AIBU to expect my 10 year old to be able to..

[PennyHoffsteader]

Pack his own overnight bag with things he needs for an overnight stay at his grandparents?!

He didn't...btw. And I got it in the ear for not checking!! I'd spent all morning cleaning his sister's bedroom (twin girls age 9 in Jan) cause it was a pig sty after Christmas 🙄

To add a bit more context, DS is on the ASD spectrum. Asperger's. He will spend all day every day playing computer games or watching YouTube videos if not monitored. (Thank God for remote access to be able to switch things off when they refuse to get off things!)

Am I BU?!

No. You’re not.

My 12yo still can't do this reliably, despite doing it every other weekend. He's perfectly capable in other respects, but can't remember everything he needs to pack.

Have you ever shown him? Yes he's old enough but if you've always done it and then one day gone do it yourself he is bound to forget things! I'm an adult and even I write a little list to make sure I forget nothing.

YANBU to expect him to able to pack his bag if you’ve shown him and worked up to it since he was little at a level appropriate to his needs.

YABU to expect him to be able to if you haven’t done so.

I would still check it just in case.
But if that case your 9 years old twins can tidy their room surely.

You are not at all unreasonable!

And the twins shud be tidying their own room at 9.

*should

Do you not say "have you got your bag" before you leave?
My ASD 10 Yr old would leave the house without shoes if not reminded to put them on tho

YABU prioritising the DD's room over the bag packing.
Yes he can pack but at age 10 I would expect to check it, mainly because it will fall to someone else to make good any omissions if I don't.
At age 9 I'd expect dc to be tidying their own rooms.

The Asd makes it more difficult.
I would not get involved in my dds 9 & 11 packing their bag, and if they forget anything, that's their own problem. Littlest dd forgot her rabbits once, but didn't do it again. They don't have asd though.

My daughter is on the spectrum and at 15 I still have to help as I know she will forget things unintentionally, maybe make him a check list of things he would need to pack for future sleep overs I find this is a help x

Reliably? No. Mainly because a lot of adults still forget random things and if they don't that involved several lists ,checking,checking again saying the list out loud, checking with a partner and years of experience.

Ability to put in basics like pants,socks phone charger and toothbrush? Yes, but it won't kill you or make him into an unreliable man child if you check with him the first few times.

The twins should definitely be able to clean their own room though.

Last time ds 10 packed he could not find pants so took extra socks instead!!

I would have checked to make sure he had everything.

DS is 10 and has ADHD and he would forget things if I left him to do it on his own. I sit on the bed and list what he needs, then he packs it

If he has Asperger's, it's a big ask. I wouldn't trust my NT 12yo to pack everything she needed, I just asked her if she'd be able to do it, she said, "I could try." She even forgets what she needs for school.

I know adults that are still shit at packing for themselves.

A 10 year old I'd check.

Last time ds 10 packed he could not find pants so took extra socks instead!!

🤣🤣 I love it.

My DS was about 15 when he went away for a week without even a change of clothes, despite frequent reminders. He got made to wear an oversized T shirt featuring Will Ferrell as Elf, which I got in the sales for £1. This forgetfulness wasn't unusual for him at the time. DD1 has been packing her own bags for years now, probably since she was about 10. DD2 is 10 and is probably capable.

Oh, and my daughter is 9 and I expect her to pack herself, but I check that she's packed enough/the right things.

Next time just make him a list(can be just basics) and tell him to tick it as it gets put in. That way he still does the packing,work and choosing, but he has a template to work with.

I have a 10yo. I'd expect him to pack his bag, but he'd need to be reminded to do it.

It would be pot luck whether DS was able to pack a bag or not. . . some days, he'd remember everything he needed. Other days, he'd get distracted part of the way through and end up with comics, some lego and a random selection of clothes.