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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset ...

81 replies

inthedarkX · 29/12/2019 13:04

My ex husband wants to take my 5 kids( we have 6 but ones a baby who's breastfed and will stay with me) to his ONE bed flat on New Year's Eve to see the New Years in with his girlfriend and her 3 kids (only one of her kids is my husband) and I'll be at home with baby alone and won't get to see the New Year's Eve in with my children. Also there will be 8 children and 2 adults staying in a one bed flat!! I want to see the new year in with my children!! He's got his new family. Why should I be without my kids on New Year's Eve just because he left me!

OP posts:
CatintheFireplace · 29/12/2019 13:05

Do you mean "our children"?

MirriMazDuur · 29/12/2019 13:06

Well you will need to have some kind of arrangement about who has the kids which year on special dates won't you?

I'd be concerned about where on earth they were all going to sleep, but I'm not sure there's anything to be done about that while they're in his care.

Primrosepenny · 29/12/2019 13:07

I think the arrangements are daft- far too many people for a one bed flat!

But at the same time YABU. They’re his kids too and just because he’s got another kid with another woman and she’s got kids of her own, that doesn’t mean he relinquishes his rights as a father to your children.

formerbabe · 29/12/2019 13:08

I don't think it especially matters that you won't see in the new year with them...what is most important is do they get on with their father and his girlfriend and her kids? Are they responsible and trustworthy? If so, one nye in a crowded place isn't the end of the world.

RedskyAtnight · 29/12/2019 13:10

Agree you need to make a proper arrangement between yourselves about who has the children on special days.

TBH this sounds very much like you're both using the children to make a point - on the basis that the youngest is a small baby, a good number of these children are surely too young to be staying up to celebrate New Year anyway?

Crunchymum · 29/12/2019 13:11

How old are these kids if they'll be staying up to see in the New Year?

What are the current arrangements?

So you baby is his child? And his girlfriend has also had a child with him?

What is the overlap / story here?

Bunnybigears · 29/12/2019 13:14

Who had the children for Christmas Eve/morning? I know when I was a child the sleeping arrangement wouldnt bother me at all and would seem like a big party/sleepover/adventure. As you are now separated there will be some times when the children are not with you for significant events. In the scheme of things is missing New Years Eve (always an anti climax in my opinion anyway) really worth arguing about.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 29/12/2019 13:14

Who had the dc for Christmas Day? It it was you and he didn’t see them you would be very unreasonable to say no imo.

Also they aren’t just your dc, like it or not he is there father. So what’s with the my children in your op

HardofCleaning · 29/12/2019 13:14

I was also wondering how old the kids are? Younger than 10 surely new years isn't a big deal to them and they'll be happier in bed? I don't think him having a new family means he won't want to share big celebrations with his other children.

Going forward you'll need to find a fair way to share holidays, Better to agree well in advance so emotions aren't involved.

eveshopper · 29/12/2019 13:19

Kids will probably love it. That's all I would care about tbh. Don't be upset about a day. Because it is just a day.

dottydaily · 29/12/2019 13:34

YABU they need time with Dad also..do every second year for occasions such as Christmas Eve,New Years, Easter etc or one if you prefer a certain celebration and your ex prefers another then do it that way...works for me,everyone happy...don’t worry about it..get some nice treats for yourself new year and sit In and enjoy the peaceful house you seldom prob have..Happy new year

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/12/2019 13:37

They are his children too, you don’t own them. They need a relationship with both parents not just one.

FairytaleofButlins · 29/12/2019 13:40

YANBU to miss your kids

YABU to think you have more rights than their father - you should take turn.

All the kids together in a small flat? The children will absolutely love it, it's fun when it's a one off.

Your ex has moved on, you need to move on too. They are not YOUR children, they are his equally.

PleaseGiveMeAShake · 29/12/2019 13:45

8 dc and 2 adult in a 1 bed house sound like hell if you ask me.
If they did it once I don't think they would ask again until they got a bigger house 😂
I would happily send them off and have an early night with your youngest dc. but the I do hate new year anyways

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 29/12/2019 13:47

What was the agreement for Xmas and new year?

saywhatwhatnow · 29/12/2019 13:48

It's not very practical for a regular custody arrangement, but for one night I wouldn't be worried. He is their dad and I'm sure they will all have loads of fun together on a big sleepover. I think maybe you need to sort out your feelings about everything (agree with @Crunchymum that there must be a story behind the fact you have a baby together and he also has a child with his new partner) and then put a proper access arrangement in place so you all know where you stand.

huggybear · 29/12/2019 13:48

Is it just me who is wondering how they have a child together, but OP also has a baby?

I think the set up sounds too crowded but they are his children too. I agree with the question about Christmas day?

bridgetreilly · 29/12/2019 13:51

When you have children with someone you are not in a relationship you don't get to do everything with them. Why should he have to see in the new year without them? Why are you more important than him? Why are you so self-absorbed?

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2019 13:53

Is it just me who is wondering how they have a child together, but OP also has a baby?

Nope...

littlepaddypaws · 29/12/2019 13:55

how old are the dc op ? just curious

Winterdaysarehere · 29/12/2019 13:56

Let him crack on imo.
You get a nice quiet night and quality time with baby.
He gets, well Chaos and Bedlam.
Win win.

SquareAsABlock · 29/12/2019 13:56

Is it just me who is wondering how they have a child together, but OP also has a baby?

I'm quite sure the op has many a previous thread about the situation...

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 29/12/2019 14:00

Is it just me who is wondering how they have a child together, but OP also has a baby?

Men can do that.

bigchris · 29/12/2019 14:02

Yes got 2 babies by 2 different women ?? So he's with the OW?

bigchris · 29/12/2019 14:03

God enjoy the leave with your baby , let him keep the other 5 entertained

Was it only have the sixth you realised he was a bellend?

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