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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument at National Heritage site

114 replies

EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 15:13

Took DD to an abandoned Medieval village this morning. Nothing much there other than old foundations, info boards and the ruins of an old church dating back to 1200s.

When we got to the church there was a huge family there with kids running in and out of the church, slamming the (massive solid wood) door, climbing in and out of the windows screaming and running wild. DD asked if she could go and play in the church and I said no as it was very very old and needed looking after. DD obviously replied “but they are!” So I said “yes well they shouldn’t be”. Unbeknown to me one of their relatives was right behind me and asked if I had a problem with children playing. I said “not at all but I don’t agree with letting them slam the door and climb through the windows. There isn’t much left of the church as it is, we should be protecting it”. The woman then said “the church has stood here since the 11th century yet you think a group of small children can knock it down?”

At this point I tried to end the convo and said “knock it down, no. Damage it further, maybe. Bear in mind this is also a burial ground. Anyway, sorry if I offended you, I would just hate to see it get damaged”. I then started walking away. She followed and said I was out of order and it’s a shame my child isn’t allowed to play!!

WIBU?? I wasn’t rude, just didn’t agree with using an ancient ruin as a climbing frame!! But then I am a massive history geek so maybe I shouldn’t have said anything?

OP posts:
SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 31/12/2019 17:47

Hardly an argument was it?

Afrigginggoat · 31/12/2019 17:52

I'm a massive history geek but I still let my children play on ruins. They are unlikely to do damage and you were certainly unreasonable to take your poor kid to muddy and dull Wharram Percy (yes I have visited) when they could have been nice and warm inside with a good dvd. Poor lamb, I bet she didn't get any cake either.

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 31/12/2019 17:52

Yes, it was an argument.

OP doesn't think that an important site, graveyard and church shouldn't be used as a free for all for a band of kids.

Yahoo thought it was a playground. Yahoo had the cheek to make this view known and try to defend it.

Yahoo should stick to shopping centres, soft play and family supermarket trips.

Op won the argument.

FruitcakeOfHate · 31/12/2019 17:55

I'm a massive history geek but I still let my children play on ruins.

That may be unstable and topple on them. Hmm

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 31/12/2019 17:59

"Unlikely" to do do damage doesn't mean they won't and it is a cumulative effect.

Your child may be one of thousands to do that and it will all add up-every little helps said the old woman as she pissed in the sea.

Anyone who understands and has a feel history-don't know if that is a geek or not-respects it.

Boom45 · 31/12/2019 18:06

See, I'm a bit guilty of letting my children climb and explore in old places. Not on anything that has signs saying you can't or anything but I used to live very close to a ruined castle and we would clamber all over it as kids. The damage done to it was all done by fire and people pinching the stone to build houses not kids playing knights and raiders or whatever we did so I never think it's a problem - especially these days when so fenced off and out of bounds (I assume if it was dangerous or fragile someone would've protected it). The castle we clambered on now has a fancy visitors centre and you have to pay to get in but lots of kids still mess around on the ruins when they're in without any staff asking them to stop unless they get too high.
If I'd heard you I would probably have just rolled my eyes and not started a public spat about it though.

lazyarse123 · 31/12/2019 18:12

Yanbu, I was talking to a friend today and we were saying how sad it is that a lack of manners and respect for both people and things is very prevalent in todays society.

WrongKindOfFace · 31/12/2019 18:25

People shouldn’t allow or encourage behaviour that could damage the building or the children. Fine to play, not fine to climb on the building or slam doors.

MintyMabel · 31/12/2019 18:30

YABU, if it were a problem, those in charge of the site would put a stop to it.

Fine to teach your child that you don’t think she should do it, but to do so by berating others is out of order. A simple “I don’t want you to do it” would suffice.

Geschwister4 · 31/12/2019 18:38

It is a scheduled monument, so it is actually an offence to damage it in any way. Slamming doors and climbing through windows could very much damage the church. Well done to you OP for calling her out on it.

Fr0g · 31/12/2019 18:42

Once had similar when I made a comment to a family letting their children climb an ancient tree at kew (except I didnt have children with me) - the Father was very aggressive.
Replied that I hope the branch cracked & children fell, then reported them.

listentothisitstoogoodtomiss · 31/12/2019 18:44

@Afrigginggoat

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-44520024

Absolutely no chance I’d let my child play on ruins of any kind

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 31/12/2019 18:45

Have a look at what damage is done to Hadrians Wall every single year by people walking on it - despite the signs asking them not to. Yes, it's ancient, yes, it's lasted this long, but it is in need of constant repairs because 'what harm will my DC do?'

Imagine if every visitor to every site thought that. I get quite het up about this sort of thing...

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 31/12/2019 18:48

"Op won the argument."
OP said their bit then walked away. They didn't "win" anything.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/12/2019 18:48

I don’t know why these selfish arses even bother going to visit old historical ruins, if they’re not going to respect them. Lazy bloody parents that can’t be arsed controlling their offspring, so they take the easy option and let them act like little louts, disturbing those of us who want to admire the buildings. If they’re bored, take them to a playground.

MintyMabel · 31/12/2019 18:49

@listentothisitstoogoodtomiss

That was a headstone from the 20s in a cemetery. A far cry from a centuries old ruin of a building.

TitianaTitsling · 31/12/2019 18:49

listen that's what l was going to link to, absolutely tragic-

Dozer · 31/12/2019 18:54

Not a “ruin” IMO if it has a door!

If it’s not protected it’s likely it’ll be damaged because some people can be dicks sometimes.

1forAll74 · 31/12/2019 18:59

Sounds like an odd ball,and unruly family,who don't care about these treasured places. Lots of people don't respect nice areas,these people should have just gone for a run in a field somewhere !

FrancisCrawford · 31/12/2019 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOpens · 31/12/2019 19:08

It's a shame how some people behave and then worse is they teach their children to behave the same way. Also she shouldn't have confronted you and she definitely shouldn't have followed you when you were trying to leave. I agree with pp that you should report all of this to National Heritage. Unlikely they can do anything about what happened today but if these kind of incidents are reported regularly then maybe they can come up with some sort of plan going forward?

Original poster
EatGrassAndPuke · 31/12/2019 20:01

The door has been put there recently (by recently i mean past 20 years). It’s not the original door

OP posts:
paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 31/12/2019 20:49

@MintyMabel

Why should it be someone in authority(and by the way English Heritage don't have people positioned at ancient sites because they rely on people having respect and not having to be policed)to teach a mannerless woman to put manners on her mannerless kids.

It takes a village-sometimes an ancient village- to teach those of us who don't know how to behave, how to do so.

It is a sad indictment on you that unless there is someone wandering around in a peaked hat carrying a big red notice, that you and millions of individuals like you-think you can carry on how you like.

It is because of these fuckers that monuments like Stonehenge are so fenced off because entitled arseholes would let their kids swing off the stones if they were able to wander freely amongst them.

Idiots that should stick to shopping malls and soft play centres.

MintyMabel · 31/12/2019 21:35

@Paulinespectacularlymissesthe point

IF it were a problem staff WOULD have stepped in.

If they are happy to let it happen, OP has no business telling them what to do.

Lockheart · 31/12/2019 21:37

I've already posted several times on the first page of this thread, but can I just pop back in to say it's either English Heritage OR the National Trust. They are two separate charities (EH is part of an ex-govt body which is now a charity; the remaining government part is now called Historic England).

There is no such thing as 'National Heritage'.

As you were! Grin

Wharram Percy is an EH site. If you'd like to report this OP, I'd recommend you get in touch with the Tanner Row office in York. They'll either be able to sort it themselves or they'll be able to direct you further.