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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset ...

81 replies

inthedarkX · 29/12/2019 13:04

My ex husband wants to take my 5 kids( we have 6 but ones a baby who's breastfed and will stay with me) to his ONE bed flat on New Year's Eve to see the New Years in with his girlfriend and her 3 kids (only one of her kids is my husband) and I'll be at home with baby alone and won't get to see the New Year's Eve in with my children. Also there will be 8 children and 2 adults staying in a one bed flat!! I want to see the new year in with my children!! He's got his new family. Why should I be without my kids on New Year's Eve just because he left me!

OP posts:
bigchris · 29/12/2019 14:03

the rest

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2019 14:04

Is it just me who is wondering how they have a child together, but OP also has a baby

Timing thing apparently. Got with the new girlfriend quickly after leaving the op, op was pregnant when he left her, as he couldn't take another baby. Long back story here, use advanced search.

Op, you had them over Xmas, so seems fair he has them at new year.

frillyfarmer · 29/12/2019 14:05

Children don't need to be kept up until midnight to welcome in the New Year. Put them to bed in whichever residence has enough beds for them and stop being so utterly ridiculous.

Dontdisturbmenow · 29/12/2019 14:12

Did he see them for Xmas? He left you, but he didn't leave his children and they have a right, unless abusive, to a relationship with their dad, however hurtful it is to you.

One night cramped to celebrate New Year is ok as long as they have some form of mattresses and covers. It wouldn't be acceptable on a regular basis.

Don't punish him for leaving you by punishing your children. It's very very hard not to do so, but being a good parent is letting go of our feelings for their emotional stability.

MillicentMartha · 29/12/2019 14:13

I always have my DC Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, exH always has then Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day. We’re all happy with it that way and it seems fair to us.

Most people alternate Christmas Day, though. It’s about the DC, not the parents I’m afraid.

CakeandCustard28 · 29/12/2019 14:13

Why not see what your kids want to do. If they want to go, fair enough if they want to stay then keep them with you. Don’t punish your children for your ex being a div.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2019 14:16

Why is the ex a div? Confused

Deathraystare · 29/12/2019 14:16

Don't view it negatively.

They get time with their dad (so if they are bored/pissed off it ain't on your watch!!!).
You get time alone with baby.
You can watch/eat what you like.
No arguments
Paint your toes, put on a facemask, dance around the room to music... the list is endless.

CoolCarrie · 29/12/2019 14:20

Let him get on with it, and enjoy a bit of peace, you sound like you need it with 6 children

Yetanotherwinter · 29/12/2019 14:23

They’re not your kids, they our kids regardless of who left who. Also kids don’t care about new year. You’ll just end up with grumpy kids the following day. I would take advantage of the break. Pick your battles. This isn’t worth it.

PorpentinaScamander · 29/12/2019 14:24

Can we swap exes? My ex NEVER has our DC for NYE which means I'm always stuck at home while he leaves his other DC with his wife and goes to the pub/has a party at home.
I don't mind so much now they are old enough to stay up and appreciate the event. But it was really shit when they were small.

ExhaustedGrinch · 29/12/2019 14:26

Not enough context.

How long have you been split up for? How long has he been with the girlfriend? It can't have been that long if you still have a baby?

Who had the children over Christmas?

BoxOfBabyCheeses · 29/12/2019 14:28

Did you have them for Christmas OP? Me and ex share so one has DS fir Christmas Day and the other has New Year's Eve. Then swap the next year. Yes it's hard, but you need to put DC and their wishes first.

Apolloanddaphne · 29/12/2019 14:31

We need more info. What are the ages of the children? Are they near enough to you that some of them can come back home to sleep? Seems like madness to have 8 children and 2 adults in a one bedroom flat.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 14:33

Well do you have plans or would you be at home and the kids tucked up in bed?

If you have plans say "sorry, I have plans". If you don't, are the kids old enough to decide, without you trying to guilt trip them?

Lucked · 29/12/2019 14:33

I think it is relevant both what the arrangements for Christmas were and the ages of the children.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/12/2019 14:34

I suspect this has a very chaotic and upsetting background. OP, if you can; plan together how to deal with things such as xmas, birthdays, holidays etc as soon as you can so you don't end up bickering and feeling aggrieved for future occasions.

Dawsoncreek · 29/12/2019 14:34

“Our children” **

YABU to have 6 children Confused
YANBU to be concerned about that many people in a one bedroom flat
YABU to think you have sole rights over having your children on NYE.!

needanewnamechange · 29/12/2019 14:36

The only thought that came into my head was how has a man that already has 6 children meet another woman and farther another child . I don't even have time to nip to Asda some days and I have 2 dc Hmm . Missed point entirely not helpful sorry .

GinNotGym19 · 29/12/2019 14:39

Who had them Xmas?
This is my first year as a single mum and we’ve split Xmas and new year and will alternate every year.
If he has them this nye, you get them next year.
I think it’s fine to have that many in a flat for one night as long as they have sleeping bags etc.
I do get the “it’s not fair” feeling but unfortunately for separated families, you do have to split the time & there’s not enough time to go around.

TonTonMacoute · 29/12/2019 14:51

What do the DCs want to do?

Straycatstrut · 29/12/2019 14:51

Did you have them for Christmas?

I had Christmas eve and Christmas day with my boys and they're going and having NYE/D with their Dad and their other grandparents.

FWIW I've spent the last 10 NYE's alone either at University (which was in a place I hated) or on my own whilst Ex was out gigging. I'm very used to it now and it's always horrible and lonely.

Apackoflips · 29/12/2019 14:51

I would think it would be a great opportunity to spend some one on one time with baby and when baby is asleep some blissful adult alone time. Surely that must be in short supply as a lone parents with 6 children ?

Make yourself a fantastic evening and enjoy the children when theyre back with you.

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2019 14:57

Is it just me who is wondering how they have a child together, but OP also has a baby?

Jonathan Aitken can explain.

Dollymixture22 · 29/12/2019 14:58

Yes it all sounds a bit messy. I assume your ex left when you were pregnant/ had a newborn and either already had or very quickly got this other lady pregnant.

He mustn’t live with her if he is in a one bed flat and she has three children.

So one night will be very cramped. It will probably be the first and last time they do it. The most important question is will the children be safe? They can all sleep on the floor in sleeping bags, probably would be fun. And as long as they are warm, comfortable and safe surely there is little to object to?

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