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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP to refurbish house?

85 replies

Lily7050 · 30/12/2019 23:51

When DS was born DP insisted on settling DS in his house. I have my own flat with mortgage. DP insisted on urgently renting out my flat to cover mortgage payment. DP's house has not been refurbished for over 10 years. DP is not a classic hoarder but he accumulated a lot of stuff in his house over the year.
It looks like there are quite a few mice running house. DS is just 7 month old and I do not feel comfortable having a child in the house with mice infestation. DP thinks that mice are not dangerous to the child and mouse traps would resolve the problem but I know he tried traps earlier without much success.
AIBU wanting to call professional services and get rid of mice asap?
I am prepared to pay for the service as well as for new furniture and house redecoration as I find it unpleasant to live in the house in its current state.
The boiler is around 30 years old and has not been serviced for a few years. It still works but kind of on autopilot. In summer DP was unable to turn the heating off from the boiler. The boiler is located in the little cupboard adjacent to DS's bedroom.
I have ordered a carbon monoxide alarm but not sure if AIBU insisting DP to arrange boiler service or to arrange it myself?

Tbh, when DP insisted on settling DS in his house he promised to tidy up the house. However, now he puts minimum effort and does not want to refurbish the house.
I had to threaten DP that I would move out with DS to make DP to clean the little bedroom from old stuff stored there.

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 31/12/2019 00:19

Tbh I’d move out, no way would I feel comfortable living with mice and a baby.
Also the boiler would really bother me, however I’m over cautious with carbon monoxide and wouldn’t rent or buy a house with a boiler in a bedroom.

Also tight people are hard to live with as it’s sucks the joy out of everything.

pollyglot · 31/12/2019 00:22

Do you have any say in this relationship? If he has forced you to give up your autonomy in your own flat, and therefore you have to live in his, you have the right to make it comfortable and safe for you and baby. Mice infestations ARE dangerous, as are dodgy boilers. Get someone in to do the work, and send the bill to him. If you don't like the decoration, why not do some painting yourself? Make the place more homely for you, and more to your taste. You can always take your purchases with you ... I don't think his attitude augurs well in the longterm.

Thehop · 31/12/2019 00:24

Your DP doesn’t care what you think, or that you’re unhappy, or care about your comfort.

I’d leave....not because of paint, but because he doesn’t care about you.

BitchyArriver · 31/12/2019 00:25

If you were privately renting from DP the council would come down on him like a ton of bricks, just saying. YANBU!!!

FeigningHorror · 31/12/2019 00:26

So you weren’t living together before your child was born? Your boyfriend seems to be doing a lot of ‘insisting’, and why are you paying for the renovation of his shitty house?

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 31/12/2019 00:26

So he gets to dictate where you live, pay the mortgage with your rental income and he won't make or pay for necessary safety changes? Fuck that. Leave, take your baby and move back to your own flat, cleanliness and safety.
It seems he is saving a lot of money off your back. Are you on the deeds?
No, mice are not risk free. Poo and pee, wires being chewed etc.how can he not see that?

gamerchick · 31/12/2019 00:29

Are you joking? You have a child, sleeping in a room near an ancient boiler that hasn't been serviced for years and you're banging on about mice? Hmm

Move out.

sofaandchoc · 31/12/2019 00:30

I'd move. Even if you put mouse traps down DS will soon be crawling (if not already) and I wouldn't want him finding a mouse trap or droppings.

Seems an odd set up, like it's "his" home, why are you not treating it like a shared home considering you have a DS?

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 31/12/2019 00:33

You need some mouse traps, possibly poison. You don't need the house to be refurbished!

DeRigueurMortis · 31/12/2019 00:36

You agreed to move in on the basis he would re-furb the house.

He hasn't done so.

What he's got is extra income from your flat rental.

Give your tenant notice and move into your flat - don't tell "D"P what your plan is.

Move out and say you'll move back when (and only when) he's made the house safe and habitable for your child.

I expect you'll be waiting a long time....red flag, what sort of person is ok with their child living in a house with vermin?

AbbieLexie · 31/12/2019 00:38

Why Why Why - are you with him / putting your child in this situation - move back to your own place asap.

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2019 00:43

Give your tenant whatever notice is required and move back to your flat. Let your partner live in his own squalor

GreenTulips · 31/12/2019 00:47

Nice wee everywhere it’s really unclean.

Why didn’t you insist he refurbs before the baby came? Move out and reset the boundaries.

Original poster
Lily7050 · 31/12/2019 00:54

Thank you ladies.
I was thinking I was unreasonable.
We had family support people vising the house for the past 6 months but they did not manage to get my partner to make noticeable improvements. Also they notice neither mice nor the old boiler.
"Why why why?" - because the partner is the father of DS.
I will start with calling boiler service and pest control.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 31/12/2019 01:07

Ring the council, they deal with pests and it’s a fixed fee.

Booberella9 · 31/12/2019 01:11

Does this man have a job? Somehow he is able to make phone calls and plan ahead, meet deadlines, follow safety rules etc. But not when it relates to his own child?

Get a grip, he cannot force you to live there or to pay for it to be fixed. You already have a flat, listen to the advice above and move back to it please!

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 31/12/2019 01:15

So you’re paying a mortgage on a house you don’t own and now you’re going to pay to refurbish it, while he sits on his hole. You realise when you finally wise up and leave the selfish git, you’ll have absolutely nothing, don’t you?

PaperbackBlighter · 31/12/2019 01:19

OP, are you and your partner very young? I just ask because you seem very deferential to him. Do you have family support?

Original poster
Lily7050 · 31/12/2019 01:42

GreenTulips, thanks for advice re. council. Do they do mouse proofing as well?
No, we are not young. My partner repaid his house mortgage years ago.
I am still paying mortgage on my flat.
It is not that easy to evict the tenant from my flat. I will have to get a court order and it will take about 6 months to evict the tenant.
As I said I will try to get pest control and boiler service done. If my partner objects it would be quicker to rent another place.

I have told the Family support people about boiler and mice but they do not seem to be very worried. Moreover, when they visited house they were saying "the house was not bad".
My partner has a lot of friends. Many of them visited the house but no one made an issues of the state of the house. I think that's why when I complain to him he thinks I am unreasonable.

OP posts:
AJGranny · 31/12/2019 01:49

Who are the 'family support' people??
You haven't paid attention to the advice given to you, DON'T pay/order boiler repairs or pest control. It's his place, his child and his promise to do the work. He should be paying and arranging these things.

TheABC · 31/12/2019 01:50

Why does he value your friends opinion over your own? You sodding live there!

You and DS deserve a safe and pleasant place to live. Don't accept this. Right now he is still immobile. What happens when he starts crawling and sticking things in his mouth?

Get DH to commit to a refurbished timeline and move out until its done.

AJGranny · 31/12/2019 01:50

Oh, and you only need to evict your tenants if they refuse to go when the rental contract finishes. Have they refused to leave??

Original poster
Lily7050 · 31/12/2019 01:59

AJGranny, the rental contract is for 24 months so long way before it finishes. Understood re. pest control and boiler.

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 31/12/2019 02:00

Mouse infestations can also lead to electrical fires.

AJGranny · 31/12/2019 02:07

Do you have any excess cash leftover from your rental income? Perhaps there's enough for you to rent a studio or one bedroom flat for you and baby? The current situation sounds unbearable. We had mice in our building, my neighbour even found one climbing up his daughters cot. I had one in my bed and my dirty laundry basket. Filthy! Luckily my cats control the situation now.