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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
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Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 14:11

Sorry, pressed "go" too soon ... to answer more questions:

A now owns the house on her own (she's a widow)
B's DS claims 5 are going, but I suspect it may be more
B isn't on MN and doesn't read the Mail (who I couldn't give a stuff about anyway)
Having lied to so kind a friend, it's entirely possible the DS would lie on an ESTA, crime or not
Re the rental driver age - the girlfriend is just 25 so would have qualified

And as said, far from wanting a role in this, I was trying to keep out of it on the basis that it's not my house, not my son and I really don't want to stir the waters any more. However since I've no longer got much choice - and in light on the MN vote - I shall just gently tell the truth about my own view and leave it at that

BTW please don't think I've disappeared shortly ... I'm due at B's at 3pm so will update when I've seen her

OP posts:
ArgumentativeAardvaark · 29/12/2019 14:11

Presumably she copied and pasted some questions to answer then posted too soon!

PlumsGalore · 29/12/2019 14:12

Haven’t read all the responses so may be duplicating, but unless they had lied on their visa waiver applications those with offences of affray wouldn’t be getting on that plane. The process to get a visa if you don’t qualify for a waiver are lengthy, stringent and involvement a personal visit to the US embassy in London.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2019 14:13

Oh HELL no! I wouldn't allow them anywhere near my house. And if this is in any of the numerous touristy areas in FL there are a plethora of accommodations available at just about every price range. B can pay for these hoodlums to stay elsewhere (where she'll have to pay for any damage).

How you handle the situation re getting involved is your decision, but I'd certainly be keeping a close eye on B's actions on A's behalf. Because I wouldn't be surprised if she facilitates these lads going and they either break into the house and stay (a la Mex House Thief) or decide to vandalize it.

LellyMcKelly · 29/12/2019 14:14

No way in hell should they be allowed to use the house. It’s appalling the the son should put B and A in this position. If they can afford flights to Orlando they can afford an Air BnB

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 14:14

Presumably she copied and pasted some questions to answer then posted too soon!

Yes, as mentioned in my previous post that's exactly what I did; my silly mistake Blush

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 29/12/2019 14:15

Friend B was a CF for expecting it free in the first place. They would have incurred costs anyway, utilities, cleaning etc.

QueenofallIsee · 29/12/2019 14:22

Poor A, of course she will have to say No but I’d imagine that falling out with her close friend is a high price to pay.

Is friend B always making excuses for her godawful sounding son?

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 14:23

Oh, and a question I missed: I can't actually know if the DS was planning to pay house bills for while he was there, but suspect not - he's simply not that sort of guy

And a small point, but if anyone else would like to suggest I'm making this up because of an error in posting a draft too soon, by all means feel free to report me to HQ. Given the time I've been on here and my track record of not telling lies, I'd hope they'd be willing to offer what reassurance they're able to

OP posts:
Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 14:26

Is friend B always making excuses for her godawful sounding son?

I wouldn't say always, but yes there's a fair bit of enablement going on

Really got to head out now ...

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 29/12/2019 14:29

Friend B is really taking the piss.

FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 14:30

Fuck 'gently' telling B she's out of line, she's a freeloading, lying CFer. She starts sounding off about A grow a pair! 'Pretty out of line to have asked to use someone's holiday home yourself for free at all. But to ask to do so for your son and then expect to use it for a lad's holiday? Wow. I would have told you no altogether.'

needanewnamechange · 29/12/2019 14:30

It's a no from me too and the fact that she wasn't asked about the change of people coming would piss me off too . I suspect though saying no would cause a problem with the friend ship so it depends what she values most .

MarshmallowsOnToast · 29/12/2019 14:32

They won't necessarily be refused an ESTA.

The eligibility questions have been updated & don't refer to any/all convictions.

The question asks.

Have you ever been arrested or convicted for a crime that resulted in serious damage to property, or serious harm to another person or government authority?

If the affray was just disturbance of peace & nobody seriously injured then they still could be accepted.

I still wouldn't let them stay in my home as friend A though, not a chance...

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2019 14:36

Good luck with B. Say what you will but don't expect her to take it in. There are none so blind as those who will not see.

JayDot500 · 29/12/2019 14:39

We own a villa in Florida. This is awful and given the potential for things to go wrong, I'd rather have the house empty. Owning a villa is expensive and stressful. The cheeker effer here is friend B, she needs a dressing down.

JonSlow · 29/12/2019 14:40

Never seen something so unanimous.

Unexpected use of holiday home
MsTSwift · 29/12/2019 14:46

The entitlement is breathtaking. Where has he learned that from?

strawberry2017 · 29/12/2019 14:46

This is awful, who would do this to a friend?
You would have to pick sides when they boys trash the house and your supposed friend refuses to pay for repairs so you might as well take sides now!
Coz let's face it that's what will happen. If they don't end up in a American jail for affray or worse. Won't be as easy to get out of that one!
Nobody goes to Florida for a cheap holiday - you go to somewhere in Europe not somewhere where it costs hundreds for a flight.

cordelia16 · 29/12/2019 14:49

@puzzledandpissedoff, why are you asking yourself questions?

SenecaFalls · 29/12/2019 14:50

The OP explained the questions.

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 14:50

Cordelia RTFT.

cordelia16 · 29/12/2019 14:51

sorry OP... hadn't seen your update (pages were slow to load)

cordelia16 · 29/12/2019 14:52

@BlouseandSkirt I had read the whole thread at time I posted. subsequent posts were slow to load.

Welshmaenad · 29/12/2019 14:53

Absolutely no way on this green earth would I allow my holiday home to be used by a large party of young people.

Son has been deceitful and sneaky and B has enabled him and A would be absolutely right to tell them to FOTTFSOF.