AIBU to expect my 10 year old to be able to..

[PennyHoffsteader]

Pack his own overnight bag with things he needs for an overnight stay at his grandparents?!

He didn't...btw. And I got it in the ear for not checking!! I'd spent all morning cleaning his sister's bedroom (twin girls age 9 in Jan) cause it was a pig sty after Christmas 🙄

To add a bit more context, DS is on the ASD spectrum. Asperger's. He will spend all day every day playing computer games or watching YouTube videos if not monitored. (Thank God for remote access to be able to switch things off when they refuse to get off things!)

Am I BU?!

Gah, it's just so typical, isn't it?! The one day you're distracted with something else, and it all goes to pot! These things happen when you have three.
Go easy on yourself and relax with a nice glass of something tonight.

Also easy - already 🤦🏼‍♀️

@SeaToSki from my mother 🙄🙄

Depends how much practice you have support him to have.
As was said upthread If he hasn’t been guided to increasing independence in this sort of thing over the last few years then no, he wouldn’t suddenly know how.

By 10, he could be capable, but wouldn't automatically know how if he's not been taught.

Would probably write a list together of what they need. Which the dc can then tick off as it's packed. Then I'd check it. That's what my dm did when I was at that age anyway

If I give my 8yo a list, she can pack herself and and help her little sister (6yo). However she has no concept of what clothes coordinate, so I have to check that! 12yo niece frequently turns up GPs without stuff.

Different children develop these skills at their own rate and need different levels of support. But practice helps.

My ND 10 year old DS would not be able to do this. It would be a bag of teddy bears. He's academically very able, but executive functioning and organisation is shocking.

I'm exactly the same so understand entirely. I'm autistic too.

Would a potential over night packing list help DS. I have two friends who are on the spectrum and both have a visual what to take out list to help them remember what they will need

Ome of mine (ASD) would have been able to plan and pack everything for a family of four plus dog, arrange for cat sitters and most likely book and arrange travel and accommodation for a six month expedition to the North Pole from the age of about 6.

Her older, NT, sibling would have been doing well aged 12-18 had she managed to open the front door on the correct day (same day EOW for her entire life, it really shouldn't have been a surprise to her) and if instructed to pack a bag, would most likely have spent six hours saying she was doing it but, in reality, stopped at the first 'put a pair of socks in your case' because a pair of socks hadn't magically appeared in front of her nose when she said the word 'socks'. In the end, I would stuff two pairs of knickers and two pairs of socks in her case in the front pocket and left her to go smelly if she wouldn't ask for help or decided to draw a picture instead ‐ turned out that she thought it was my job to pack for her until she left home. Nope. I love you but I am not thinking for you.

She eventually learned. Well, her boyfriend offered to take her on holiday and she really wanted to go. So she worked it out for herself.

If yours has his own case, stick a list of things to pack in the order they need to go into the case inside the lid.

DS is on the ASD spectrum

Then no, possibly not.
Mine (also ASD) thinks packing a bag means taking the iPad and ted.

in my final comment i was talking about children in general, nt, not about ones who have special needs. that of course is different.
was prob not clear enough.

I don't have any DC on any known spectrum (well, the arsehole spectrum, but aren't we all on that)

They're individuals. Work with what you have, whatever that material is.
DD & DS3 could pack well by 7yo, others not so self-sufficient so early.

My husband is 38, when away for the weekend in November forgot to pack towels and dried himself on his pyjamas.
YANBU-but men/boys seem to have an amazing ability for missing the obvious

My husband often forgets things(including spare pants this christmas!!). I would def check my 9 year olds suitcase. He also has aspergers.

I'm nearly 35 and 90% of away trips involve me either buying a hairbrush or not brushing my hair the entire time I'm away because I never remember to pack one.

My colleague forgot her toothbrush last time we went on a work trip

I write mine a list and he then does it. He knows it's easier than me harping on.
We have "life skills" as a sort of joke, but he knows I put a lot of importance on independence and him doing stuff allows me to spend more time doing the fun things with him.

My 7yo gets a general list - 2x pants, 2x socks, 2 T-shirt's etc, toothbrush and snuggly. Book to read.

Then I leave her to it. She's managed ok every time, one time she forgot socks and another had only one T-shirt but it wasn't the end of the world. Generally she gets it right now.

I agree with the pp. I see it as life lessons. She is learning and enjoying being independent. 5 yo helps put stuff in his bag and get it out the drawers but I still have a bit more input for him.

10 is really young - I would at least expect to check on what he had done....... And I wouldnt be cleaning a 9 year olds room without them doing some of it too.

I think you need to do it with him a couple of times and make him a list. My 13 yo could not reliably pack a bag. I do plan on teaching him this year though!

My 11 yr old daughter failed to pack any underwear for a 4 night trip at Christmas!

IMO a 10 year old may still need help packing a bag, at least a list of what to pack that they can tick off as they go.
On the other hand 9 year olds are more than capable of tidying their own room, I know mine is, so in this case I think you have your priorities reversed!

My 10 yr old ds also has asd and can pack his own bag now. He’s been doing it a while and it used to be that Id check and half the clothes he packed would be unsuitable so I’d have to swap them but the more they practice the better they get at these skills, so now he’s able to rely on himself a lot more. My 8, 10 and 11 years all pack their own for any weekends away. If they forget something we may buy it from a 24 hour tesco if it’s urgent but it’s good life experience for them to do it all themselves and take responsibility. So yanbu

YAB a bit U. My nearly-nine year old can mostly pack her own bag, but I would still check it before leaving the house. It's not always easy to imagine exactly what clothes you'll need when doing different activities, over a period of several days. I don't think you can expected complete independence in a pre-teen, even without the added challenge of ASD.

9 year old twins can’t tidy their room
10 is expected to pack own bag ... erm

Think you are being short sighted