To feel upset over what MIL said?

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Hi

Happy new year to you all.

For christmas, me and DH got MIL a new adidas tracksuit. She had been complaining for ages that she doesnt have one and that the last one she ever had was 22 years ago and she would love a new one. Anyways, when she opened up her present on Christmas day, she said "oh, this is really nice. Lovely colour". Then she opened up the present from her daughter, and it was a similar tracksuit but in a different colour. She said in front of everyone, "i prefer this one, the one you got me is too thick, go and return it".
We let it slide, because it was xmas day, and we couldn't be bothered to let anyone upset us (prior to this she had made many random comments in an attempt to upset me on that day but I ignored it)

anyways, we didnt get round to returning it yet. She walks into the living room this morning, complaining about how cold it is. DH jokingly said "well now would be a good time to wear that tracksuit!"
she responds with "what did i tell you to do with that tracksuit? return it, and next time dont buy me cheap and rubbish clothes".

Firstly, it wasnt cheap..for us anyway. We are financially tight and already have a baby on the way, we got what we could afford. I dont think £45 for a tracksuit is that cheap. Secondly, we put thought into this with the colour etc. Thirdly, why call it cheap and rubbish? when your own daughter got you a similar tracksuit?!

The look on DH face when she said that really got to me, he usually speaks up and tells her shes wrong but today hes been really quiet since. I can tell he is genuinely hurt, and so am I. Its like she waits for a special day or occasion to hurt us, its New years and she just couldnt take that me, DH and DS are relaxing watching TV. She just HAD to go and upset us by saying that.

As much as I am trying to let it go, I just cant help but feel down about it. Maybe next time a box of chocolates will be all she is getting. DH's sister gave us a similar reaction too, got her a mascara gift set and she said "oh, mascara, is that it? ..thanks?" and then told us it was a joke. Really?

We are moving out this year, because she is a toxic person and although it is tradition (In their culture) for one of the sons to stay with his parents and look after them, we wont be.

Dont even want to be at home with them today, everything is closed though so dont think we could even go out anywhere today.

sorry for the essay, just wanted to get it off my chest x

Good god what a nasty mil and Dd they are 🤬 sadly it's people like this who give us mil a bad name on here. YADNBU I really would get the cash back treat yourselves and replace with a bag of sour sweets

Both mil and sil sound awful. That’s truly appalling behaviour and creates a really toxic environment.

Go out today, even just for a walk and a coffee. Make a plan fur when you can move out and don’t tell anyone else. You don’t need their opinion on it. Do everything possible to save up and go, as fast as you can.

Return the tracksuit and use the money to buy a takeaway and bottle if fizz on moving in day. You deserve it.

Oh, and make sure you move far enough away that neither of them can just ‘drop in’. You don’t need to do them any favours.

Good luck OP

What did MIL & SIL get you & DH?

Firstly, it wasnt cheap..for us anyway.

So sounds like she expects lots of money spent on her. No knock offs?

I can’t help imaging a little old women wearing an Adidas shell suit while watching antiques roadshow

Definitely the sort of behaviour I’d expect off a MIL that takes an interest in wearing tracksuits tbh.

it is tradition (In their culture) for one of the sons to stay with his parents and look after them

He will have been raised with this expectation and it will be a difficult thing for him to break away from. There is probably also an expectation that is should be provide extravagant gifts. Her comments about not buying her cheap rubbish will have stung if he was brought up to provide.

You will have your hands full undoing that cultural conditioning, but YANBU.

If you can get the money back, then put it in your moving out fund.
And try to move out before baby arrives or you will be back here saying she has tsken over.. .

Get out of there, and before the baby comes too - she won't improve once she is a grandmother! Your poor husband. It must be so painful to have a toxic mother. Good luck OP, and have a happy life with your DH and baby in your own place. As for getting her another gift as some have suggested on here, don't bother. She chucked your present back in your faces, so she does not deserve anything else.

She sounds extremely chavvy, ditch her.

There's quite a lot of older Indian ladies in tracksuits and trainers who walk round our local housing estate in the evening as I go for a run.

Try to find the one that her daughter bought her, online and see how much it costs. If it’s around the same price or better still, Cheaper, buy her an identical one, in the same colour. Do that with every single gift you ever give her, that she compares to any other gift. Skill sweetly if she questions it and explain that you’re so impressed by you Sil taste, you just wanted to make sure you got it right every time and you’re very happy to take the lead from your Sil every.single.time. 😁

Skill = smile

What a fucker, wear the tracksuit yourself and keep commenting on how warm and comfy it is. Oh, and move.

Return the tracksuit and keep the money. Do not buy her gifts again because if there’s no pleasure from her in receiving them and certainly no longer any pleasure for you in giving them, there really is no point at all. She’s a spoiled madam and only receiving nothing will open her eyes to her ingratitude at receiving her previous gifts. I actually think she’s disgusting for telling your husband your gift was cheap and to send it back.

Thank you all so much for your replies. Definitely will not be getting her anything this time round. Yes we pay rent and do cooking and housework. She does want us to stick around so that we take care of her and FIL when they get old one day as they dont want to end up in a home. It does work 2 ways though, shes made our lives hell, which is whats driven us away x thanks once again for all your replies xx have a lovely eve

Oh and we didnt get any presents from MIL neither did our DS. the ones under the tree were from other family members. Wow ..she really is a bitch!

Return the tracksuit,keep the money and don't get her anything else. She sounds rude and unpleasant.

How rude, yanbu. Maybe your husband can suggest to her that from now on, you're having a no present agreement. That way, you won't upset her or sis in law with your gifts and therefore save her and you heartache. Stick to it.

@livefornaps
Haha fantastic, but you know eat caviar and fancy things before pooping then wrap it in gold leaf for her highness

Looooooollll!!!

Run for the hills.

In future a token gift of chocolates or bath stuff will do. If she complains it's tough.

Return the tracksuit and keep the money, rather shocked by her reaction as it sounds like the only problem she had was her desire to get a rise out of you. That's a awfully toxic environment specially to bring children up in!

Firstly, she's nasty and you need to get away from her asap. When you're leaving, remind her that "what goes around comes around!"

However - I'm shocked by the snobbish sneery attitudes of some posters on here. I'm a grandmother; I wear tracksuits. I hadn't realised that there was an upper age limit on wearing them?

Wow that is so rude OP. Has she got some sort of dementia? Seems very off for anyone to say that. Definitely return the tracksuit and go out for a nice New Years meal!

However - I'm shocked by the snobbish sneery attitudes ofsomeposters on here. I'm a grandmother; I wear tracksuits. I hadn't realised that there was an upper age limit on wearing them?

No upper age limit- they look ridiculous on any age group - unless you actually are an athlete or sportsperson.