Letseatgrandma · 01/01/2020 13:43

Return the tracksuit and move out ASAP.

You’re struggling financially, already have a child and another on the way-it all sounds very stressful to be living under one roof! I think I’d have had to move out and rent rather than live with my in laws.

SchoolPanicTime · 01/01/2020 13:45

Well she sounds like a rude, nasty cow who favours her daughter.

Babyfg · 01/01/2020 13:45

All I've got is an image of your mil as vikki pollard in a tracksuit! Return and buy her some humbugs the bitter mare! Focus on your move and how free you'll be

thickwoollytights · 01/01/2020 13:45

Wow. How bloody rude

And how awful for your husband to be related to her

Return the tracksuit and go out for a meal with the proceeds. Just the two of you

Move out and go
Low contact

What an unpleasant woman your MIL is

sayingno · 01/01/2020 13:46

You were lovely and kind, and bought a gift you knew she wanted. If she chose to be a bitch about it, that's fine. Last year we bought for our nephew a beautiful (AND EXPENSIVE) ski jacket (bil&sil asked for it) and then they said they don't like at all. We soon found out they returned it and got the cash. Guess what he gets for presents now: books. He hates themGrin

81Byerley · 01/01/2020 13:48

I wouldn't bother with chocolates, to be honest. What a bitch.

keepingbees · 01/01/2020 13:48

Return it and keep the refund. Don't buy for the ungrateful cow again.

HaileySherman · 01/01/2020 13:51

She sounds like a nasty old wretch if you ask me. Your gift was thoughtful and lovely. You have every right to feel slighted, however I think you should just make it a point to not let her bother you. Sounds like that's the only thing you'd have any control over in this situation. Hsppy New Year!

MumW · 01/01/2020 13:55

Shocking behaviour.
Return the tracksuit and 'forget' to find another gift.
Move out asap.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/01/2020 13:56

She was rude about the gift, she could have asked politely if it could be exchanged for a slightly different one after Christmas Day had passed.

However she is letting you live in her home so she obviously cares and is helping given the state of your finances that you mention and the extra pressure on those that will come with deciding to add an extra child. Can you actually afford to move out?

LumpyPillow · 01/01/2020 13:59

Treat her like the child she is, Do not buy anything in replacement, if she asks just laugh and say, oh dear I couldn't buy you anything else, our taste is so cheap and tacky you see! And smile. I know its hard. But that approach is an alternative to really telling her how disgusting her attitude is, and I know that's often not an option people may want to pursue as it hurts/makes things difficult for their partner.
But you both must find a way of sticking up for yourselves. Even if it's laughing, it really can throw people like that off, it unsettles them. Hope it gets better!

ineedaholidaynow · 01/01/2020 14:01

If it is cultural for a child to live with their parents it might not be because she cares that she is letting them stay. I assume it comes with the strings that she will be looked after in her old age.

MelroseHigginbottom · 01/01/2020 14:01

Return the tracksuit then remark to your DH in front of her how nice it is to have your £45 back and how you won't be wasting money on ungrateful people in the future.

theflushedzebra · 01/01/2020 14:07

Poll shows 100% YANBU. Nobody on Mumsnet thinks yabu - that must a first Grin

YANBU, btw, OP.

paranoidmum2 · 01/01/2020 14:09

Yes, return the tracksuit but don't give her anything else.

Do DH and you do your fair share of the housework? Are you paying them rent?

JosefKeller · 01/01/2020 14:12

she is rude and nasty.

Well done to moving out this year, your life will improve so much.