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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Mix56 · 29/12/2019 13:00

Didn't return the deposit obvs. but the stress on changeover day is humungous, plus fridge doors dented permanently ! not a good look !

Letthemysterybe · 29/12/2019 13:02

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such overwhelming agreement on a thread!

billy1966 · 29/12/2019 13:02

Person A shouldn't give it another thought.

Person B is a complete CF
Son of B is a complete CF.

I can't see the difficulty OP in saying that A has every right not to want a bunch of random drunken pups thrashing her home.

Personally I wouldn't want the friendship of someone who is so entitled.

Elle7rose · 29/12/2019 13:07

YANBU. They booked flights to stay uninvited in someone else's home. Of course the friends are being unreasonable.

onalongsabbatical · 29/12/2019 13:08

Ructions presumably because A is standing her ground. I suggest you back the poor woman up!

andyjusthangingaround · 29/12/2019 13:09

@Puzzledandpissedoff never seen this on MN

Unexpected use of holiday home
happycamper11 · 29/12/2019 13:10

Friend A has every right to refuse. Will the ones with convictions even be admitted to America?

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 13:14

“However I'll just stay calm and try to do my best to pour oil on the waters”

Stay calm and tell the truth.

OP, you seem set on the idea that you need to have a ‘role’. Simply giving your opinion as the truth, if asked by B, is the right thing to do. And the most likely way to get her to get some perspective.

If you try and ‘soothe’ anyone you just fuel their sense of being right.

You are in a difficult position, you make it worse if you ‘try’ anything. Just tell the truth. You don’t have to offer value judgments or derogatory decscriptions if anyone.

Just say ‘tbh many people would see a major difference between lending their home to a couple, and to 5 young males, and I can see why. The terms of the agreement have changed and I think they have a right to withdraw the offer on that basis. That’s my own opinion since you asked” and leave it there.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 29/12/2019 13:21

To be honest even if b's son now says he'll go with his girlfriend there is no way I'd lend him the house after this. A is so nbu

Chunkers · 29/12/2019 13:22

Also, don’t be fooled if B suddenly changes her tune and says plans have changed and its back to son and GF going. No way, rest assured that would just be a cover story.

bettybattenburg · 29/12/2019 13:22

Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)

The chances of them getting into the States will be reduced by this unless they've applied for visas in advance, I don't think the visa waiver scheme covers them for entry to the States, though they could well lie on the forms.

happycamper11 · 29/12/2019 13:23

@bettybattenburg can you lie on the forms? Don't they check?

Equanimitas · 29/12/2019 13:23

B is going to consider you're in the wrong unless you support her wholeheartedly. Since you can't, you may as well go whole hog and tell her that her son was an idiot to invite people without checking, let alone booking flights, that A has every right not to want a party of at least 5 young men in the house - especially when it includes some with convictions for affray - and she would do her son more favours by telling him it's entirely his own stupid fault.

AJPTaylor · 29/12/2019 13:23

So, would the lads mother let him and his friends stay for 2 weeks in her house whilst she went away?

Jupiters · 29/12/2019 13:26

Friend A all the way! Son of B is being so much of a CF it's going past CFery.

Friend A should say no and stay firm. B & son of B need to sort out somewhere else to stay. You can't just move the goalposts like that.

catwithflowers · 29/12/2019 13:29

Disgracefully underhand behaviour. Definitely say no to them using the holiday home 😳

happycamper11 · 29/12/2019 13:30

Just seen that the convictions were from abroad - presumably holidays so the friends have form for probably getting drunk and causing trouble while away. Even more reason to say absolutely no way. It's even less likely they'll respect a property they haven't had to pay for too.

crosstalk · 29/12/2019 13:31

OP this will be in the Daily Fail soon as.

bettybattenburg · 29/12/2019 13:31

@happycamper11 can you lie on the forms? Don't they check?

They can lie on the forms, yes. As for checking - I have no idea but anybody taking the risk of lying on an immigration form is stupid beyond measure.

SeaToSki · 29/12/2019 13:32

These are the ESTA questions that sound most relevant to this situation. It sounds like they might fall Of a couple of them. If they lie and are caught (which they most probably will) they will be banned from coming to the States for a minimum of five years and probably more

Do you have a physical or mental disorder; or are you a drug abuser or addict;.....
Have you ever been arrested or convicted for a crime that resulted in serious damage to property, or serious harm to another person or government authority?
Have you ever violated any law related to possessing, using, or distributing illegal drugs?

AnneElliott · 29/12/2019 13:32

Obviously B and her son are BU. I would be tempted to tip off the US immigration authorities as well that they're planning to go. I wouldn't fancy being detained by the US Border Police if they know the boys have lied on the ESTA form.

I agree the boys should find other accommodation.

bottlenose301 · 29/12/2019 13:32

Show both friends A and B this thread ;)

They can still go to a Florida but will have to book a cheap Motel or air b n b.

GoldfishRampage · 29/12/2019 13:33

YANBU!

Iwantacookie · 29/12/2019 13:33

No way and b is being a cheeky fuck for expecting her friend to lend her holiday home for free.
I was be disgusted if it was my dc and tell them no way they were borrowing my friends house.

happycamper11 · 29/12/2019 13:38

@bettybattenburg I always imagined immigration authorities had full access to records or surely everyone would just lie. Although maybe they just check at random rather than every single traveller. Not a risk I'd be wanting to take anyway.