AIBU not to let DD13 burn candles in her room

[Servalan]

Just had a major strop from DD because I have told her I do not want her burning candles in her room.

She asked earlier if she could burn some candles on the kitchen table earlier and I agreed even though I wasn't in the room (but was coming in and out now and again to keep an eye). My feeling is the kitchen table is an uncluttered space and it's an area of the house I regularly go in.

She then went to her room, cleared a space in the middle of the floor and suggested burning some candles on a tray in the uncluttered area. I told her no (I have previously told her she can't burn candles in her bedroom). She launched into a big argument about how I'd let her light them in the kitchen. It ended up turning into a heated argument (no pun intended).

Am I being neurotic to think that 13 is too young to have open flames in a bedroom?

Yes opt for a electric pilot burner.
I love candles as a teen I often left then lighting in my room. I'd say no to mine.

*Oil burner.

Op, I have an idea! Buy her some reed defusers. They are quite new agey, but not flammable. Stick with the candles on the kitchen table rule though. I only burn candles on the windowsill in the kitchen because that is tiled and uncluttered.

Forgot to add, my uni banned candles because someone burned their room down. If you were caught with a candle out on display during a room inspection you got a £20 fine. (Didn’t stop you hiding them in a draw).

Its not a great habit. I once burned some clothing with a joss stick. It could have been horrific.

Not to put a dampner but candles (soya less so) release toxic fumes.

Aromatherapy is not as bad. Have a look at the Aroma Works Diffuser. You can get lots of different essential oils.

You can get fake candles, and electric aromatherapy diffusers.

My DD (21) has been burning candles in her room after we told her not to.

The walls are now covered with a grubby film which is really hard to wipe off. These are now totally banned and she has bought one of these wax melt things which smells the same but without the danger of the house getting filthy or burning down.

I would tell dd to make sure it is safe (ie not on the floor), I would keep an eye and condition would be she must ask before lighting and make sure she blows it out when finished or leaves room(I would check). Otherwise how will she ever learn.

No way is ANYONE allowed candles in their bedrooms here - us included!

I nearly killed myself as a student; fell asleep at BF's house with a candle burning; woke up choking to find it had set fire to the top of the chest of drawers; luckily hadn't reached the curtains. We were able to put the fire out, but the room was absoutely black, and I was coughing up tar for days afterwards. It scared me to death, because I remember coughing and choking while still asleep, then slowly waking to see a weird orange glow through a fog of smoke. My BF didn't wake until I shook him; we could so easily have died.

DD1's uni also doesn't allow candles at all.

make her promise to blow them out when she’s finished.

Yes, that'll work.

'Oh I forgot'

'Oh I only popped out of the room for a minute to go to the loo/get a drink/because you called me'

'Oh I must have fallen asleep'

Nope.
No chance.
Its one way to burn your entire house to the ground.

Candles on the floor is always a disaster and accident waiting to happen, that would probably be the main concern. I don’t think a Yankee style candle in a jar is such a bad thing if it’s placed well away from anything that could potentially fall in it.

This is the 3rd thread about exactly this in about a week.

My friend is 72, and lives in a retirement flat. There's a reason why one of the rules is no naked flames or candles. Show your daughter some YouTube videos of fires.

I used to burn incense as a teen. Doesn't seem so risky? Soon as stick drops it tends to go out. Still on a flame resistant surface.
I wasn't allowed candles.
Did use a candle once at uni. In my drunken stupor I lit it and fell asleep. Woke up next morning with wax dripping down my bedside table and the flame about to go out.
Still have nightmares about how that could have ended..

I wouldn't trust DH or I with candles in the bedroom and definitely not a 13 year old.

If she wants something nice-smelling, get her a diffuser.

Get her an electric wax melted and some scented wax melts. You can plug it into a timer switch if you like but most of them don't get hot enough to cause any damage anyway. Some of them even double up as lamps

59YearofMisAdventure

Its not a great habit. I once burned some clothing with a joss stick. It could have been horrific.

Not to put a dampner but candles (soya less so) release toxic fumes.

Hate to burst your bubble, but soy wax releases exactly the same fumes as any other wax.
www.eca-candles.com/pdf/Oekometric-Wax-1797_NCA_NL_42908.pdf

YADNBU. If I had my way they'd be bloody banned. There's no 'safe' place to put candles no matter how uncluttered the area is and certainly not on a bed room floor. It only takes h er to move the quilt as she's getting out of bed for it to very likely catch fire

OP, ask her to watch the Watchdog interview with Claudia Winkleman that she gave after her daughter had been set alight on Halloween. It's terrifying.

if you have a garden she can go light candles out there and sit with them. Bet she suddenly loses enthusiasm...

in the house with a gormless teen (because all teens are gormless) is a big no.

I also have a friend who burned down her room at Uni with a candle so a hard no from me.