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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

So my brother wants to kill himself. What the fuck do I do? [title edited by MNHQ]

80 replies

HowDoIhelp321 · 29/12/2019 19:01

I've got 2 brothers.
Years and years ago my mum said to me she was worried that one day my older brother would kill himself. I was shocked, he was married with kids and seemed happy and had an excellent career.

Now the last few years we meet with family at Christmas or weddings and he sits away from people, sometimes drinks too much (sometimes doesn't) wears the same coat (huge thing) and won't take it off despite it being very hot indoors.

Doesn't talk much and seems very very down. Today he said every time he leaves work and doesn't see day light he wants to kill [method removed by MNHQ] himself.

He said he must suffer from SAD (I agree but believe it's more than that) and asked his work to fund a Sad box which is £200 but they refused.

So I'm freaking out that my brother has reached rock bottom and going to kill himself.

He NEVER talks about feelings so I'm fucking worried.

But these sad boxes are like £20-50 so what one is he on about because I need to get him this £200 he's talking about.

Help

OP posts:
mbosnz · 29/12/2019 20:08

I don't know that I'd be putting too much credence in what a physiotherapist told me about suicide theory CorBlimeyGovenor. . .

koshkat · 29/12/2019 20:13

I'm only repeating what I was told by a physiotherapist

What on earth would a physio know about suicidal people? Hmm

And I was angry with your post because you are wrong.

cheeseandpineapple · 29/12/2019 20:14

OP, have you seen the message from RivkaMumsnet? They have edited your thread to remove references to the method of suicide but you’ve mentioned it again in your last post?

Danni12 · 29/12/2019 20:18

It really does sound like your brother needs professional help from a mental health expert. Would he attend a GP appointment along with you or his wife perhaps? If he will not, could his wife inform his GP how concerned she is that he poses a risk to himself and that he needs an urgent mental health assessment?

It is a MYTH that people who talk about suicide do not attempt, this is unhelpful and must be challenged.

Please.....do not post about any potential suicide methods, this goes against recommendations by mental health charities.....

Mrsmadevans · 29/12/2019 20:20

Don't worry Cheese MN towers they have removed it . I had 2 relatives who did this to themselves so it is a little too close to home for me . My Poor Dad found them both and it had a terrible effect on him. Just closed him down emotionally. I appreciate the OP is worried for her brother but the thread needs to be monitored.

UndertheCedartree · 29/12/2019 20:39

It sounds like he could be very unwell. I think you really need to speak to his wife about how concerned you are. She could be aware and trying to deal with it and be glad of your support. I wish you and your family all the best Flowers

Original poster
HowDoIhelp321 · 29/12/2019 20:40

Sorry I don't understand why my post was deleted or why it was against rules or guild lines?

OP posts:
Original poster
HowDoIhelp321 · 29/12/2019 20:40

Guidelines.

OP posts:
Original poster
HowDoIhelp321 · 29/12/2019 20:44

OP, have you seen the message from RivkaMumsnet? They have edited your thread to remove references to the method of suicide
So I can't talk about it?

Or I can? What bits can or can't I talk about my suicidal brother??
What parts aren't allowed?
Fuck sake.

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 29/12/2019 20:45

You can talk about how to help him.
You can’t detail methods of killing yourself.
It’s really not complicated.

Original poster
HowDoIhelp321 · 29/12/2019 20:46

Right the actual method.

Well thank fuck for Mumsnet, least he won't know how to do it. Thanks to their deleting my posts asking for help.

FFS

OP posts:
Surplus2requirements · 29/12/2019 20:46

It's against MN policy and healthcare professionals advice to talk about possible methods of suicide.

I find it extremely difficult to hear some things but I don't blame you. The content of this thread is far more important.

Again please contact www.thecalmzone.net/
They are specifically set up to help people like your brother

Original poster
HowDoIhelp321 · 29/12/2019 20:47

I'm not asking for methods on how to kill my self FOR FUCK SAKE

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 29/12/2019 20:49

You can get as angry as you like, that’s been the rule here for ya area and as you’ve repeatedly been told, it is on the advice of MH charities not to allow detailing of suicide methods.

Have your tantrum if you like, but It isn’t going to help you OR your brother get help.

Ated · 29/12/2019 20:49

@DrMartenswillcunow :
Maybe there are but a friend of mine was sectioned several times and it didn't take very long from an initial reference. Also, a distant friend started to 'act' differently and spent her final days being sectioned, with not even her family knowing when she died or where she is buried.

Wilmalovescake · 29/12/2019 20:49

for years

mbosnz · 29/12/2019 20:50

No, but there may be people on here that are suicidal that get ideas for how to do it. . . that's what MN is trying to take responsibility for preventing.

iano · 29/12/2019 20:53

Why does the method of killing being mentioned assist you in getting help? Take a deep breath and have a look at the links pp have given instead of getting all worked up. That won't help you or your brother

LauraMipsum · 29/12/2019 20:57

I can understand the OP being upset, she's reaching out for help in a crisis and her post is being edited for reasons that probably don't seem particularly crucial to her right now (even though they are good reasons for other people reading the site).

The suggestion to contact CALMzone sounds like a good one.

AdamBarlowsQuiff · 29/12/2019 21:01

Could you maybe send him one of these cheaper SAD light boxes, that you can afford, but with a letter to ask him to talk to someone/to phone you/speak to Gp. To let him know you've listened and you want to help.

leapinglucy · 29/12/2019 21:02

I'm also confused as to why mentioning the method of suicide is forbidden. Any search engine would provide this info. Most adults know about suicide anyway, if only from TV!

I'm sorry for your brother, OP. Depression is hell on earth. And it is a medical emergency if he is displaying signs of severe depression, including - obviously - suicidal ideation.

NotExactly9 · 29/12/2019 21:02

OP instead of getting wound up at MN policies (which I know is frustrating but mandatory) why don’t you start looking into the websites people have been posting and actually doing what you can that could be helpful for your brother? You’ve been given a ton of decent advice now! Let us know how you get on? X

leapinglucy · 29/12/2019 21:03

At this stage, it's too late for any kind of lightbox. He needs immediate care.

DrMartenswillcunow · 29/12/2019 21:06

@Ated
I dont doubt your experiences with people being detained, once there is an agreement by assessing professionals that a person needs to be in hospital for their own safety or the safety of others in relation to the individuals mental health, it is always hoped that the individual understands this and agrees to go into hospital. If they are not in agreement, they may be detained. This process is always completed as quickly as possible as risks need to be considered.
My comment referred to the suggestion that you should just get someone detained in hospital for assessment if you have concerns. It is never that simple, the legal framework around detaining someone is very robust and several criteria need to be met.
Regarding family not being aware, pt confidentiality still exists for those who are detained. They have the right to refuse information sharing. This can be very distressing for loved ones but unless there is a safety concern, information will not be shared with non professionals.

mintyroller · 29/12/2019 21:26

I'm also confused as to why mentioning the method of suicide is forbidden.

MNHQ have stated above Just to let you know we have very strict guidelines about threads that mention suicide. These were devised with expert guidance from mental health charities and professionals.

OP, my brother used the method you mentioned and I agree with MNHQ's policy of not allowing mention of any particular method.