So my brother wants to kill himself. What the fuck do I do? [title edited by MNHQ]

[HowDoIhelp321]

I've got 2 brothers.
Years and years ago my mum said to me she was worried that one day my older brother would kill himself. I was shocked, he was married with kids and seemed happy and had an excellent career.

Now the last few years we meet with family at Christmas or weddings and he sits away from people, sometimes drinks too much (sometimes doesn't) wears the same coat (huge thing) and won't take it off despite it being very hot indoors.

Doesn't talk much and seems very very down. Today he said every time he leaves work and doesn't see day light he wants to kill [method removed by MNHQ] himself.

He said he must suffer from SAD (I agree but believe it's more than that) and asked his work to fund a Sad box which is £200 but they refused.

So I'm freaking out that my brother has reached rock bottom and going to kill himself.

He NEVER talks about feelings so I'm fucking worried.

But these sad boxes are like £20-50 so what one is he on about because I need to get him this £200 he's talking about.

Help

He has an excellent career but won't buy his own SAD box - he wants you or his work to fund it?

Huh?

The Philips EnergyUp light is £150

That's what I fucking said. ☹️

He has 3 kids and his wife doesn't work (his choice) perhaps he has bitten off more more than he can chew? I strongly suspect this is the case. Financially speaking.

Have you asked his wife about the specific box he wants?

Being aggressively rude to people asking questions is not going to get you advice

Are you close to his wife at all? And you can get good SAD lights for around £80. My sister says hers is very good and useful.

I think he needs more than a light box.

Can you get him to see his GP for a proper mental health assessment?

Oh I was just talking normally. Sorry.

No I his wife, my lovely sister in law won't talk at all. And understandably so. I feel so bloody sorry for them both. ☹️

@MabelMoo23 it came across to me that she was agreeing with the PP's not having a go.

I have been looking at these boxes for my dh and they don't cost that much. Even the expensive ones are £70.

If you are worried get him a cheap box and see if it helps.

I think maybe get him a decent sad lamp and hopefully that will help.

Mabel don't think that was meant to be rude more of a 'yes I really agree with you and said as much to him'

Not I his wife.

I'm not close with his wife, we see each other once a year but I really love and respect her (it's been 20 years). I have text her tonight but she hasn't replied. We don't have that kind of relationship.

I don’t think a sad box is the solution to your brothers mental health problems.

You should persuade him to go and see his GP, who might refer hi to counselling or prescribe anti depressants. His focus on the box is a worry.

You are also being unnecessarily aggressive - are you ok?

OP, my Mum has tried to commit suicide a few times. It is a good sign that he's talking to you.

Could you get him to see his GP?

Is he rock bottom all year round or is it just in the winter months? If he's like it during the summer then the lights are unlikely to help.

Can you get him out on his own for an open heart? The sad thing is that you can’t make anyone go to the GP but maybe if he realises that how he feels isn’t ‘him’ (I assume he hasn’t always felt this way) and that it doesn’t have to be. Be gentle and supportive, listen and don’t assume or say ‘that’s silly, you have so much to live for’. It’s tough when you are at the bottom of the well and can’t see daylight.

Maybe there’s something going on at home?

I’m sorry, I clearly read the context wrong.

Apologies @HowDoIhelp321

Your brother clearly needs help . Can your family afford to club together to buy one. It sounds as though he is unhappy in his job. Is anyone close to him .?
The Samaritans may know better how you can deal with this .
I wish you and your family well.

@MabelMoo23 where is the OP being aggressive? Obviously she is stressed about her brother maybe you need to calm down and stop being accusatory.

With kindness OP it sounds like your brother needs more support than a SAD box can provide. He needs to speak to his GP about potential help options, but I know this is easier said than done.

Blanca in Mabels defence I also thought op was being agressive when she said ‘that’s what i fucking said’. I now understand spthat is the day she speaks - however it is impossible to determine tone on mumsnet.

Also in her defence, you have aggressively folder her to stop being aggressive😊

I didn't take your response as being aggressive @HowDoIhelp321 - I'm not sure where that came from.

Anyway, something doesn't add up with your brother.

Has he asked you for the money for this light box? Why hasn't he bought it honestly? Could he be gambling, drinking his money away?

Is he rock bottom all year round or is it just in the winter months? If he's like it during the summer then the lights are unlikely to help.

That's a really good question. I want to say it's just in winter when we see him a Christmas and he said today that's his reason and a SAD box would help.
But he was terrible at my wedding 3 years ago and another wedding 2 years ago - both during the summer.

I feel so sorry for his wife, she absolutely adores him. But he is a shell.

I can't speak to him alone, we live many miles away.

Sorry for sounding passive aggressive - quite the opposite! I was agreeing with force!

OP is absolutely not being aggressive, I think a few people are reading into it wrongly. The unimportant stuff aside, I agree 100% with the people saying that your brother needs to get help medically as I don’t think getting him a light box is the solution.

Really hope he gets better soon.