AIBU not to let DD13 burn candles in her room

[Servalan]

Just had a major strop from DD because I have told her I do not want her burning candles in her room.

She asked earlier if she could burn some candles on the kitchen table earlier and I agreed even though I wasn't in the room (but was coming in and out now and again to keep an eye). My feeling is the kitchen table is an uncluttered space and it's an area of the house I regularly go in.

She then went to her room, cleared a space in the middle of the floor and suggested burning some candles on a tray in the uncluttered area. I told her no (I have previously told her she can't burn candles in her bedroom). She launched into a big argument about how I'd let her light them in the kitchen. It ended up turning into a heated argument (no pun intended).

Am I being neurotic to think that 13 is too young to have open flames in a bedroom?

YANBU OP, we used to love candles in the house until one evening it was blown out - only it wasn't completely & set the whole livingroom alight. Never had such a fright in all my life, my 2 year old was asleep and god only knows what could have happened if i didn't wake. Like pp have said, there are some lovely oil or wax melt things that give off a lovely smell and ambience.. But without the naked flame!

Yadnbu

No candles outside the living room here. And that rule is for us all.

My daughter has the jar candles in her room - Yankee candles small jars.

She has it on her chest of drawers. She’s nearly 9. She knows not to mess around with it.

She has it on her chest of drawers. She’s nearly 9. She knows not to mess around with it.

Definitely not a good move. Most candle fires aren't caused by someone 'messing around with them'.

If she likes scented candles, then would an electric wax melt burner be a good compromise?

Lots of lovely fragrances, beautiful light but no flames.

What about one of those diffusers instead?

Wow my dad is an ex-firefighter and the vast majority of house fires her attended were started this way.

I wouldn't even have candles upstairs. All mine in the living room are them plastic remote control ones (really nice suggest them to her!) and if I get a yankee or something it goes on a pyrex glass tray on the top of the cooker, right at the back next to the tiles, not near anything that can catch fire. I'm so cautious with them.

Yanbu. I fell asleep at a similar age and woke up to a (small) fire starting. Luckily no real damage done but could've been much worse.

Definitely not a good move. Most candle fires aren't caused by someone 'messing around with them'

Maybe I’m being dumb but I don’t know how anything would catch alight.

It’s in a jar, on a clear surface. There is nothing above it such as curtains. It’s also on a Yankee dish thing so not touching the surface of the chest of drawers.

If no one touches it or blows it out then it would just burn to the end of the wick?

YANBU, let her strop, you made the right call OP.

As it's for spiritual reasons perhaps somewhere like the bath or even a wind-protected corner outside would work.
In a bedroom is just too dangerous.

Absolutely no candles or tea lights in her bedroom ever. There’s a reason why they are banned in most halls of residence and HMO.

A compromise might be to let her buy some of the electric tea lights or small votives powered by tiny batteries. They give a similar, cosy effect without the fire risk.

Judi Denchs daughter accidentally burnt down the house

In the small town where I live, there have been 3 serious house fires in the last few years. Each one was caused by candles.

Definitely not!

Diffusers are perfect

I let my DS 13 burn candles in his room and he has done for about 2/3 years, he is very trustworthy.

Dd 12 also burns candles, but I am always a little more wary of her as she always has clutter on his sides and is not as responsible. But both dc are used to candles burning around the house because I always have some lit at all times, so they are pretty used to it.

Imo 13 is old enough to know basic safety and proper use of a single candle

What are people on this thread doing with their candles...

Candles, in a jar or glass, when placed on a flat surface and away from anything dropping in them, are not going to cause a fire. They'll just eventually go out when the wick burns down.

I have had candles in my bedroom as a a teenager and in uni accommodation and have never had any such fire scare.

bluesatinmanolos - in my case, the candle was on a small dish, on a wooden chest of drawers. I have no idea how it set fire to the countertop, as I slept through it. Perhaps the dish shattered due to the heat, or the candle fell over? But it happened - and it does happen. Ask any fireman.

I let my DS 13 burn candles in his room and he has done for about 2/3 years, he is very trustworthy

Absolute stupidity.

www.candlessniffsandgifts.co.uk/products/march-stock-pre-order-copper-electric-candle-warmer-lantern-lamp-35w

Would something like this work? It's plug in, You put your candle underneath the lamp and it heats the wax and you get the scent? I have one in my bedroom and also downstairs as my dh hates candles after a jar candle broke whilst lit and nearly burnt down his home.

I’ve got a 14 year old dd and I wouldn’t allow them in her room. Teenagers become distracted far to easily.

An electric aromatherapy oil diffuser might be a good compromise. We don’t have candles in bedrooms.

I light candles in my room but wouldn't let an under 16 do it. I've never ever left one lit though and trust that I won't (thanks OCD) - some of the stories on this thread are terrifying! I've never known anyone who's had a house fire

Candles are a real danger, I certainly wouldn't let my children light candles in their bedrooms.

Just a quick Google shows the devastating effects of house fires from candles. Is it really worth the risk?

www.cheshirefire.gov.uk/news-events/press-releases/widnes-mum-warns-other-families-after-house-fire-started-by-a-candle