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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re 'if you're well enough to be out you're well enough to be in work'

160 replies

Misscromwellrocks · 29/12/2019 11:01

My sister is getting over a really bad chest infection and is at the stage of being able to potter down to the village for a bit of fresh air every morning before going back home to rest.

She's due back in to work after Christmas tomorrow but really could do with another couple of days recuperating. She's a bit worried though as a colleague of hers was coming out of Tesco yesterday and stopped and exchanged a bit of small talk. My sister is now worried that she'll be seen as a shirker on the grounds that she's well enough to be out etc.

Aibu to think there's a huge difference between
getting up at 6.30, facing a long coomute, a full day at work, another long commute home and
having a lie on, going for a short stroll to the shops or to a local cafe, then going back home to rest.

Being able to do the latter in no way implies your up to the former in my opinion.

OP posts:

safariboot · 29/12/2019 23:48

YANBU. And I would hope that most employers have left outdated "if you can walk, you can work" attitudes and such in the 20th century where they belong.

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2019 06:30

It depends what your job is but in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

Utter rubbish. I have made a trip to the local shop when ill, it was to either buy medicine or food or both. No way could I have completed a full day's work but yes I did manage a 10 minute trip to my local Tesco. Not comparable at all.

eaglejulesk · 30/12/2019 06:42

YANBU. I have sometimes gone to work myself when I don't feel well, and although I feel okay when I leave the house I can feel terrible by mid-morning. Getting up and pottering around, or even going into town to get supplies is vastly different to being at work and trying to concentrate on your job. Your sister needs to stay home until she feels up to going in to work.

eaglejulesk · 30/12/2019 06:49

It depends what your job is but in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

What an outdated attitude!!! What is a person who lives alone and is unlikely to have visitors supposed to do if they need medication or supplies? I live a block away from a supermarket and chemist, I could stagger down there and back when I certainly couldn't be at work - or if I was at work I wouldn't be at all productive.

Weffiepops · 30/12/2019 07:08

Going to the shops is reasonable, you can't live on fresh air and might need medicine. I'd avoid cafes though, that's a bit indulgent when you're ill.

Mummadeeze · 30/12/2019 07:15

I have to be honest, I would expect someone ill tone in bed at home or at work. If I saw them at the supermarket I would think ‘hmmm’. I realise this is unfair but as someone who never takes time off work sick, my immediate thought would be ‘they can’t be that ill’.

Fieldofgreycorn · 30/12/2019 07:15

You need food. Also you shouldn’t go to work if you’re infectious but still need to eat and not everyone has someone to go out for them.

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2019 07:45

So I'll people can't go to the Doctors, buy medicine, pick up a prescription, go and get some basic food items because if they can do that they are not I'll?

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2019 07:46

Ill not I'll

Fredflintstonethefirst · 30/12/2019 08:07

A few years ago I had one day off sick. Really bad cough which had made my asthma bad and I could barely walk without getting out of breath.
However, I still had to take my kids to school cos DH was at work.
I'd usually walk the 20 mins, but it was impossible that day, so I drive them in.
I spent all day on the sofa, staying as still as possible, taking my inhaler each time I had to walk to the loo or the kitchen.
I was spotted driving at 3pm to collect the DC.
Got reported and my boss dragged me in for a telling off the next day.
I really don't know what I was supposed to do, I couldn't have kept the kids off school just because I felt Ill, couldn't make DH take emergency leave just to do the school run and had no one else who was free to do it for me, so I just had to go.

MollyButton · 30/12/2019 08:24

Recently I was very ill. But you would have seen me on one day, walk into town at about 8 am, and catch a bus - I was on my way to get a blood transfusion. I was not fit to drive, so bus was the best solution to get myself to the hospital.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 30/12/2019 08:34

in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

Whenever people say this I wonder what kind of job they have. Presumably one where you can doss around at a desk all day and you don't really impact anyone majorly if you fuck up?

Igotthisjustabout · 30/12/2019 08:48

I think it's sensible to build a bit if strength before going back to work.
I'm asthmatic and chest infections knock me out. If I was off work and then went back without having a little walk and getting out of the house, I'd probably be back off work again.
Very different walking in the village to going for a days shopping!

Original poster

Misscromwellrocks · 30/12/2019 09:13

What's wrong with going to a café when you're at the recovery stage of an illness? It's hardly an energetic or tiring activity that proves you're perfectly fit to be back at work.

Going clubbing or bunjee jumping or hill walking fair enough. But having a cup of coffee in a local café?

OP posts:

InfiniteCurve · 30/12/2019 09:33

Presumably the people who think if you are well enough to go to the shops you are well enough to work have pretty easy calm jobs?!
When I'm at work I'm in the go all day,talking to people all day,constantly having to go up and down stairs ( usually at speed...).And making decisions and judgements which can have serious consequences for other people if I get it wrong.
None of that's any big deal but it is in no way equivalent to pootling out to Tesco,buying a coffee and a few bits,coming home and going back to bed.
The last time I was properly ill I misjudged how well I was,I wasn't full time and thought it would all work out.I had more time off it worked out than if I had just had a chunk of time off to start with and got better,as the illness just went on and on and on.

gamerwidow · 30/12/2019 09:36

what a cop out. If you are a Band 8 NHS manager, you need to stop being a sap to upper management
Yes great advice. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh yes I did and my Director told me to have the sickness management meetings or be pulled up on management competency. Which yes is stupid because we have a staff retention issue.
I do the meetings as informal warnings and stress to the non piss takers these are very much box ticking exercises and they are not to worry but for good conscientious staff it still causes anxiety.

Dontdisturbmenow · 30/12/2019 09:37

It really depends. In my previous job, we had to have cover over the Xmas/NY holiday. It was usually arranged on the basis of who had time off the previous year. One of the staff though had last year off sick with depression, so she assumed that she'd be able to have time off this year. She was told that it wasn't the case, as the person who was covering her deserved to be off this year. She wasn't happy at all about it, complained etc...then seemed to have accepted it. Then she caught the bug and was off just before Xmas. She called in sick between Xmas and NY.

There was no doubt that she'd been poorly before, but people did question whether she was still trully poorly afterwards. Then a more distant colleague was talking about a football game they've been too and how they saw that staff there, shouting and singing most of the game (she was off with a throat and chest infection).

In the end, the Manager couldn't do anything as he couldn't evidence that she wasn't still poorly, but this definitely damaged her integrity as everyone did think she used her 'recovery' to suit her wishes to be off these days (which meant that someone else had to come at the last minute).

SabineUndine · 30/12/2019 09:58

How do you know you're well enough to go back to work if you don't try going out for half an hour beforehand? There have been times when I've got up and dressed, feeling ill, got as far a the bus stop and turned round and gone back home because just doing that made me feel so much worse I realised I wouldn't be able to do a day at work.

A further point: if you live on your own, you have to look after yourself. Get to the doctor's, get your own medication, your own orange juice, bread, milk, whatever to survive. None of this means you're not ill.

MrsMillerbecameababy · 30/12/2019 09:58

gamerwidow I work in healthcare abroad and ironically wish we did have these competence meetings - I'm thinking of leaving because we're a small team and I've been forced into double shifts (already working shift one, colleague due on shift two calls in sick, the service cannot be left unattended/ attended only by assistants due to serious risks and compliance) multiple times due to piss takers. I'm the only one with children and it's a real concern now every shift that I won't be able to leave not just on time, but on the correct day!

The colleague worst for this has had 37 sick days in 2019! She's openly looking for a job without shift work and has checked out, leaving the rest of us not knowing whether she'll turn up (she follows protocol and calls in towards the end of the previous shift, but finding someone to cover with an hour's notice is getting harder and more and more often the person on the previous shift can't go home).

Pandora73 · 30/12/2019 10:04

I’ve been off work sick for 3 weeks following surgery. My bosses understand that with 3 kids and a DH, I will still been to do usual bits and bobs including school run and popping to the supermarket. This is very different to my usual 12 hour shifts. Works both ways, hospital said if I needed and extended sick note to just let them know and I can have another 2 weeks. But I feel well enough to go back and won’t take the pee !

Meegeemoogee · 30/12/2019 10:08

This kind of office mentality really annoys me. It creates a very negative environment. Everyone gets sick, it's no one's business how poorly she is and she shouldn't have to justify it to her colleagues.

Aragog · 30/12/2019 10:11

Recuperation is an essential part of some mid to longer term illnesses, and comes under the sick note/wellness certificate.

Ignore busybodies who want to 'tell' on you/your sister - the sickness note soccers you.

And ignore posters who will tell you it dragged myself to work with double pneumonia with my leg half amputated, etc' - if they are daft enough to cause themselves further health damage then more fool them, and actually if returning and still at risk of passing on to,others then they're also selfish with it.

I've done the dragging myself in when I'll and battling through bugs and infections. It did me no good. I ended up very ill with pneumonia and in hospital, 4 lots of antibiotics over the weeks and 7 weeks off work. It then took me most of the year to recover fully and I ended up needing an inhaler the following winter to get by. It really wasn't worth it. During that absence at the very end I actually had a week away (already booked) which I still went on the advice of my doctors and the blessing of my boss and colleagues. I didn't stay in the house the whole time either - I gradually went out and about, including for coffee with friends, a meal or two out, popping to the shop, etc. It was an important part of getting better.

Different types of illness require different types of recovery. So,e need you to be in the house the whole time, others don't.

Being capable of walking round a shop or having a coffee out is very different to being up for a full day of work in most cases surely? The amount of energy and effort,required for my day's work is way in excess of that needed to sit and lift a cup to my lips that's for sure!

Aragog · 30/12/2019 10:13

Do some posters not realise that their are different types of illnesses?
Not all illnesses which require a sick note involve contagious germs that can be passed on!

Aragog · 30/12/2019 10:16

It depends what your job is but in general if you're well enough to go to the shops, you're well enough to work

All I can say to that then is that some posters must have very easy relaxing jobs!

AvaSnowdrop · 30/12/2019 10:19

YANBU OP, but people are nasty if they think you’re getting away with shirking. My friend suffered a 23 week miscarriage recently and had to go through giving birth. While she was off work recovering she took her other DC to the panto (pre booked for months and the doctor told her she’d feel better if she went out). Some nasty person saw her and reported her at work, and they are disciplining her because if she’s well enough to go to the panto she can go to work.

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