So my brother wants to kill himself. What the fuck do I do? [title edited by MNHQ]

[HowDoIhelp321]

I've got 2 brothers.
Years and years ago my mum said to me she was worried that one day my older brother would kill himself. I was shocked, he was married with kids and seemed happy and had an excellent career.

Now the last few years we meet with family at Christmas or weddings and he sits away from people, sometimes drinks too much (sometimes doesn't) wears the same coat (huge thing) and won't take it off despite it being very hot indoors.

Doesn't talk much and seems very very down. Today he said every time he leaves work and doesn't see day light he wants to kill [method removed by MNHQ] himself.

He said he must suffer from SAD (I agree but believe it's more than that) and asked his work to fund a Sad box which is £200 but they refused.

So I'm freaking out that my brother has reached rock bottom and going to kill himself.

He NEVER talks about feelings so I'm fucking worried.

But these sad boxes are like £20-50 so what one is he on about because I need to get him this £200 he's talking about.

Help

He needs urgent care OP. It is an absolute myth that people who talk about suicide do not do it.
He needs a GP and some medication asap.

Have you discussed him with your other brother?

I didn’t read that as aggressive in the slightest. Some people are primed to take offence.

Above all, don’t take emotional responsibility, that’s too heavy a load. Tell him you love him, ask him if he’s seen a dr,
offer to take him to one. He needs therapy and love from the people in his life, but you alone cannot fix this.

It does sound urgent doesn't it?
I feel lien that too. My mum is really calm though (he's never said anything to her before).

I was once told by a psychotherapist that people who say things like 'i will kill myself' or feel scared that they will one day harm themselves, more than often don't. Apparently those who feel truly suicidal tend to feel a sense of relief with their decision to end it. It sounds like he's depressed, but his reference to suicide is a cry for help. I don't think that your mother's comments were helpful nor are they some sort of prophecy! The light box sounds like he wanted work to pay for it to have on his desk. Offices can be weird about people bringing in their own electrical untested devices due to H&S regs. Nothing to stop him from seeing if he can take in his own, esp if new. I would ask him if he needs or wants help or whether he is receiving any.

IMO he needs to cut down his hours if financially possible. Such a shame not to see daylight if this can be remedied with his wife working, him reducing hours etc. I haven't looked back since going part time. My mental health has been saved.

I was once told by a psychotherapist that people who say things like 'i will kill myself' or feel scared that they will one day harm themselves, more than often don't

And THIS is harmful fucking rubbish. I told people around me, including medical professionals, repeatedly what I intended to do. But I did not get the help I needed in time and was only given what I needed after I tried to kill myself.

He needs help now.

Just ordered a decent lumie MHRA approved one for DD who doesn’t see daylight all winter, works below ground during day, and it was 79.95.

Hi OP,

This sounds like a really difficult situation, and we understand you must be very worried about your brother.

Just to let you know we have very strict guidelines about threads that mention suicide. These were devised with expert guidance from mental health charities and professionals. But rather than remove your thread, we have just edited out the method, as this isn't something we can allow to stand.

All the best OP.

See if he can be sectioned for an assessment period as he's a potential danger to himself.

The thing to remember is that, no matter what happens, it is not your fault. You can urge him to see his GP, beg him to get MH support, but in the end it is his decision.

As far as his wife goes, even if you don't have 'that kind' of relationship let her know of your concerns in plain language, not 'prettied up' or in vague terms. I know you've said you've texted her, but just be sure y

Can you offer to come with him to an urgent GP appointment tomorrow? Or if he is in distress he can go to A and E.

Honestly if he is suicidal I don't think any light box is going to solve this, he needs assessment by a professional and support. All the best OP xx

@Koshkat

I'm only repeating what I was told by a physiotherapist (and also a psychiatrist). I have had two acquaintances kill themselves and neither had talked of it or gave any clues to friends or family. You know, there is really no need to be so rude or aggressive, esp on a conversation about mental health/suicide. You could have made your point much more amicably.

oops!

Just be sure your texts leave no questions in her mind that you are concerned that he may be contemplating suicide.

That's really all you can do.

@Ated
You can't just get someone sectioned for saying what he did.
It frustrates me when people say this, there are many steps and interventions before someone is detained. The least restrictive option has to be considered.

Apparently those who feel truly suicidal tend to feel a sense of relief with their decision to end it. It sounds like he's depressed, but his reference to suicide is a cry for help

This may be statistically correct (I have no idea) but is definitely not universally true. Please do not perpetuate this poor and dangerous advice.

OP if you are worried and feel you need to support in some way, you can see if your local mental health services have an access number. This info should be online. You could pass number to him and/pr his wife. They can call and they will triage the call, they can signpost too.
Anyone can call an access service, it doesn't need to be a professional.
HTH

Don’t just sit in hope OP, do whatever you can, as soon as you can.

People shouldn't spread utter bullshit about whether or not someone talks about suicide if they genuinely plan to do it. I've seen first hand that sometimes they absolutely do mention it beforehand.

People need to stop being armchair experts on mental health when they haven't got a clue. Everyone is different. Every case is different. Yes some people will talk about wanting to commit suicide yet never go through with it. But that's not the case for everyone.

Very sad, HowDoIhelp. An uncle of mine killed himself in that way when I was about seven. I used to hear the 'grown ups' whispering about it. When I was an adult my cousin (his daughter who had been 15 at the time), told me he had often threatened suicide. It was very sad.

OP please, please contact these people www.thecalmzone.net/

I lost my son to suicide, no signs, no warnings, the guilt I feel for not being able to protect him are a daily struggle and the loss has devastated so many lives.

The Campaign Against Living Miserably really know their stuff and are aimed specifically at men who are at risk. They will be able to advise better than anyone.

Well said @Jollitwiglet

I'm only repeating what I was told by a physiotherapist (and also a psychiatrist)

CorBlimey So which was it, a psychologist, physiotherapist or psychiatrist? They are very different professions.

It's a dangerous myth that people who speak about suicide don't do it. That is well known, despite anyone's anecdotal evidence.

www.samaritans.org/ireland/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/worried-about-someone-else/myths-about-suicide/
Myth: People who talk about suicide aren't serious and won't go through with it.
Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die