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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to let DD13 burn candles in her room

81 replies

Servalan · 29/12/2019 13:02

Just had a major strop from DD because I have told her I do not want her burning candles in her room.

She asked earlier if she could burn some candles on the kitchen table earlier and I agreed even though I wasn't in the room (but was coming in and out now and again to keep an eye). My feeling is the kitchen table is an uncluttered space and it's an area of the house I regularly go in.

She then went to her room, cleared a space in the middle of the floor and suggested burning some candles on a tray in the uncluttered area. I told her no (I have previously told her she can't burn candles in her bedroom). She launched into a big argument about how I'd let her light them in the kitchen. It ended up turning into a heated argument (no pun intended).

Am I being neurotic to think that 13 is too young to have open flames in a bedroom?

OP posts:
OverTheHandlebars · 29/12/2019 13:03

Candles on a tray on the floor doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Anybody could easily trip on them.

ScarlettDarling · 29/12/2019 13:04

Yanbu, this would terrify me. No candles in bedrooms, ever, no matter how old you are.

raspberryk · 29/12/2019 13:04

This is not unreasonable at all, I know someone who's dd of a similar age lit a candle and her room caught fire as it go knocked/wafted when the door was slammed.

ViaSacra · 29/12/2019 13:06

Candles on the floor are a recipe for disaster. Someone will walk into her room, forgetting the candles are there, and burn themselves/knock the candles over and start a fire.

If she thinks candles on a tray in the middle of the floor are a good idea, she is not sufficiently mature and does not have a good enough understanding of fire safety to be allowed candles in her room.

Cohle · 29/12/2019 13:06

YANBU. Candles on the floor sounds like a terrible idea. Teenagers often have a very active sense of justice though so I'd make a blanket rule of no candles in bedrooms so she didn't feel like she was being picked on. Would that work?

Original poster
Servalan · 29/12/2019 13:28

Thanks for the feedback.

The reason she suggested the floor on a tray was because I've said I worry about clutter around surfaces such as shelves/desk etc. Even if she cleared those though, I would still not want her having candles in the room even if on a proper surface.

Folk who said not the floor - would you feel differently if it was on a desk/shelf etc?

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 29/12/2019 13:30

YANBU. At ALL.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/12/2019 13:31

I’m still very nervous about my nearly 19 year old DD lighting candles in her room so you’re def not unreasonable with a 13 year old!

formerbabe · 29/12/2019 13:33

I don't have candles in my home at all. I certainly wouldn't allow them in a childs bedroom. You can get fake candles which run on batteries. I'd go for them instead.

Biancadelrioisback · 29/12/2019 13:34

13 is not old enough to be responsible for open flames imo

Biancadelrioisback · 29/12/2019 13:34

Why does she want to burn candles btw?

When I was a teenager I used to do this to disguise the fact I was smoking out the window...

Original poster
Servalan · 29/12/2019 13:37

No, definitely not smoking out of the window :) She's just got very interested in candles recently - especially scented candles. It's a spiritual thing.

She does have a battery tea light, but is not happy with using that.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 29/12/2019 13:39

No lit candles in bedrooms here-not even mine.

Ontheboardwalk · 29/12/2019 13:40

Candles in the bedroom at any age frighten me. It only takes a minute for a fire to start.

Top of the fireplace is the only place for candies in my house

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 29/12/2019 13:40

Judi Denchs daughter accidentally burnt down the house

Thistle23 · 29/12/2019 13:41

If it's the scent she's after what about a water diffuser . I don't burn candles now I have one.

helpfulperson · 29/12/2019 13:42

What about a compromise of cleared surfaces and in a lantern? Get her a fire blanket and strict rule that she doesn't leave the room or open the windows.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/12/2019 13:42

Could she burn incense sticks instead?

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 29/12/2019 13:43

I would let her. Help her find an area of her bedroom where it’s safe and make her promise to blow them out when she’s finished.

Cornish2 · 29/12/2019 13:45

No candles in bedrooms here either.
Nor was I aloud candles in my room when I was that age, I'd rather a tantrum than a fire!

Thefaceofboe · 29/12/2019 13:46

Why don’t you suggest wax melts and a burner? I use them with cheap tea lights which only burn for an hour or so and then there’s no risk of them being left to burn all day

MeganChips · 29/12/2019 13:47

Mine did this and went out and left them burning on a cluttered bedside table.

They were confiscated and I bought her a wax melter with scented waxes instead which she is happy with.

A possibility for your DD?

Thefaceofboe · 29/12/2019 13:48

Sorry forgot to say yanbu but if you want to compromise, a wax burner on a shelf may work Smile

Floralmoral · 29/12/2019 13:48

I nearly burnt my parents house down because of the candles on the floor Blush
That’s a bit of an exaggeration but I basically fell asleep, candles were on the floor and my blanket caught fire. Thankfully the smell of smoke woke me but I really wouldn’t want to think what could have happened otherwise.
I was 18 at the time, the room was a mess and I was keeping my candles on the floor for the reason you mentioned OP, to avoid all the clutter on all the surfaces.

Cornyplaster · 29/12/2019 13:49

My sister left candles on her shelf when she was home from uni one Christmas, and the shelf and wall and curtains caught fire. She is 53 now and my dad still brings it up when he’s tipsy. No candles in bedrooms.

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