to report her missing?

[Worried877]

Long story short -

was best friends with this woman, let's call her A. We were absolutely thick as thieves. She supported me through the death of my husband, we were incredibly close and the kids all played nicely. I did loads for her too.

I moved away in March 2018, only a 30 min drive, but my kids moved school. Then A got pregnant, settled down etc so I saw her less, naturally. I then got a full-time job so saw her even less, and I know she felt unsupported in the pregnancy because she was struggling with her other kids and her pregnancy but I couldn't help as I worked full time and due to the distance couldn't have her kids overnight (as they would need to be in school for 8.45 and so did mine, and with traffic that's at least 60 minutes drive apart)

We were still in contact most days, and if ever a few days went with no contact we'd check in with each other.

So she has baby in June this year, I met the baby and things were ok. I saw the baby twice that month, then didn't see A all over the summer holidays as I was still working etc. In fact, I didn't see her again.

She got herself a new car (I might add that A is 'dodgy' sometimes) and asked if I'd insure it, with her as named driver, the idea being we could both use the car if needed, so I did. She was paying me monthly to cover the insurance. She then crashed the car and didn't tell me. I got a phone call saying there was a claim and that my No-Claims would be affected (I have 15 years but it's "in use" on my car). I phoned her, she apologised and agreed to sort it.

Fast forward a few months, her premium rose due to the claim, she stopped paying me. I then ended up having my bills bounce while waiting for her to pay me. After this happening at least twice, and me being charged by the companies for the bills bouncing, I cancelled the direct debit. Obviously the car insurance wouldn't accept that, and demanded the rest of the year's premium.

I admit I did go on at her and send her lots of rambling messages about how she needed to find the money because I was living off air, all my money was absorbed by my bills and charges thanks to her (I don't earn a lot, so for example, paying £11 pet insurance is ok, but paying £11 + £25 fee for it bouncing is NOT ok). I did insist she sort it immediately. I didn't get angry, but I did vent a lot at her.

To her credit she did apologise. By this point it was October, I hadn't seen her since June. She told me she was pregnant and having an abortion so I backed off. We were still in contact though. I then called her and she said she was back in hospital with complications from the abortion and would phone me back.

I didn't hear back from her. So I drove to her house, nobody home. I called her other friend. who hadn't heard from her. Her boyfriend didn't answer the phone or messages. At this point I'm panicking as she has an ex who is on the run for beating her and leaving her for dead, I'm thinking he's got her. I messaged her boyfriend saying I was reporting her missing.

Low and behold I then get a text from her, saying she's not in a good place, her support has faded, she's split with her boyfriend and nobody can help her, her life is just a mess and that she needs to move out of her house (I knew this already as it was infested with mould). I did what any good friend would do, offered my support and for her to move in with me for a while til she gets back on her feet. Her reply was that she would speak to me later. I messaged her again over the next few days saying I was worried etc and I'd be coming round to see her, and she finally replied not to worry about her, that she was dealing with it, that she was going away for a week before she ended up mad.

That's the last I heard from her, 2 months ago. The last time I spoke to her 3 months ago.

I tried calling but she'd blocked me. Blocked me on whatsapp. I then asked her boyfriend why, and she unblocked my number (but not on whatsapp). She still didn't answer the phone.

Her boyfriend says they're trying to work it out (tbh I doubt they ever split up!). Her friend now blanks me. Her brother lives in New York but says she''s in contact with him. I've messaged him a few times, he's said she's ok and even said I was a good friend!

Less than a week after that, her brother's now blanking me and took me off social media! A put me on 'restricted' on facebook so I can't see her social media.

Her boyfriend is the only one who still speaks to me (for now) which I suspect is so I don't report her missing or anything.

This is so unlike her, as far as I know, other than messaging her too much before about the money she owes me, and messaging too much now (which is always just saying I'm worried, that I miss her etc) I can't see I've done anything wrong?!!!

And to make it all worse - I called her today, a man answered, said he'd just found the phone and was keeping it - wouldn't say where, pretended not to know who A was etc. It sounded fake as hell which makes me think either she''s in real trouble, or she's done it to stop me calling her.

AIBU to report her missing? Or shall I just leave it?

You are aware that what you did with the car insurance is illegal don't you? If the insurance company found out you would be done for fraud and her not contacting you would be the least of your worries. I cannot believe you could have been so foolish however long you have known her. Her going NC probably means she knows you are both up shit creek without a paddle...

She’s not missing just avoiding you for whatever reason. She still has your number. If she wants your help she’ll call you.

She’s had a field day with you frankly. :(

Sorry you’ve learnt the hard way, you shouldn’t ever mess with insurance as what you did could invalidate it, including yours and even your home insurance. I’ve worked within insurance, my job was to find loop holes so my company didn’t have to pay out.

If you are genuinely worried about her safety then report it. I would.

You've committed insurance fraud, OP. Unknowingly, but that's no defence in court. It isn't legal to pretend to be a main driver if you are not. I worked as an insurance agent and had so many parents try and front their child's insurance by pretending to be the main driver, often bluntly saying 'I'll be the named driver because I'll be cheaper, but DC will use it'. It's against the law.

If you report her missing, which she isn't, I'd leave that part out, and hope she doesn't tell the police when they easily find her.

You have committed insurance fraud, OP, as you weren't the main driver of the car....(did you even drive it once?)

Whilst in an ideal world your "friend" would pay up, that's unlikely to happen....but equally, she's not a friend. She encouraged you to commit insurance fraud and then left you high and dry when it all went wrong.

Equally, though, if you were genuinely worried about her then you could have found some time to see her on your days off or evenings. She may have been struggling...you'll never know.

Either way, unless you think her boyfriend has harmed/killed her, then I wouldn't report her missing.

And this is why I refuse to enter into any kind of arrangement of that kind. Sadly, you learned a very expensive lesson here.

Theres no grounds for reporting her missing. The Police wouldnt entertain you in the circumstances you've outlined.

Shes avoiding you because she owes you money. Looks like you'll need to write that and your friendship off

I'm sorry op. This woman has taken advantage of your kindness.
Please don't be talked into dodgy schemes going forward. What you did was very unwise.

I can't believe you are so worried about your friend and don't seem remotely worried about the insurance and the crash and the claim by the other person. Do you know what the claim is? What your increased premium will be? What exactly is happening with the payments. You seem to think they are all your friends problem but as named driver it is your problem. Your friend is avoiding you because she f'd you over. Forget about her and start worrying about the insurance and the claim.

Insurance fraud is a serious matter for the rest of your life. Apart from a conviction in court, it could impact your ability to get any sort of insurance: life, house, car, travel in the future. In your position, I would find the money to settle the car balance and walk away from this sorry mess with the certain knowledge that your friend is a class A user. No self respecting person would do the dirty on you in these circumstances. Stop chasing her as she is ghosting you so you don't get your money back, and don't tell any of her contacts on social media about her character rendering them vulnerable to her future scams. She put a value on your friendship which equalled the balance of the car insurance...that is exactly how much you were worth to her.

It is hurtful when people betray your trust. I dumped a boyfriend a few months ago for being a user. These people do not change as they don't have normal conscience or morality. Never put yourself in a difficult financial circumstance with anyone, it is prone to end badly! Walk away and learn a life lesson.

I’m afraid you are probably liable for paying the insurance premium, particularly since they paid out for her crash.
She’s ignoring you, because she owes you money, and is not missing or dead in a ditch somewhere.
You have committed insurance fraud (fronting) and have wrecked your credit rating (returned direct debits) and put yourself in debt (her insurance premium).
You’d do better to think about dropping this friendship.

You sound really nice and a bit naive. Her life is a mess, she owes you money. You're not much use to her as you are busy and don't live near by. She might be the sort of person who only invests in friendships which are of use to her. Sorry OP, sounds like she's moved on and left you in the shit over the insurance.

It's not a crime to own a car and be the 'keeper' on the log book but have it insured by someone else and be a named driver as far as I know. The name on the log book is the keeper, and the insured person(s) can be someone else.
Correct me if I am wrong.

What is fraud is if the address given for the insurance - where the car is kept mostly- is incorrect as postcode is directly linked to premiums, as is the main driver.

I assume the friend could not get insurance in her own name for some reason which is why she asked the OP.

You can cancel the insurance, but you will still need to repay the outstanding debt for the missed payments.

If she has the car she needs to know it is uninsured.

You need to leave your friend alone. she's made it clear she doesn't want to see or speak to you and with 'friends' like that whosee partners or ex's are on the run why would you want any involvement? They sound like scum, to be blunt.

What is fraud is if the address given for the insurance - where the car is kept mostly- is incorrect as postcode is directly linked to premiums, as is the main driver.

The crime is naming a person as a main 'named' driver when they are not the main driver. It's equally illegal if you do it from the same address, ie. a mother pretending she is the main driver of her daughter's car, even if they live at the same address. There are other factors in calculating the premium other than address - the age, experience and history of a driver, for example.

You will heed to pay the full year's insurance , otherwise the claim would be invalid. I hope you were both honest about that claim or it will cone back on you.

Pay the insurance company as soon as you can - do not make them take legal action. You have committed fraud.

all very long and convoluted

She is not your friend. She used you. She just doesn't want to pay you

It sounds as though you've been a little...overzealous with the constant contact. I know she owes you money but it honestly doesn't sound like you're going to get it back. I would just contact the car insurance company, set up a payment plan and write the friendship off.

Shes not missing shes ghosting you and what you did with the insurance was fronting and its illegal id be more worried about that

Look, she doesn’t want to talk to you. Sucks but she clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you.

If you want your money/fees back, you’ll have to take her to court

I doubt she’s missing or in danger, as it seems like she’s legitimately ignoring your over the insurance/money situation

It wasn't intentional fraud - the intent was that I would use the car most as I was commuting to work when I was working nights in a pub and she would use it for school runs and errands. So it was shared reasonably equally. I had no idea that within a few weeks she'd stop seeing me. During the time the insurance was being paid, I was continuously trying to see her, so I didn't know that the situation would change long-term. When she stopped seeing me and stopped paying the insurance, I then cancelled the direct debit.

The claim I believe was paid - although it seemed they were chasing me for the claim, so I made it clear I absolutely was not driving and proved it with my employer's records. I don't think she gave my name as driver but she certainly didn't contact them at all, I had to deal with it all.

I did try to support her in her pregnancy - but I couldn't babysit her kids like she wanted because I work full time, so it would mean collecting them at 7pm and returning them a few hours later. My kids go to bed at 7pm and I'm a widow with absolutely no family, so it wasn't an option. And weekends she normally went to her boyfriend's family or asked me to have them overnight, which I couldn''t as I worked (my best friend runs a pub so I'd take the kids and work there, while she looked after them).

I should have tried to make more time for her and the kids, and I did try, but on the occasions I was free she would make excuses. I even booked a day's annual leave to see her but she made an excuse.

We had a night out once when she was pregnant - I had her kids stay over, and paid the babysitter to watch all our kids. She didn't chip in, I paid it all. That's how desperate I was to spend time with her.

I now know there's a reason she wanted to be named on my insurance - she has racked up a ton of points and quite possibly just lost her licence. At least some of those points were drink driving and no-insurance. I didn't know this at the time obviously. In fact, she said the opposite, she said she'd never even had a crash let alone anything else.

Of course she said it was you why else would they be chasing you -if she had said she was driving theyd give her the fine/points

@Worried877 You are telling us now that we have pointed out that you've committed insurance fraud "It wasn't intentional fraud - the intent was that I would use the car most as I was commuting to work when I was working nights in a pub and she would use it for school runs and errands. So it was shared reasonably equally." but are you forgetting that you've already told us that your (I have 15 years but it's "in use" on my car). in your original post???

Stop lying! You've committed a crime and have the cheek to call your friend dodgy...