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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument at National Heritage site

114 replies

EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 15:13

Took DD to an abandoned Medieval village this morning. Nothing much there other than old foundations, info boards and the ruins of an old church dating back to 1200s.

When we got to the church there was a huge family there with kids running in and out of the church, slamming the (massive solid wood) door, climbing in and out of the windows screaming and running wild. DD asked if she could go and play in the church and I said no as it was very very old and needed looking after. DD obviously replied “but they are!” So I said “yes well they shouldn’t be”. Unbeknown to me one of their relatives was right behind me and asked if I had a problem with children playing. I said “not at all but I don’t agree with letting them slam the door and climb through the windows. There isn’t much left of the church as it is, we should be protecting it”. The woman then said “the church has stood here since the 11th century yet you think a group of small children can knock it down?”

At this point I tried to end the convo and said “knock it down, no. Damage it further, maybe. Bear in mind this is also a burial ground. Anyway, sorry if I offended you, I would just hate to see it get damaged”. I then started walking away. She followed and said I was out of order and it’s a shame my child isn’t allowed to play!!

WIBU?? I wasn’t rude, just didn’t agree with using an ancient ruin as a climbing frame!! But then I am a massive history geek so maybe I shouldn’t have said anything?

OP posts:
ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 31/12/2019 15:17

YANBU. Apart from anything else, the relative butted in on your private conversation when you'd done nothing more but express mild disapproval. Anyway, it's not a playground. It's probably quite dangerous for the children to be climbing on it, as well as damaging to the property.

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/12/2019 15:20

YANBU.
The relative was BVU to interject and criticise your parenting decisions and then follow you & harass you.

That said, I’d have no issue with children running wild in a ruin. Half of Europe is sitting on a heritage site so it’s unavoidable really. Richard III was buried under a car park for centuries for example. Have to make allowances for the living.

I wouldn’t have confronted you though like that relative did. And you behaved perfectly reasonably.

Lockheart · 31/12/2019 15:21

YANBU. It would have been worthwhile calling either English heritage or the National Trust (whoever manages the site) whilst it was going on.

When I worked for English Heritage as part of the curatorial team, part of my remit was getting duty wardens out to local unmanned sites if there was disturbance reported. We had kids climbing walls in a ruined abbey that looked safe but which could be quite fragile, for example.

If they were climbing through windows then the duty wardens would have certainly come out to stop it!

thejollyroger · 31/12/2019 15:22

YANBU. The woman was probably just embarrassed, though.

Original poster
EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 15:25

It’s not like I expect everyone to walk around it silence ... it’s all out in the open with no protection (anyone can go in at any time of day or night). I went once and found the remains of a bonfire actually in the church with beer cans all over so obviously someone had had a midnight party there. I just find it so sad.

Let the kids play knights or whatever it is they’re playing but don’t slam around and climb all over it, surely?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 31/12/2019 15:26

YANBU. It sounds as though the other family's children were behaving appallingly and I would have been very annoyed if I'd seen kids behaving like that at an ancient monument.

Lockheart · 31/12/2019 15:27

@PlanDeRaccordement ruins can be dangerous to children (and adults!) and vice versa. It's best not to let children run wild where there is potentially crumbly architecture which can fall, and this is why on most sites you'll see signs asking you not to walk or climb on the walls.

Original poster
EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 15:28

Oh it wasn’t just the kids, the adults were chasing them around the church and surrounding area! The adults were not climbing or slamming but they were encouraging it and joining in with the game

OP posts:
Lockheart · 31/12/2019 15:29

@EatGrassAndPuke if you're seeing evidence of fires etc I'd really encourage you to report this to whichever charity manages the site. They'll need to assess if there's been any damage and potentially reassess how they manage access to the site.

ShawshanksRedemption · 31/12/2019 15:38

YANBU. The kids weren't just playing but banging the old wooden door and climbing through windows. That's just disrespectful of what the site is about - history.

Vulpine · 31/12/2019 15:43

You lost me at 'huge family'

Original poster
EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 15:45

Family with lots of kids then (for the professionally offended). I.e many kids running riot around an ancient building as opposed to just two kids playing tig

OP posts:
DuploTower · 31/12/2019 15:46

Ruins can be pretty dangerous though, falling masonry ect, I don't let mine clamber around on them

PumpkinPie2016 · 31/12/2019 15:51

YANBU - slamming doors and climbing through windows isn't just playing - it can cause damage to the building (or the individual!). These ruins can be fragile and need to be treated with care.

Vulpine why? I don't think OP meant anything by it - they were just pointing out that it was a large group/family rather than one or two children which may have been quite different.

PineappleDanish · 31/12/2019 15:57

Some people are just philistines with no appreciation for the past whatsoever. I'd include some members of my extended family in that, no interest in heritage, or history, or anything which happened before their lifetime. Totally irrelevant to them and yes they'd let their kids run all over something like that because they do not perceive it as special or valuable in any way.

Can't really blame the kids, it's the parents' fault.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/12/2019 16:02

Is it managed by anyone? Are there signs? Usually there are, asking people not to climb as delicate and not safe. Those would / should set people's expectations.

Equanimitas · 31/12/2019 16:02

If children playing was likely to cause damage, I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed in or the relevant areas would be fenced off.

BaolFan · 31/12/2019 16:04

And at the point where she followed me I'd have turned round and said that it's a shame you can't mind your own business and concentrate on your own family rather than sticking your beak into mine. But then I can be quite hard faced.

Hepsibar · 31/12/2019 16:07

If a chunk of wall lands on one of her kids, I imagine she will be suing!

I believe you are right to encourage your child to treat heritage sites with respect ... the fact they didnt is a reflection on them.

royalton · 31/12/2019 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 16:16

Yes @royalton - hoping you’re not the woman! 😂

OP posts:
Moonsick · 31/12/2019 16:43

YANBU. They were entirely in the wrong.

Aloe6 · 31/12/2019 17:28

Yanbu. They sound like hooligans.

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 31/12/2019 17:44

What a dreadful creature she was. You sound as if you were very restrained while responding to this Yahoo and her yelping.

A great pity one of her brood didn't trip over or fall from something and begin whining at the perfect moment!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 31/12/2019 17:46

Hate that kind of behaviour at ancient monuments - it’s not a playground!